A day for me...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 60
A day for me...
I may not be ready to give up on my AH, who is making a half hearted attempt at recovering, but I am ready to let go of all the drama and stress!!
Today has been all about me without a thought about what he might or might not be doing, or what i think he should or shouldn't be doing.
I managed to make the house look presentable for the first time in weeks (the housework got ignored because i was too caught up in the dramas). The kids had friends round and ran riot around the house, while the mum and I chatted - it was so nice to have a house filled with laughter!! While AH was at his meeting tonight I sat and painted my nails.
To most people they are normal every day things but to me it feels like such a bit step towards focusing on me and the kids.I'm so proud of myself and wanted to tell someone, there's no point in telling AH because he won't get it!
Today has been all about me without a thought about what he might or might not be doing, or what i think he should or shouldn't be doing.
I managed to make the house look presentable for the first time in weeks (the housework got ignored because i was too caught up in the dramas). The kids had friends round and ran riot around the house, while the mum and I chatted - it was so nice to have a house filled with laughter!! While AH was at his meeting tonight I sat and painted my nails.
To most people they are normal every day things but to me it feels like such a bit step towards focusing on me and the kids.I'm so proud of myself and wanted to tell someone, there's no point in telling AH because he won't get it!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I love this. When you love an addict so many times that leads to isolation and not taking care of ourselves because we are trying to keep all the plates spinning all the time taking care of everything else.
I am happy to hear you put that focus on you and were kind to yourself and sought a joyful day.
Good for you!
I am happy to hear you put that focus on you and were kind to yourself and sought a joyful day.
Good for you!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The more we focus on them, the less we take care of ourselves.
The more we take care of ourselves, the less energy we give to their addiction/recovery/issues.
Funny how that works.
Good to hear that you have the hang of how to do this, painting your nails, laughing with a friend and enjoying the joy of children is a wonderful way to brighten your spirit.
The more we take care of ourselves, the less energy we give to their addiction/recovery/issues.
Funny how that works.
Good to hear that you have the hang of how to do this, painting your nails, laughing with a friend and enjoying the joy of children is a wonderful way to brighten your spirit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 60
Thank you for all the supportive replies! I really didn't expect them and wrote here just to share my news!
I have begun to notice how much of my time and attention AH has demanded and every day have tried to not focus on it much to his disapproval - he has definitely worked hard to get much attention with strops and unkind remarks!! But for the first time in ages I haven't let it get to me or upset me there has been lots of eye rolling from me though!
Chloerose .. that sounds like such a good idea, it's sad really but I just enjoy the peace and calm! I have a hectic, stressful job and 3 beautiful but chaotic children plus AH so I just love sitting and doing nothing!! Maybe in time I will pick up a hobby!
How do you all treat yourselves or spend your 'me' time?
I have begun to notice how much of my time and attention AH has demanded and every day have tried to not focus on it much to his disapproval - he has definitely worked hard to get much attention with strops and unkind remarks!! But for the first time in ages I haven't let it get to me or upset me there has been lots of eye rolling from me though!
Chloerose .. that sounds like such a good idea, it's sad really but I just enjoy the peace and calm! I have a hectic, stressful job and 3 beautiful but chaotic children plus AH so I just love sitting and doing nothing!! Maybe in time I will pick up a hobby!
How do you all treat yourselves or spend your 'me' time?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am similar to you in some ways. I am always so crazy busy that I enjoy just having time to myself sometimes. I enjoy my pets, I have cats and dogs and just love them to pieces. I like to walk, and prefer to take the dogs with me. I read. I do things with friends, but try to find a balance between that and needing to give myself some space as well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 18
Me time
Hi princessofhope
So good to hear you are doing something for you, it can be anything from a soak in the bath, a walk, a book or a coffee with a friend but it's invaluable, just remember you are important too! You need to look after yourself to be able to look after him. I've learnt, we can't rescue, we can't save and boundaries are there for a reason. It's so hard to put them in place but starting with a little me time, is a really good place to begin. Get some support whether here, alanon or a carers service, somewhere you can say how you feel makes an enormous difference. Care for the carer! X
So good to hear you are doing something for you, it can be anything from a soak in the bath, a walk, a book or a coffee with a friend but it's invaluable, just remember you are important too! You need to look after yourself to be able to look after him. I've learnt, we can't rescue, we can't save and boundaries are there for a reason. It's so hard to put them in place but starting with a little me time, is a really good place to begin. Get some support whether here, alanon or a carers service, somewhere you can say how you feel makes an enormous difference. Care for the carer! X
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