alli30

Having family problems mainly with my dad. It seems that he is not willing to give me a chance at happiness unless it is by his standards and what makes him happy. I can't seem to get him to understand that things are not the same with me and my personal life and believe that he thinks that he's doing right in the things he says and does but is not willing to see my side. I know in AA that you are supposed to make ammends but what if the person is not willing especially someone as close as your father. Still proud of my 9 days sober and thanks for all the encouragement. Staying straight for myself first and foremost this time and believe that will help me get through all this.

Love,
Alli

Little Missy

Alli, Congratulations on your 9 days sober! That is wonderful!! I don't know your family situation, but I do know that we are in charge of our own happiness. It's all in how we perceive things!

Keep up the good work!
Hugs,
Missy

lulu70

Hey Alli--First I want to congratulate you on your 9 days of sobriety. Second, you do not have to worry about making amends yet. When the time comes, you will understand what you need to do. Also, you cannot change your father or his actions and attitudes. All you can do is change the way you react to him. You will be alright. You can get through this.....one day at a time.

Hugs--

hopealwayz

Alli,
9 days is great. Keep doing what you're doing and remember all you can change is how you react to situations. It is good to hear that you are doing this for you and no one else. To stay sober each of us has to do it for ourselves. In time, your father will probably come around. Time plays a big role in situations. Take care of yourself and stick around here with us.

Love,
Hope

Moontime

Congrats on your 9 days! Stay sober right now is the biggest amends (change) you can do. The rest will take care of itself, there is a reason the steps are in order and you have 8 steps in front before you have to do so.

godsonmyside

I remember being in a rehab making long distance Collect phone call to make amends, not understanding why nobody would accept my phone call, I'VE CHANGED. Today I understand a little better. Congradulations on 9 days, live your amends for right now and the rest will fall into place. It is a process and it doesn't all happen over night, so give yourself a break and remember Easy Does It!
Thanks, Todd J.

Godswillnotmine

Ali,

I know exactly where you are coming from and my first attempts at recovery, I basically was doing to prove to my family, if you love me here I am staying clean LOVE ME....needless to say it worked out the complete opposite. My mom and children came to see me in Rehab, but my father just said "you got a long road ahead of you" and did not come to see me. I managed to stay clean that time for a little less than 60 days then came to the insane conclusion, he is just never going to accept me or love me the way I always wished he would. I was then caught up in active addiction again for just about a year when things really hit rock bottom. I wound up somewhere in a very part of town in complete self destruction, with nobody to call or support me and I just wanted to shrivel up and disappear. I wound up in an Emergency room in pretty bad shape and the nurses and doctors were asking me "who can we call to pick you up?" After a few attempts of trying to call some people, they came back with no success. At that point I felt so alone and that nobody cared, and what was my purpose? To die an addict? and that nobody cared about that? So I finally swallowed some pride whatever was left and asked her to call my father, completely thinking he wouldn't come anyway. Thinking that if I at least tried, and he did not come I could finally admit to myself he didn't care. Well he and my mother were there within the hour and although I was so happy to see them, I still felt empty, hopeless inside. Then he told me he loved me and I didn't have to do this anymore. That was 56 days ago and I have been clean ever since. Today we have an open and honest relationship. Gods will. The first time around I probably would not have appreciated things as much as I do today. No remember prior to all this me and my Dad probably spoke a handful of times in the last 5yrs. I never never thought he would accept me before addiction, during addiction, or when I tried cleaning up. When I was at my lowest point hopeless, faithless, empty inside he was there loving me and he loved me the whole time. The people we hurt are always hesistant when we start getting clean, and they have been so hurt by our actions because they love us. They just don't want to be hurt again. Just remember he is your father and he does love you he wants to tell you what you should do, because that is the conclusions he has come up with in his head and heart when you didn't even think he was thinking of you. He is afraid and is trying to help you in the best way he knows how. Here is a poem my father wrote for me after 30 days. Hang in there and do this for nobody but yourself the rest will fall into place. Give yourself a break, and recovery is not an immediate fix things do take time and in time you will recieve everything you need. Congrats on your 9 days and Keep coming back. Pray. You will be in my prayers.
Theresa

The Love of a Father

My heart had been broken I thought it never would heal
So overcome with despair I could no longer feel
My first born child had been taken from me
Held captive by demons that would not let her be

I watched in horror as she traveled this path
A gauntlet I know for I’ve felt the same wrath
I know all too well the pain of being alone
Not knowing of love or the warmth of a home

I had hoped my mistakes would save her such pain
But it didn’t you see and I had to live it again
Only this time it was different as it wasn’t me
For this was my child and I could not make her see

I feared for her life and I feared for her soul
And I desperately hoped she would climb out of that hole
I lay awake in bed praying as best as I knew how
That God would help her, God please help her now

As hours turned to days and days into weeks
My fears and my hopes rose and fell like twin peaks
Then one day a call came from a voice I knew not
They told me my daughter was brought in on a cot

They told me she was hopeless and she had no one to call
That she had burned all her bridges and it was now time to fall
But this angel from God she knew better you see
Because she picked up the phone and she dialed me

When I walked in the door I could not believe my own eyes
Because I saw the shell of a person with no will to try
I told her I loved her and that the nightmare could end
All she need to do is give me her hand

For the love of a father is simple and true
And sometimes all it takes is to start anew
So know that you are never and I mean never alone
And that two lives were saved when I picked up the phone

Never question your right to be happy in life
For it can be achieved despite all the strife
Look to your children and their eyes full of hope
If you look long enough you won’t ever need dope.

Phinneas

That's beautiful, Theresa. You are blessed to have that love and support.

jojo

Godswillnotmine

thank you so much, hoping it helps someone as much it has helped me