Silverback4

Hi all, I hope you all are well.
First time on here since last Thurs/Fri - day 18 of sobriety for me, has been an especially hectic week with work now I am functioning more productively !

Staying as true to my recovery plan as I can and I have attended my first AA meeting.
I was apprehensive as you can imagine and had a real pang of panic just before going in but so glad I did.
Great people at all different stages of recovery, very warm, welcoming and friendly and spoke to a lot of people that were happy that I had gone in to the meeting on my own and on my own steam.

Identified with a lot that I heard, Felt very comfortable in the end and I am looking forward to my next meeting.
I want to work the steps and unlock the benefits that putting the work in has to offer.
I know that I can read all of the books and literature there is but to truly benefit I need to do the work.

I know AA may not be for everyone but it is something that I want to commit to and do the work so I can fulfil the very best version of my sober life.
I deserve it and my family really deserves it!

I am out tomorrow night as mentioned in previous posts for a meal with some other couples friends of ours and have already resisted the requests to not drive and have a "few" drinks or to meet earlier than the table is booked, so we can fill up with alcohol prior to eating which is the usual habit for this group.

I have made it clear I am not drinking and I am driving and if pressured again on the night to "leave the car and get a cab home" I have no trouble in briefly explaining why I will not be drinking tomorrow night or any night in the future and why it is actually a much better scenario for all!

Best wishes to you all
Thanks

Mountainmanbob

Good luck with your AA attendance, finding a sponsor and working the steps.
9 years sober here and was at a meeting yesterday.
Better than the old life.
M-Bob

Mountainmanbob

Good luck with your AA attendance, finding a sponsor and working the steps.
9 years sober here and was at a meeting yesterday.
Better than the old life.
M-Bob

Silverback4

Thanks MountainmanB - was speaking with a guy who was 14yrs sober and attending 3 meetings per week minimum and another person who was celebrating 6 years sober today.

Inspirational to say the least and absolutely builds my own desire to have a slice of what these wonderful people have achieved.

anxiousrock

I like AA. I got some of the books to read at home and that helps as well.

Anna

I'm glad you've found something that works for you and congratulations on Day 18.

For me, it's important to remember that 'No thanks' is an adequate response to 'Do you want a drink'. I don't owe anyone an explanation as to whether or not I drink.

Silverback4

That’s good and I did the same.

Read the big book, living sober, 12 steps and 12 traditions along with months on this great site amongst some other things

I knew that just reading it wasn’t going to be enough and I need to use the Big Book in as more of a study guide and a process to work through rather than some literature to read.

It all helps

Silverback4

Thanks Anna and you are spot on. There is no real requirement for any other answer.

This group know me as the big drinking party boy and will not take a standard brief answer. It won’t make sense to them. First time we have all been together in months with no children and me not drinking will not compute with them.
I know they will keep going and keep going all night.

I suppose what I meant is that if the need arises I am completely comfortable to briefly put them in the picture so the consistent asking stops and we can all enjoy our night,

The fact that I feel comfortable enough to openly put it out there is a massive sign of progress for me as it would not have happened 6 months ago and it also helps me from an accountability stand point.

ReadyAtLast

In my experience other people don't understand or don't want to understand,. I was always the big drinker at family events and with friends too and when i quit they thought it was a joke, made a joke of me and said I was boring.

friendships change when we get sober. Don't be surprised if your friends don't understand and don't even try to understand. I understand where you are coming fromabout being comfortable and that's great but don't expect them to 'get' it and be supportive. Many people don't like the dynamics changing and when the party animal stops partying it often holds up a mirror to others' drinking issues. It's not our business to convince people why we don't drink.

As Anna says ' no thanks' or 'no I'm not drinking' is enough. We don't have to explain ourselves to others. If they won't accept that that's their problem, not ours.

I lost some friends when I got sober the first time round, some because I was 'boring' and not that party person anymore and others because I really didn't want to be out with a group of people who were drinking all night and I was sat there sober. no fun for me.

anyway, hope you have a good night anyway and congrats on 18 days sober

Silverback4

Readyatlast thank you. Yet more sound advice.

Good point in it not being our responsibility to make or help others understand and at least 1member of the group would fall into the holding the mirror up category you mention.

I really love how this place gets you thinking, thank you all.

