Update on confronting my AH....
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Colorado
Posts: 2
Update on confronting my AH....
I posted a couple days ago explaining that I was going to bring up his drinking and the effect it has had on our family this Thursday at our marriage counselor.(Thank you again to all who responded)
Well.....yesterday he tells me that he has to to something for work at that time and we will have to reschedule our appt with the counselor. At first I was so angry because I had become so ready to finally address the issue. (I had planned to go to an Al-anon meeting at lunchtime today-and still will. And I am scheduled to see my individual counselor tomorrow.) So I guess you could say I had it all planned out.
Well.....as they day went by I began to shift my thoughts and began to be open to the fact that things often happen for a reason. Maybe I needed more time before I brought it up or something.
So last night I ask him if he has rescheduled to counseling appt and he says that he left the counselor a message but that he has not heard back from him. I told my AH that I was really sad that we would not be able to see the counselor on Thursday because I had something very important I wanted to talk about. Of course my AH wanted to know what it was. I just told him that I am not ready to talk about it yet. He seemed to accept this.
Ok so a little later in the evening my 6 year old daughter tells me that they had an assembly at her school and I ask what it was about. She tells me that it was a 'Say No to Drugs" assembly. She looks at me and says " I know you drinking a little sometimes mommy but daddy her drinks alot (and she begins to cry) and he if he doesn't stop smoking and drinking I am so scared that he is going to die" At this point I am holding her and she is saying over and over while crying "I don't want daddy to die, I dont want daddy to die". I asked her if she wanted to tell her daddy how she was feeling about this and she did. So she went out to the garage where he often is and told him what she had told me. I gave them a few minutes to be alone and then I went out and he was holding her and she was crying and telling him. " Daddy you have to stop doing drugs...I dont want you to die". The look it his eyes... there is no way in a million years that anything I could have said would have had the impact that his 6 yr old dtr did on him.
So then I had her go inside and I told him. " This is really ironic because your drinking was what I wanted to talk about in counseling. I have spent the last months really coming to terms with the fact that I have been in denial and that I have not helped the situation. I know I cannot make you stop and neither can our daughter that it is up to you. That is all I will say for now." And I just left him with his thoughts.
I dont know what is going to happen from here but the can has been opened and I am not going close it up again.
Living In Truth Now
Well.....yesterday he tells me that he has to to something for work at that time and we will have to reschedule our appt with the counselor. At first I was so angry because I had become so ready to finally address the issue. (I had planned to go to an Al-anon meeting at lunchtime today-and still will. And I am scheduled to see my individual counselor tomorrow.) So I guess you could say I had it all planned out.
Well.....as they day went by I began to shift my thoughts and began to be open to the fact that things often happen for a reason. Maybe I needed more time before I brought it up or something.
So last night I ask him if he has rescheduled to counseling appt and he says that he left the counselor a message but that he has not heard back from him. I told my AH that I was really sad that we would not be able to see the counselor on Thursday because I had something very important I wanted to talk about. Of course my AH wanted to know what it was. I just told him that I am not ready to talk about it yet. He seemed to accept this.
Ok so a little later in the evening my 6 year old daughter tells me that they had an assembly at her school and I ask what it was about. She tells me that it was a 'Say No to Drugs" assembly. She looks at me and says " I know you drinking a little sometimes mommy but daddy her drinks alot (and she begins to cry) and he if he doesn't stop smoking and drinking I am so scared that he is going to die" At this point I am holding her and she is saying over and over while crying "I don't want daddy to die, I dont want daddy to die". I asked her if she wanted to tell her daddy how she was feeling about this and she did. So she went out to the garage where he often is and told him what she had told me. I gave them a few minutes to be alone and then I went out and he was holding her and she was crying and telling him. " Daddy you have to stop doing drugs...I dont want you to die". The look it his eyes... there is no way in a million years that anything I could have said would have had the impact that his 6 yr old dtr did on him.
So then I had her go inside and I told him. " This is really ironic because your drinking was what I wanted to talk about in counseling. I have spent the last months really coming to terms with the fact that I have been in denial and that I have not helped the situation. I know I cannot make you stop and neither can our daughter that it is up to you. That is all I will say for now." And I just left him with his thoughts.
I dont know what is going to happen from here but the can has been opened and I am not going close it up again.
Living In Truth Now
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
LivingInTruth,
To start - what an excellent screen name. For those who think that the kids don't know, see, understand, or get what's going on - please read this post. If a 6 y/o gets it, we grown ups can too.
Peace LIT,
Petunia
To start - what an excellent screen name. For those who think that the kids don't know, see, understand, or get what's going on - please read this post. If a 6 y/o gets it, we grown ups can too.
Peace LIT,
Petunia
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
WOW is right. What an amazing little girl you have. And that is so wonderful that she is comfortable with herself enough to come to you and your husband like that. That is a true gift from God.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
No coincidence here. Another sign that our higher power is always with us. I pray that your daughter's words strike a cord in his mind and heart and what you spoke with him about will bring peace to everyone.
Blessings, Kahy
Blessings, Kahy
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