Relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 4
Relapse
Hello again,
Its only been a short time since I have decided to embrace a sober lifestyle and unfortunately I have already relapsed, had an evening drinking with my husband which ended with "blackout drunk". Apparently I was quite rude and unpleasant as my husband slept in the spare bedroom. My husband always spares me from any details, not sure if this is to spare me the embarasment or him reliving a regrettable event.
It's quite challenging quitting around your partner when they continue to drink.
I have spent some time working on a wellness toolbox, and would appreciate any feedback from anyone who has got sober while alcohol has still been in their relationship. My husband has said he will have a break for awhile but it won't be beneficial to hear about his cravings when they come around.
Its only been a short time since I have decided to embrace a sober lifestyle and unfortunately I have already relapsed, had an evening drinking with my husband which ended with "blackout drunk". Apparently I was quite rude and unpleasant as my husband slept in the spare bedroom. My husband always spares me from any details, not sure if this is to spare me the embarasment or him reliving a regrettable event.
It's quite challenging quitting around your partner when they continue to drink.
I have spent some time working on a wellness toolbox, and would appreciate any feedback from anyone who has got sober while alcohol has still been in their relationship. My husband has said he will have a break for awhile but it won't be beneficial to hear about his cravings when they come around.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
Well done for coming here and you can get straight back to the business of being sober!
I am not experienced enough to offer much advice on your partner continuing to drink other than the fact that my partner is a normal drinker and I ha e no issue with her drinking whenever she chooses.
I have taken drinking for myself completely off the table and have decided I will not be influenced by the behaviour of others.
Sorry if this is coming across as a simple black and white answer because I know nothing is black and white and I will most probably experience cravings or urges at any given point in the future regardless of what the situation is as I am dealing with the mental obsession regarding alcohol which is everywhere.
Maybe ask your partner to abstain for a period while you build your strength in recovery
Wishing you the best
I am not experienced enough to offer much advice on your partner continuing to drink other than the fact that my partner is a normal drinker and I ha e no issue with her drinking whenever she chooses.
I have taken drinking for myself completely off the table and have decided I will not be influenced by the behaviour of others.
Sorry if this is coming across as a simple black and white answer because I know nothing is black and white and I will most probably experience cravings or urges at any given point in the future regardless of what the situation is as I am dealing with the mental obsession regarding alcohol which is everywhere.
Maybe ask your partner to abstain for a period while you build your strength in recovery
Wishing you the best
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
welcome back. I have had several day 1's and was stuck on the merry go round a long time.
The first several months it was hard to be around anyone drinking. It wasn't impossible but it made me uneasy. After about 6 months it didn't bother me at all. My husband sometimes drinks heavily and if it bothers me I leave the house for a little bit and stay busy.
Remember to use HALT. Don't let yourself get hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. If he is drinking make sure to have your favorite snack foods and non alcoholic drinks handy.
Read on here daily, post, play the tape forward and remember why you quit often.
The first several months it was hard to be around anyone drinking. It wasn't impossible but it made me uneasy. After about 6 months it didn't bother me at all. My husband sometimes drinks heavily and if it bothers me I leave the house for a little bit and stay busy.
Remember to use HALT. Don't let yourself get hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. If he is drinking make sure to have your favorite snack foods and non alcoholic drinks handy.
Read on here daily, post, play the tape forward and remember why you quit often.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
For me, the thing that made the biggest difference was my absolute acceptance that I am the type of person who cannot cannot cannot cannot process alcohol in my body like other people. When alcohol enters my body, I will not be able to stop and I will get blackout drunk. Always. This will never change for me. I tried everything. It never never never worked. I was sober for 13 years and relapsed. I spent the next 8 years trying to control my drinking. I'm almost 5 years sober now. And the biggest difference is complete acceptance of the reality that I cannot process alcohol in my body.
Tips on how to live with a partner who drinks is helpful. But I found for me acceptance of my reality with alcohol was what really mattered the most.
Tips on how to live with a partner who drinks is helpful. But I found for me acceptance of my reality with alcohol was what really mattered the most.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Once i was good and clean....maybe 90 days....i began to feel lingering anxiety.
This scared me into seeing how long it would take to go away.
Im still healing.
That is the brain damage.
The stress alcohol muffles, basically an otc drug for addicting and quelling the masses.
Scary.
Now clean for a while, i appreciate sobriety and realize the only reason i tolerateed feeling like hell everyday was because i was heavily physically and mentally addicted.
Thanks.
This scared me into seeing how long it would take to go away.
Im still healing.
That is the brain damage.
The stress alcohol muffles, basically an otc drug for addicting and quelling the masses.
Scary.
Now clean for a while, i appreciate sobriety and realize the only reason i tolerateed feeling like hell everyday was because i was heavily physically and mentally addicted.
Thanks.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I am on day 639. I tried and failed for many years because my husband drinks and there was always booze in the house when I had the slightest weak moment, so not my fault, right?
Wrong. First, reading about alcohol addiction (especially its effects in women) helped me realize that we are being systematically marketed into an early grave by the beverage and entertainment industries.
Second, it's on me whether booze enters my body. No one else. It can't magically fly off the shelf into my mouth.
There will always be alcohol available somewhere. It's up to me, not anyone else.
You can do this.
Wrong. First, reading about alcohol addiction (especially its effects in women) helped me realize that we are being systematically marketed into an early grave by the beverage and entertainment industries.
Second, it's on me whether booze enters my body. No one else. It can't magically fly off the shelf into my mouth.
There will always be alcohol available somewhere. It's up to me, not anyone else.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
I am on day 639. I tried and failed for many years because my husband drinks and there was always booze in the house when I had the slightest weak moment, so not my fault, right?
Wrong. First, reading about alcohol addiction (especially its effects in women) helped me realize that we are being systematically marketed into an early grave by the beverage and entertainment industries.
Second, it's on me whether booze enters my body. No one else. It can't magically fly off the shelf into my mouth.
There will always be alcohol available somewhere. It's up to me, not anyone else.
You can do this.
Wrong. First, reading about alcohol addiction (especially its effects in women) helped me realize that we are being systematically marketed into an early grave by the beverage and entertainment industries.
Second, it's on me whether booze enters my body. No one else. It can't magically fly off the shelf into my mouth.
There will always be alcohol available somewhere. It's up to me, not anyone else.
You can do this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi griffinsgal
Like others have said, you'll find folks here who are happily sober while their spouses still drink.
in a sense we're all non drinkers in a world of drinkers.
Thats why places like SR exist - so that everyone has access to the support they need to stay quit
D
Like others have said, you'll find folks here who are happily sober while their spouses still drink.
in a sense we're all non drinkers in a world of drinkers.
Thats why places like SR exist - so that everyone has access to the support they need to stay quit
D
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