megsykreeg

So ah claims to not be drinking. No big surprise that he would even if he was. Things have been a bit off since May. He keeps drinking energy drinks though and claiming that's the odd smell and maybe causing his behavior. I don't know what to believe. There's not truly evidence of drinking. Usually it would've spiraled out of control by now. He's never been able to hide it long. It just doesn't make sense.

PuzzledHeart

Do you think it's kava/kratom tea?

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/03/u...l?mcubz=3&_r=0

FeelingGreat

I got seriously addicted to coffee after giving up drinking. I also find its helpful to drink something in social situations so I clutch a huge glass of soda water. I don't find substitution to be strange on it's own but the fact that your warning bells are ringing makes me wonder if he's adding something to the drinks, or drinking small amounts on the sly and keeping the buzz going.

My guess is your instincts are correct.

Vivisectus

Funny you should say that - I knew a recovering alcoholic who transferred on to red bull. 6 cans a night she drank. I guess some people still hanker for the self-reward mechanism.

However, if it is used to excuse behavior, then I would suspect either an unhealthy thing by itself, or a cover.

TJD912

My soon-to-be ex AH drinks a *lot* of coffee when he's trying to get sober/maintain sobriety. And also goes back and forth with chewing tobacco. Not surprised...my experience has been one addiction is exchanged for another. I have not had a lot of experience with addicts (whether it be food, gambling, alcohol...), but just the ones I have, even from afar, this seems to be the case.

elihoping

I did the same when I gave up drink. I drank lots of red bull and Diet Coke. Sometimes I'd mix regular Coke and diet in a glass to "balance things out". I was definitely still looking for some type of buzz. At some point, I just phased it out but it took a while.

ukiah77

Yes, my RAH did the whole energy drinks, NA beer, tons of coffee thing. None of it works, it appears they are just looking for an alternative to stand in for alcohol for the time being. Something else to act addicted to. One after another after another, that's the same habit, just different liquid in the cup. It's sad that they don't realize this. From what I've read here, it's dry drunk behavior, probably on the path to relapse. I mentioned something to my RAH about the NA beer probably not a good replacement habit to start but of course I got the usual response, "everything is fine, I'm not drinking, what more do you want from me" attitude. If only they could have a professional tell them these things are not fooling anyone, even if they are fooling themselves. My words fall in deaf ears because I'm the wife. He won't seek help of any kind, and it's very painful for me to just sit by and watch him make all the same mistakes in his recovery that he has many times before, which all resulted in relapse. This must be why many of the threads on this forum tell a story that usually ends with "well, I left him/her...". Good luck. I hope your husband makes the right choices that lead him on a better path for your future together. We are all going through a similar experience, you are not alone!

SaveHer

My AXBF used to blame his breath and the smell emanating from his pores on the copious amounts of energy drinks he consumed. I wasn't buying it. Neither should you. Trust yourself. Or just sit back and wait--all will be revealed.

megsykreeg

As per my thought process, he was drinking. I guess he was using the energy drink to try to counteract the alcohol... sad that it took him flipping his truck to admit he was drinking. He's kicked out.. I'm seeking legal advice and moving on.

Eauchiche

I had a business associate who used to drink Scotch at night (I drank it with him), and energy drinks every afternoon. After an energy drink, he would get squirrely and argumentative.

In retrospect, I wonder if he didn't empty the contents of the energy drink jug and fill it with something else.

Tragically, he died a couple of years ago in his early sixties from a heart attack, followed by a stroke.

maia1234

What's your plan Meg... Do you own a home together? This might be a problem kicking him out. Are you seeking an attorney for a divorce?

Figure out what your plan is and execute it. It takes a lot of time to follow through. Maybe you should try and cut contact. Sounds like he is full of it. Hugs!!

hopeful4

Glad you are moving forward.

Smarie78

Without a doubt, I think many of us are familiar with alcoholics who love energy drinks and coffee and other socially acceptable stimulants. Even when my qualifier would go dry I recall an insatiable appetite for coffee and soda and cigarettes. I remember a road trip we took once where it felt like we had to stop every 10 minutes so he could get one of those and then stopping every 10 minutes after so he could pee! The point is, your partner may be using the energy drinks to hide the booze, but he could also genuinely not be drinking but using the energy drinks to catch that same buzz. Neither are healthy and my experience is that when the booze is replaced by something else, it is only a matter of time until they get sick of the substitute and go back to boozing. That's why in recovery, the focus tends to be more on understanding how to fill the void and embrace it vs. a 'just don't drink' mentality. It's not enough to just avoid booze (though that is key of course). There needs to be a healing on what booze or anything else is trying to cover up.

Also, if his behavior has been a bit off that could signify a relapse is coming. That's how my qualifier would behave. He would have days where he just seemed not himself. I couldn't put my finger on it. And it wasn't always blatant drunkenness. Just, as you put it, off. I ended up realizing that it didn't matter if he was drunk or high or just in a bad mood. If he seemed off, I didn't want to be around him. It didn't matter whether he was or not, it mattered how comfortable I felt. I do understand however how frustrating it is when you just know something is up, but you have no smoking gun. This is also very codependent behavior. Keep in mind, doesn't matter what they are up to, it matters how their behaviors make you feel. Try some boundaries for these moments. Pay attention to how they make you feel. If uncomfortable, then place boundaries to keep distance. I did that and it really helped. It allowed me not to have to be a detective around him and obsess over 'is he or isn't he?'. It let me say 'well, whatever is going on it makes me uncomfortable so I will choose not to spend time with him today"...probably harder if married, but thought I would share.

hopeful4

She said he did relapse....

atalose

We stared so long at the booze we relished when we though it stopped but we neglect to see that addiction comes in all forms, drugs, shopping, gambling, food, coffee, energy drinks, exercise…..anything in excess feeds that addictive personality.

I am glad you are seeing things today you were unable or unsure of seeing before.