Notices

Everyone will think I'm pregnant

Old 10-02-2017, 12:57 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Ohme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 112
Everyone will think I'm pregnant

Hey again, sorry if I am posting a lot today but I find this place is really helpful for all the little things coming up.
I knew my best friend was preggo when she cancelled on new years because she never passes an opportunity to party. Unfortunately I'm a bit of the same and I'm just at that right age and married that refusing drinks will pretty much cause a lot of talking. What should I say? I'm not planning on making a big thing of being sober outside of myself and my husband. I was thinking of just saying I want to avoid drinking after my cousin passed (he is the same age as me) but even that is a very personal place for me. Biggest people I'm worried about is the in-laws because we always have drinks together.
Ohme is offline  
Old 10-02-2017, 01:00 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,330
"No, thanks" always works for me.

Remember you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you are drinking or not.
Anna is offline  
Old 10-02-2017, 01:07 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Guest
 
ReadyAtLast's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Anna is right, there could be a whole host of reasons why you choose not to drink, none of which are anyone's business.

I thought everyone would be so interested in why I wasn't drinking but in reality apart from a few odd comments people aren't really that interested.
ReadyAtLast is offline  
Old 10-02-2017, 01:10 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"Everyone will think I'm pregnant"
let em. ive heard gossip about me then add stuff to it and send it back out.

" What should I say?"

as Anna said, no thanks works great.
if asked why, howz about,"because i said so."???????

gonna rephrase something:
" Biggest people I'm worried about is the in-laws because we USED TO have drinks together."
if anyone has a problem with me not drinking
they have a problem,not me.
tomsteve is offline  
Old 10-02-2017, 01:13 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Silverback4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
Great advice from Anna and the same advice I received from Anna and Dee only a few days ago and they are so right,you don’t need to explain anything to anyone.

In addition I believe in early recovery this can be one of the things that is daunting for a lot of people so some other suggestions below in case they are of help.

Take the car when you can (if you drive** always a solid reason not to drink.

You are not drinking because you are concentrating on your health (absolutely not a lie)

You have an early start, work commitment or important thing happening the next day and you want a clear head (also not a lie, your imporant thing is your sobriety!)

You are just fed up of drinking, have done it a lot for a long time and have decided to do things without it (also not a lie)

All the best
Silverback4 is offline  
Old 10-02-2017, 01:39 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Friendly Folk
 
ChloeRose63's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,642
There are alo worse things that they can think about you!
" What other people think about you is none of your business!"
ChloeRose63 is offline  
Old 10-02-2017, 02:35 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
Great advice already given so I don't have much to add other than to pile on.

The big perspective is that if you think you have a problem, solving it, meaning not drinking, is far more important than caring about people think. As somebody upthread already mentioned if that's the worst of the fall out then it's a non issue. And if you want to get more assertive and state that you're not drinking for whatever reason, including the truth, those that are you true friends will support, possibly with a little pushback at first, but once you get past the initial "wave" you will be fine.

Main message is, "Don't care about what other people think."
Gonnachange is offline  
Old 10-02-2017, 02:41 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Ohme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by Silverback4 View Post

I believe in early recovery this can be one of the things that is daunting for a lot of people so some other suggestions below in case they are of help.
It's true. I just want to be prepared when it comes up so I don't make a dumb choice to avoid feeling awkward or uncomfortable. I know I shouldn't care what they think but I do and I think that's something that's gonna take time for me to get used to.
One of the biggest causes of my anxiety is the way people feel about me and perceive me and I believe it's the reason that I got so heavily into drinking in the first place. I would drink to not care and then the next day go down a spiral about all the dumb things I said. Ugh. What a monumental waste of time.
Anyways, all of this advice is amazing and I'm thankful to all of you for it. I have a lot to learn and I am ready to hear it.
Not drinking doesn't seem to be the end of the world to me anymore. I don't know when this changed but it probably has something to do with hanging around here for the last 2 years.
Ohme is offline  
Old 10-02-2017, 02:53 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Silverback4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
Originally Posted by Ohme View Post
It's true. I just want to be prepared when it comes up so I don't make a dumb choice to avoid feeling awkward or uncomfortable. I know I shouldn't care what they think but I do and I think that's something that's gonna take time for me to get used to.
One of the biggest causes of my anxiety is the way people feel about me and perceive me and I believe it's the reason that I got so heavily into drinking in the first place. I would drink to not care and then the next day go down a spiral about all the dumb things I said. Ugh. What a monumental waste of time.
Anyways, all of this advice is amazing and I'm thankful to all of you for it. I have a lot to learn and I am ready to hear it.
Not drinking doesn't seem to be the end of the world to me anymore. I don't know when this changed but it probably has something to do with hanging around here for the last 2 years.
It’s totally understandable to be initially anxious about this.
We alcoholics or alcohol abusers or problem drinkers are so obsessed with drinking and how much it has come to define us and be part of our dna that now we are not drinking we put instant pressure on ourselves along with fear to explain ourselves or make up excuses as to why we are no longer drinking.

The truth is that normal drinkers are not obsessed like us and may either be supportive of your healthy choice or couldn’t give a rats ass if we drink or not and what our reasons may be.

When it comes to worrying about what people think or may say about you about drinking or anything for that matter I heard a client and friend of mine who is over 15 years in successful recovery say the following and it has always stuck with me on a profound level:

“Those that care don’t matter and those that matter don’t care”
Silverback4 is offline  
Old 10-02-2017, 04:28 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
It took me a while to understand all I needed to say was no thanks.

I thought, because I focused so much on drinking and found it very important, everyone else did too - but thats not very often the case,

Most times people won't care if I'm drinking soft drink, water or juice

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-02-2017, 08:26 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
SimplyFree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
I just had the chance to say my first "no thanks". The people gave me a double take look, and the conversation continued. Then I proceeded to watch as they created another nasty "tomorrow morning ". The longer they consumed the lower their heads hung. I actually felt bad for them, especially my co worker, we both had to get up early for a customer visit. I felt great and so did my " no thanks".
SimplyFree is offline  
Old 10-02-2017, 08:45 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
A few good options are:

I am driving.
I want to be up fresh in the morning.
Big day tomorrow at work
I want to take a long break
I don't feel like one

And the best: no thanks, not tonight


Etc

I don't think that your lack of drinking is gonna be the focal point of the event. Most people won't even notice.
Renvate is offline  
Old 10-03-2017, 01:03 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
"I'm a dick when I drink,huh? so I don't do that anymore." Is now my go to...
DontRemember is offline  
Old 10-03-2017, 03:50 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
I once read " what other people think of me is their business " .
Enjoy your sobriety and try not jump to conclusions .

hpdw is offline  
Old 10-03-2017, 06:43 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
12-Step Recovered Alkie
 
DayTrader's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
No thanks works 99% of the time. If they persist, I found being honest works the best (imagine that....lol). I simply say I'm a recovered alcoholic (or, when I was new, "recovering alcoholic") and I don't drink anymore.

Why dance around the truth, ya know? The bs stories and excuses were just temporary fixes and that person would inevitably try and push it on me again later. There's some real freedom in telling the truth - both for them AND for me. Telling the truth also got me to look at a pretty valid question - why was I so ashamed to be in recovery? What was I trying to hide? Why was I still trying to play God and manipulate everyone's opinion of me? .......wasn't that they type of behavior I exhibited IN the disease......and wouldn't it make sense to do the opposite in recovery?
DayTrader is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:39 AM.