Churlishgirl

Good morning.....

I really don't know where to start. My head is throbbing from a week of drinking that finally caught up with me yesterday. Vomited in my office and all, before I finally made an excuse to go home.

I've been drinking pretty heavily for years... through an otherwise lovely 7-year marriage, divorce and four years following. I started drinking very heavily during our marriage, and thought I'd stop after we divorced.

Nope! Turns out, I've found alcohol to be my "crutch" for the past 4 years. It's the only thing that turns my stress "off." For some reason, the hangovers have been insufficient to make me quit for more than a few days.

Meanwhile, I am experiencing a crumbling life. I'm normally a tidy person, but my house is a disaster after the past week of drinking every night. My finances are also a mess, and I think I'm going to have to file for bankruptcy. I'm a professional, but my billable time is slipping uncontrollably since I'm hung over every day. And then there are the blackouts, oh my.

I need to stop. I know. And I hear it often, from my mother, my ex, my good friends. I can't simply "lay off" and drink reasonably... which really ticks me off!!!!! And I'm so bored when I'm not drinking.

And so, I'm here. Hoping that I can get help and healing among a community, and also give back to it whenever I'm well enough to do so!! It's been interesting so far to read your stories and to relate to them so much. We are not alone. And for that I'm very grateful!

biminiblue

So.

Are you willing to not drink today? It sounds like you've suffered enough. Are you ready to stop beating yourself up?

I think you deserve better, Churlishgirl.

Churlishgirl

I am willing to not drink today, absolutely. Do I really seem like I'm beating myself up?? Because I do, a lot... but I try very hard to hide it.

Thank you, biminiblue.

biminiblue

When I was drinking, by sheer virtue of the fact that I was drinking, I was beating myself up. On top of the physical damage I was doing, I allowed my home, my weight, my relationships, my work, my every thought to be affected by drinking. I didn't have a happy, positive thought very often - I was busy trying to just hold it together without everyone knowing what was going on in my secret world in my head. Very much like you are, "hiding it."

Putting out fires. Falling behind. Whack-a-mole.

The crumbling life you described is caused by the drinking. You listed quite a few problems - and I can relate to some of them.

They go away with continuous sober time.

ReadyAtLast

Welcome to SR. I'm 40 something ex professional female whose life used to revolve around drinking. I lost so many relationships, friends, money and career progression due to my drinking.

I quit in 2012 for 3..5 years and my life changed and improved so much. I left a lonely, loveless marriage, moved countries changed my career completely made new friends and met my now husband.

I picked up again last year and slowly and surely things are getting worse again. I'm still in early days again but I promise your life will improve immeasurably when you quit.

Anna

It sounds like you're experiencing a downward spiral with your drinking, as I did. Alcoholism is progressive and it will worsen unless you stop drinking. I'm glad you're ready to make a positive change in your life. You will be able to turn your life around.

Don't be put off by others who don't understand alcoholism. You know what you need to do to make this work. If you're bored when you're sober, then make a plan to do things that you enjoy that don't involve alcohol. I picked up some hobbies that I had previously and also started walking a lot. What do you like to do?

And, it's a good idea to come up with a recovery plan that will work for you. And, you will find lots of support here.

Quit290117

Hi Churlishgirl, I was a binge drinker who knew I had to stop before it progressed to something worse. I can relate to your thinking about life being boring. I had this too. One thing that's surprised me is that im doing so much more now that I don't really have time to be bored. It sounds strange but I get immense satisfaction out of doing all the household jobs that I always put off when I was drinking. Everyone's experience is different and reading all the stories on here will help you. Whenever I feel I like drinking I just need to read one post or write one and the craving/anxiety goes away. Stay close to SR and you will slowly start to see changes to your life. It's 15 weeks today since my last binge and although life's not perfect it's a hell of a lot better than it used to be and I love knowing that I will go to work on Monday actually feeling like I have had a rest over the weekend and not feeling like crap. I wish you well on your journey.

ChloeRose63

Hi, Chirlishgirl!
I drink when I get bored, too. For some reason I think life is more exciting when I am drunk. I just came off of a binge of beer and I am hurting. I hope you feel better soon. I hope we both can get sober together.

Dee74

Welcome Churlish Girl - how are you feeling now?

D

Hevyn

I'm so glad you joined us, Churlishgirl. You can reclaim your life & turn this around. I hope you'll keep reading and posting - this is a great place for encouragement as you begin to recover.

january161992

haw are you today Churlishgirl ?

ChloeRose63

Thinking of you, Churlishgirl. Hoping you are still with us. Don't give up. It gets better.