Dee74

Sounds like you have a plan and a good attitude silverback - I glad AA was useful too

D

Scruffanie

Hi Silverback, I really like hearing posts about positive AA first time experiences, they remind me of my first meeting so thank you for that
I am a regular AAer, 9 and a half mths sober and working the program with a Sponsor. It has been a Godsend and the growth I have experienced so far in all areas of my life has been great. It has also helped me navigate through some really difficult situations without the urge or the need to pick up. I hope you'll 'keep coming back'
I hope your outing goes well and I agree with Anna, we don't owe an explanation for our decision not to drink.
Congrats on 18 days. Wishing well my friend.

Zebra1275

The fellowship of other people in AA had a profound effect on my getting sober.

For many years I tried to beat alcohol by myself, it’s when I gave that up and joined the group here and at AA that things started to change.

Hevyn

Hi Silver - I'm glad you gave us an update. It seems you got a lot out of the meeting - we can't have too much support & encouragement. Well done.

Congratulations on your 18 days - be proud.

August252015

Good for you in all your proactive steps. As a dedicated AAer I will tell you it not only saved my life bu through my continual learning and growing by really working the program, I truly have a new way of living and see the promises coming true just about everywhere in my life. Keep coming back!

Silverback4

Scruff, Zebra, Hevyn, August
Thank you all so much.

I did have a very positive experience and reading all of your posts and where you are in your own recovery is exactly what I want and where I want to be.
I know that working the steps will be very tough at times but I really really want this.

I hope in a good few months time to be experiencing some of the enlightenment that all of you share.

Thanks again, really appreciate you all taking the time to reply.

I am going to get to another meeting at lunchtime today prior to my outing tonight,

Have a great Saturday all

Done4today

Welcome Silverback,

18 days is a great start!! I am an AAer also. You're courageous to hangout with old drinking buddies. When I venture into the lions den, I make a plan and stick to it. My plan usually consists of showing up late when they are already half in the bag, then I leave as soon as I should. I give them quality time and it doesn't drag on where the why don't you drink questions from a slurring drunk happen.

Good luck

Silverback4

Thanks Done I get what your saying.

I have gradually cut off from my REAL destructive drinking buddies.
This is a softer affair but they will still be scratching their heads as to why I am not ordering double brandies for everyone

Good advice Done, I have already pushed the time of the meal back a bit to 8pm, refused to meet early at a bar and have deliberately refused the offer of overnight childcare which was offered by family so We need to be home for our babies,

So I will be meeting at 8pm and home for 11pm and I will actually enjoy my meal rather than pushing the food around because it would interfere with my drinking.

I used to spend 3 hours rattling and hatching a plan on how I could get more booze when the shop opened so I can get through this 3 hours.

Best wishes

Hevyn

Let us know how it goes - we care.

I know what you mean about building our lives around it. I can't believe I ever allowed it to be my focal point. I'm so glad we don't do that anymore.

Silverback4

Good morning all, hope everyone is well.

I had my night out with friends last night, as I said just a meal at a nice restaurant and had a good time without alcohol. Most of the night was great for me, I had a couple of pangs as I watched my mate sit all night and try several beers from this upmarket beer menu which during my drinking career would have been manner from heaven for me.

Looking around at the various parties and “fun” times that people appeared to be having around me with booze did give me that little pang of remorse again bordering on frustration that I can never be one of those drinkers or a “normie” when it comes to booze.

I am so glad i didn’t drink and I never had any intention to.
Drove home and love the fact that my partner had the best and most relaxed time out that she has been able to have in a while because she didn’t have to worry about me going off the rails.
I don’t want to say I feel proud as pride comes before a fall and all that stuff but I do feel good and stronger for last night.

My partner said that she was so happy to be in company with the real me and felt that she got back so much more from me that had been diluted previously and killing part of my personality and drowning the rest.

I know that at nearly 9am Sunday morning now I would be sweating until 12 noon until I could go and buy booze and I definitely would be if I had picked up last night.
This Sunday morning is so much better and I am not giving it up for anything.

I had some great food and actually took my time to enjoy it and then a lovely coffee at the end while everyone else was having “1 for the road”
During my meal I drank ginger beer and lime and water didn’t feel like I was really missing out.
There was a long spiral staircase between our table and the bathrooms and I could navigate that with ease and with a spring in my step rather than trying not to fall down them or worry about “looking drunk” because I was 3 sheets.

Nothing to apologise for this morning and can give my kids my full 100%.

Day 20 for me today and I am doing this thing.

Wishing you all a great sober Sunday.