Holding my own
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 5
Holding my own
Hello everyone, for the last 3 months I kept telling myself I can do this without any help. No AA or online forum support. But alot of days I find myself reading old threads from sites like this just so I can relate to some one so here I am.
I drank alcohol every single day for what I think may have been 9 years. With maybe a few days off here and there. I've thought to myself I need to stop alot of times but this so far is the longest stretch. Thank goodness nothing horrible has ever come of it. Just missed occasions and memory makings and regrets and a slight wear and tear on the relationship with my grown daughter. Occasionally I go back to thinking perhaps I can control how often I drink if I feel like i would enjoy having a drink once in awhile. Then logically I tell myself why bother then? But what is scaring me is those thoughts are creeping in more and more....
I drank alcohol every single day for what I think may have been 9 years. With maybe a few days off here and there. I've thought to myself I need to stop alot of times but this so far is the longest stretch. Thank goodness nothing horrible has ever come of it. Just missed occasions and memory makings and regrets and a slight wear and tear on the relationship with my grown daughter. Occasionally I go back to thinking perhaps I can control how often I drink if I feel like i would enjoy having a drink once in awhile. Then logically I tell myself why bother then? But what is scaring me is those thoughts are creeping in more and more....
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome to SR, Pollyan - it's great to meet you.
It made all the difference to me, when I found a place where I could talk freely about what I was going through. No one else in my life understood - they were all social drinkers. I'm glad you have stopped - I didn't when I knew I should - and very bad things happened. It was thinking I could control it that put me in danger many times. I would love to have had 'a couple' once in a while - but there was no such thing for me. Once the first one hit my system, all my resolve went out the window. In the end, it felt great to be free of it. I think reading here will help strengthen you - we all care and want to help.
Congratulations on your 3 months.
It made all the difference to me, when I found a place where I could talk freely about what I was going through. No one else in my life understood - they were all social drinkers. I'm glad you have stopped - I didn't when I knew I should - and very bad things happened. It was thinking I could control it that put me in danger many times. I would love to have had 'a couple' once in a while - but there was no such thing for me. Once the first one hit my system, all my resolve went out the window. In the end, it felt great to be free of it. I think reading here will help strengthen you - we all care and want to help.
Congratulations on your 3 months.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Welcome to SR, Pollyan - it's great to meet you.
It made all the difference to me, when I found a place where I could talk freely about what I was going through. No one else in my life understood - they were all social drinkers. I'm glad you have stopped - I didn't when I knew I should - and very bad things happened. It was thinking I could control it that put me in danger many times. I would love to have had 'a couple' once in a while - but there was no such thing for me. Once the first one hit my system, all my resolve went out the window. In the end, it felt great to be free of it. I think reading here will help strengthen you - we all care and want to help.
Congratulations on your 3 months.
It made all the difference to me, when I found a place where I could talk freely about what I was going through. No one else in my life understood - they were all social drinkers. I'm glad you have stopped - I didn't when I knew I should - and very bad things happened. It was thinking I could control it that put me in danger many times. I would love to have had 'a couple' once in a while - but there was no such thing for me. Once the first one hit my system, all my resolve went out the window. In the end, it felt great to be free of it. I think reading here will help strengthen you - we all care and want to help.
Congratulations on your 3 months.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
It's an adjustment, for sure - but things get much easier as you get some sober time behind you. I had to learn to live in a whole new way - drinking was part of everything I did. You're wise to stay distracted to fight the boredom. Embroidery - I used to do counted cross stitch - but gave it up because I couldn't concentrate. Maybe I should try again. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,978
Hi Pollyan welcome
"Occasionally I go back to thinking perhaps I can control how often I drink if I feel like i would enjoy having a drink once in awhile. Then logically I tell myself why bother then? But what is scaring me is those thoughts are creeping in more and more...."
The alcoholic in our head sounds so very convincing. It plays tricks on us. Thinking that we can control it "this time" is its big lie. Stay strong. 3 months is awesome.
"Occasionally I go back to thinking perhaps I can control how often I drink if I feel like i would enjoy having a drink once in awhile. Then logically I tell myself why bother then? But what is scaring me is those thoughts are creeping in more and more...."
The alcoholic in our head sounds so very convincing. It plays tricks on us. Thinking that we can control it "this time" is its big lie. Stay strong. 3 months is awesome.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
It has to be a blessing that you are noticing the subtle changes in your thinking. It means there is still time to do something about it.
