Mrdenial

Hi all, over the last 3 years I have repeatedly had the same pattern of 30-90 days clean time, then relapsing again. I have attended at least three meetings a week, as difficult with work and 3 kids to do more. The behaviour of being sneaky, lying automatically through years of doing it in addiction, subconsciously in denial, has not improved. I am on last thread to losing my wife and kids, as I have had so many chances and repeatedly let my self, and family down bring hurt to us all. Even know I see the hurt, and know i have had many last chances, I have constantly relapsed where the addict gives me the thought and goes from a thought, to picking up within less than an hour. I have never been great with sharing in meetings, with all eyes on me. I usually sit there thinking what am I going to say, and the nerves build up and I can't do it. I use mainly to block thoughts or feelings or hurt, which o have done since I was young, as I was taught from a young age boys don't cry, so struggle still to show emotions. I have also never believed in religion or god, so it's a struggle finding my HP. This is probably my biggest share to people I don't know to date! My first post on this forum and look forward to engaging lots, and hopefully will help me share more in person.
35 days clean.
Mr Denial- I am a addict.

ChloeRose63

Welcome to SR!
I think you did a great job sharing. How are you feeling? It is good to be able to post anytime and anything you need to express here at SR. There is no judgement only caring, supportive responses. You will find alot of information here and it is fun to meet members and build some friendships. Please join the Class of October2017. Hope to see you there.

stephengb

How long are your relapses. Sounds like you need to engage with different content and need to believe why life will be better by not drinking. AA is good but focuses on not drinking may be look into stuff why you don't need to drink and why life will be better AF. The drink habit and compulsion is trick of the mind.

Anna

I'm glad you decided to post and that you want to live a sober life. This is a safe and comfortable place to share and to find support.

I would ask you, when you have been sober, what other changes have you made in your life? For me, I had to make lifestyle changes that would support my recovery. Stopping drinking was just the first step.

I hope you continue to read and post.

sweetichick

I think with the lying to people thing it takes time. I say to people now that I only lied to cover up drinking. If you consistently start telling the truth your wife will slowly come around again. Make it your aim to be honest about everything however small it is. You will be surprised how quickly you regain trust.

Gottalife

Just my AA experience but not drinking and going to meetings does not treat alcoholism. Nothing short of concerted action on the 12 steps as a way of life will bring the much desired result. The program of AA is about permanent recovery, a complete psychic change where the drink problem is removed. We talk about the most satisfying years of your existence being ahead.

Through the steps our reactions to life are just naturally different. I find myself interested in other things and ideas. It does not occur to me to drink, it doesn’t even come up as an option. Not drinking is something I don’t think about either.

The steps fixed my alcoholic mind. One of the rapid changes was I became a thief who could not steal. I bought into the idea that rigorous honesty was essential to recovery.

Deception was a standard part of my alcoholic life. It has been removed in my recovered life. I am just not like that anymore.

August252015

^^^Exactly what Gottalife said, for me.

theVman31

We all pass by that fork in the road "Mr Denial- I am a addict"
Great job on sharing. The thing is you can be honest here. We know.

Please stick to it, keep posting, stay in the conscious present.
And thats a hell of a good start 35 days !!!

Mountainmanbob

For continuous sobriety what is still working for me is AA attendance, keeping close with my Sponsor, working the Steps, bible study, much prayer -- giving thanks -- staying grateful and church attendance.

A connection with a Higher Power (God) seems to be of most importance.

M-Bob

Mrdenial

Hi Stephen, my relapses are on average 1 to 2 days. My addiction is with cocaine but understand it is the same. I attend NA meetings as much as I can, a minimum of 3 days a week. I know I don't need Coke to feel good and have my family for the best reason not to use. Out of nowhere the addict takes over when there is opportunity to use, but I need to be stronger and fight it when it happens, or call someone. I find it hard talking about it but will find it harder without my family around anymore. Thankyou for your reply.

Mrdenial

Hi Anna, while not using Coke I have stopped seeing friends that use, stopped drinking too, and deleted all contacts that would leave a door open to relapse. As a tradesman, I used to be self employed so had cash on me regularly, so changed to being employed by a company and not doing private jobs, so my wife can monitor our money, and prevents me from using. I attend NA meetings as regularly as possible. Thankyou for your reply.

Mrdenial

Thankyou for your good advice. My wife always says it's not the using or relapses, it's the lying that hurts the most. I will definitely be doing that. I have lied as I never wanted to hurt her, but have hurt her more not being honest.

Mrdenial

Hi there, thanks for the good advice I agree completely that attending my NAmeetings are not enough and my wife,and sponsor I now have, say this to me that too. I've just begun to start the step work and look forward to recovering and changing as a person.

Mrdenial

Thankyou for your reply. I will keep posting and remember one day at a time,just for today, I will not use drugs.

Mrdenial

Hi Bob, I will definitely try harder to find my higher power. I am going to keep attending meetings, keep in contact as regular as possible with my sponsor, work the steps with him. Thank you for your reply and good advice

Wholesome

Hi Mrdenial,

There is a way to learn to recognize and disassociate from your Addictive Voice, it's called AVRT (addictive voice recognition technique). You can learn about it in the Secular Connections subforum here on SR. There is no need for meetings or a belief in a higher power when one uses AVRT. We believe that ending addiction can be a one time event by making a pledge to never drink again and never change your mind, no matter what. We also don't call it a relapse, we call it what it is, drinking again despite knowing better. If you're interested, pop over and read the threads and join the many interesting conversations we have about AVRT.