Trying to go sober!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 7
Trying to go sober!!!
Hey guys haven't been here for a while :/ been bk to AA 🙁 finding it really hard to not snap or get really irritated, my patience is at zero.. ******* hating this ****!! How do you become calm? X
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Welcome back, Martin!
Irritability is pretty common in the early days of recovery. You might find that exercise helps or listening to music, anything that you think might distract you for a while. It will get easier.
Irritability is pretty common in the early days of recovery. You might find that exercise helps or listening to music, anything that you think might distract you for a while. It will get easier.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi MMartin
In the early days it really helped me to think about the things I was grateful for - you might even ant to do a daily list.
Early on I wanted to throw the list across the room, but over time it gave me back a sense of perspective.
I was really a lucky guy.
Early recovery is rough - but it gets better - hang in there
D
In the early days it really helped me to think about the things I was grateful for - you might even ant to do a daily list.
Early on I wanted to throw the list across the room, but over time it gave me back a sense of perspective.
I was really a lucky guy.
Early recovery is rough - but it gets better - hang in there
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
Early recovery is rough, no doubt. But the longer you stay sober, the better it gets. I also suggest making a gratitude list every day. Remind yourself of the good things in your life.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by MMartin 
Hey guys haven't been here for a while :/ been bk to AA 🙁 finding it really hard to not snap or get really irritated, my patience is at zero.. ******* hating this ****!! How do you become calm? X
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I'm glad you're with us, MMartin. I felt on edge & very anxious in the beginning, but everything got better as I got some sober time behind me. Keep posting - we're here to listen.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Hey Martian.
You mentioned you've been going back to AA meetings. I think that's a good start. If I'm completely honest though, going to meetings - if you're a real alcoholic - is about as effective a treatment as going to a gym and hanging out in the locker room chatting it up with the guys is for getting yourself into shape and getting stronger. Going to the gym is great.....but we've got do do some cardio and lift those weights if we want the benefit of actually being at the gym.
In the AA program it's mentioned that feeling "restless, irritable and discontented" is exactly what happens when someone who's alcoholic STOPS drinking but hasn't experienced recovery. That's why alcoholics who's plans to stop drinking almost never work. Sooner or later, the pain of being dry starts to feel worse than the drinking and the shame that came from it did so they're driven to drink again.
Lucky for you (and me....and any alcoholic who's willing to work all 12 steps), discovering a life in sobriety that we truly enjoy and love is exactly what the program is designed to do. Even better, there are probably many 100's of people who've already walked the path and who are hoping someone like you rolls around looking for a guide. But also....there are lots of people as well who don't have the same experience as you. They stopped drinking, and it was hard, but then everything started to straighten out. There are others too who stopped drinking, made a couple changes in their life and then things straightened out. I wish I was in either of the last 2 categories......and I was sure for a long time that I was.......but I found life "not drinking, going to meetings, and working on myself to feel better" turned out to be a pretty crappy place after a while. Looking back, that place was as bad as if not WORSE than when I was drinking. As much as I didn't believe it would have any impact, committing to and actually working the AA program finally had the impact I wasn't able to accomplish but had always been hoping for.
Your experience in the past, your current experience, and whatever experiences you're about to have will help you determine which category you fit into. I'd also recommend hooking up with someone locally who's tried them all, found a solution, and is willing to help you do the same.
You mentioned you've been going back to AA meetings. I think that's a good start. If I'm completely honest though, going to meetings - if you're a real alcoholic - is about as effective a treatment as going to a gym and hanging out in the locker room chatting it up with the guys is for getting yourself into shape and getting stronger. Going to the gym is great.....but we've got do do some cardio and lift those weights if we want the benefit of actually being at the gym.
In the AA program it's mentioned that feeling "restless, irritable and discontented" is exactly what happens when someone who's alcoholic STOPS drinking but hasn't experienced recovery. That's why alcoholics who's plans to stop drinking almost never work. Sooner or later, the pain of being dry starts to feel worse than the drinking and the shame that came from it did so they're driven to drink again.
Lucky for you (and me....and any alcoholic who's willing to work all 12 steps), discovering a life in sobriety that we truly enjoy and love is exactly what the program is designed to do. Even better, there are probably many 100's of people who've already walked the path and who are hoping someone like you rolls around looking for a guide. But also....there are lots of people as well who don't have the same experience as you. They stopped drinking, and it was hard, but then everything started to straighten out. There are others too who stopped drinking, made a couple changes in their life and then things straightened out. I wish I was in either of the last 2 categories......and I was sure for a long time that I was.......but I found life "not drinking, going to meetings, and working on myself to feel better" turned out to be a pretty crappy place after a while. Looking back, that place was as bad as if not WORSE than when I was drinking. As much as I didn't believe it would have any impact, committing to and actually working the AA program finally had the impact I wasn't able to accomplish but had always been hoping for.
Your experience in the past, your current experience, and whatever experiences you're about to have will help you determine which category you fit into. I'd also recommend hooking up with someone locally who's tried them all, found a solution, and is willing to help you do the same.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 166
Hi MMartin, I can totally identify with the early stage hair trigger annoyance at everything: computer being slow, losing money, colleagues drumming their fingers, colleagues chewing gum, colleagues breathing the wrong way, ha. A few mice (electronic ones) and a computer monitor may have been sacrificed to random annoyance in the early stages for me. And that's before we start to factor in the general rage about the human condition, life, and let's not forget the IRS.
Anyway, so having established my credentials there, my way of trying to avoid these situations, apart from exercise, was to actively calm myself each day with routine, removing unnecessary stimuli and giving my brain a little time out each day. I think avoiding sugar and keeping yourself topped up with more protein-rich food helps on the routine front, as I found that sugar/starch led to deeper mood swings in recovery vs. while I was still drinking each day. Turning off the fluorescent lights in my workspace also helped. We work on computers, most of us don't really need artificial light and it is a stressor. Those cheesy "evening campfire by the river" videos you find on Youtube are pretty amazingly calming, especially early in the morning. Sometimes I just play them in the background. Listening to birds chirping in general seems to just even out the brainwaves.
Anyway, so having established my credentials there, my way of trying to avoid these situations, apart from exercise, was to actively calm myself each day with routine, removing unnecessary stimuli and giving my brain a little time out each day. I think avoiding sugar and keeping yourself topped up with more protein-rich food helps on the routine front, as I found that sugar/starch led to deeper mood swings in recovery vs. while I was still drinking each day. Turning off the fluorescent lights in my workspace also helped. We work on computers, most of us don't really need artificial light and it is a stressor. Those cheesy "evening campfire by the river" videos you find on Youtube are pretty amazingly calming, especially early in the morning. Sometimes I just play them in the background. Listening to birds chirping in general seems to just even out the brainwaves.
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