IME treating alcoholism, if that is what you have suffered from, is more a matter of positive action rather than distraction. Distraction in this context is more a form of denial than anything.
I tried distraction and failed to notice my thinking wondering off track. I was so distracted that I didn't notice the fatal first drink until after it was down my neck.
IME treating alcoholism, if that is what you have suffered from, is more a matter of positive action rather than distraction. Distraction in this context is more a form of denial than anything.
I tried distraction and failed to notice my thinking wondering off track. I was so distracted that I didn't notice the fatal first drink until after it was down my neck.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Polly,
Imo...
You are on the right track. It took many many months before my obsessions lessened. If you are med free, that is what will hopefully happen to you.
Now the obsessions are nearly gone. I sit easy w my frustrations. They don't manifest into bigger issues today.
I know, from my siblings in sobriety (here), that a relapse will destroy me. That is why I come back all the time. I stray sometimes, but I have come back here steadily since I discovered this place over 2 years ago.
I am physically and mentally clean. I will never drink again. I cracked 2 times, both were analytical decisions. That has been my nemesis thus far.
My sister drinks about 1 glass of wine a night and takes benzos. She tells me she admires my strength and can't understand how I was able to kick the habit.
The way I did it, is no secret. I cried like a baby, to God, and asked him to save my sorry soul. I told him I need him to take the wheel for a while. My pain immediately lifted. That is step 1 of the 12 in AA.
I am not an AA'r, I am a hybrid.
Stay clean.
Imo...
You are on the right track. It took many many months before my obsessions lessened. If you are med free, that is what will hopefully happen to you.
Now the obsessions are nearly gone. I sit easy w my frustrations. They don't manifest into bigger issues today.
I know, from my siblings in sobriety (here), that a relapse will destroy me. That is why I come back all the time. I stray sometimes, but I have come back here steadily since I discovered this place over 2 years ago.
I am physically and mentally clean. I will never drink again. I cracked 2 times, both were analytical decisions. That has been my nemesis thus far.
My sister drinks about 1 glass of wine a night and takes benzos. She tells me she admires my strength and can't understand how I was able to kick the habit.
The way I did it, is no secret. I cried like a baby, to God, and asked him to save my sorry soul. I told him I need him to take the wheel for a while. My pain immediately lifted. That is step 1 of the 12 in AA.
I am not an AA'r, I am a hybrid.
Stay clean.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by Hevyn
It's an adjustment, for sure - but things get much easier as you get some sober time behind you. I had to learn to live in a whole new way - drinking was part of everything I did. You're wise to stay distracted to fight the boredom. Embroidery - I used to do counted cross stitch - but gave it up because I couldn't concentrate. Maybe I should try again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by gettingsmarter
Hi Pollyan welcome
"Occasionally I go back to thinking perhaps I can control how often I drink if I feel like i would enjoy having a drink once in awhile. Then logically I tell myself why bother then? But what is scaring me is those thoughts are creeping in more and more...."
The alcoholic in our head sounds so very convincing. It plays tricks on us. Thinking that we can control it "this time" is its big lie. Stay strong. 3 months is awesome.
"Occasionally I go back to thinking perhaps I can control how often I drink if I feel like i would enjoy having a drink once in awhile. Then logically I tell myself why bother then? But what is scaring me is those thoughts are creeping in more and more...."
The alcoholic in our head sounds so very convincing. It plays tricks on us. Thinking that we can control it "this time" is its big lie. Stay strong. 3 months is awesome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 5
[QUOTE=Dee74;6621786]Hi and welcome PollyAnn
SR has kept me honest - the members here have helped me see that thoughts of maybe I could drink normally now are just bait on a hook for a fish like me
D[/QUOTE thank you. Nice analogy! 😊
SR has kept me honest - the members here have helped me see that thoughts of maybe I could drink normally now are just bait on a hook for a fish like me
D[/QUOTE thank you. Nice analogy! 😊
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Originally Posted by Pollyan
When looking at it that way it kinda brings to mind the devil on my shoulder..its funny I hadn't looked at it that way at all until just now..
When I stumbled onto SR , I found out about AVRT( Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) , it taught me how to 'hear' my AV , but stop listening to IT. And how not to worry if IT starts to creep up, ITs presence isn't a bad sign, annoying sure, but not in and of itself dangerous. Feel free to tell IT to bugger off
Great threads here on SR about those ideas in the Secular Connections forum, congratulations on your decision to quit !
wish you well and hope to see you around
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