hpdw

This week has been so strange I am exhausted mentally .
Monday : A driver of a big SUV BMW reversed into the front of me . I had to start the process of insurance claim, injury claim etc ,phone call after phone call .
Tuesday : my birthday which was a positive day but although the Chinese buffet was a nice experience and I got some nice gifts from family I don't like birthdays .
Wednesday: My wife and I visited oldest son in prison which is never a good experience . He's fine and will be out in a few months but the visit always affects me ,seeing your once little boy we brought into the world locked up .
Thursday : Wife consultation at hospital for yearly check up+ Ultrasound liver scan . I am a wreck at these consultations in case she gets bad news however all is well . Afternoon we had our 2 year old grandson 12-5.30 pm ( he is my oldest sons boy ) had a lovely time with him so this was a positive although I had a tense nervous headache all day and was in bed at 8.30 pm .
Friday : I have a GP appointment to log the car accident and discuss neck pain and headaches . 12 noon today I have an assessment session with a private physiotherapist to work out any treatment I require ( the insurance company take the bill for this) .

All together I feel ragged and tense and slept terrible last night , up at 06.30 drinking tea .

Yesterday the tension I felt in my neck and head was so bad I made a comment to my wife " half a dozen beers would sort this out " she said "there's the kettle and the tea bags " . It was a totally off the cuff comment from me and carried no weight with regards to a craving .

So that was my week,ups and down . Going to the weekend I am planning NOTHING except to pamper myself and my dear wife and go some walks .

Thanks

hpdw

I think when I speak to my GP this morning I will ask about what medication is available as I am still very sensitive to some lifes events . Surely there must me something that's non addictive . I didn't want to go down the medication route but i'm fed up feeling fine for a spell then crashing into a nervous wreck .

Steely

What about meditation, relaxation techniques, mindfulness, exercise, those sorts of things Thomas?

sweetichick

Hey Thomas. I feel the same. I could really relate to your post. I have no answers though. Sorry to hear your son is in prison.

sweetichick

Maybe some short walks may help. Help clear your head a bit.

Dee74

Hey Thomas

I'm sorry for your bad week - I hope next week is better.

Like some others have noted here, the ideas of meds to help you cope seems a little bit of a red flag to me.

I was very sensitive to lifes events too, but the more I faced the better I got at dealing with things.

Obviously no one wants you to be in distress or pain - but I'd examine my motives and make sure they're pure

D

hpdw

I agree Dee . I posted a few weeks back saying I didn't want to go on medication and still don,t and maybe overeating ,just had such a flare up of anxiety symptoms i,ts got me a bit fed up .
Steely ,thanks .
Sweetchick thanks for your kind words , my son being in prison is probably one of the hardest things to deal with . A thousand if only , what if statements come to my mind , I sometimes beat myself up mentally that IF ONLY i hadn't been a drinker I would have been a better dad , WHAT IF i'd done this or done that better. Yet he tells me he had a great upbringing .

Stronger2017

That's a lot of stress for one week - I just had the one issue this week and I was a mess so I can't imagine how you're dealing with things. I would be a little concerned about the "6 beers' comment if it was me. Personally, I'd go to the doctor and have an honest talk. They are the best person to talk to in my opinion. They can of course give you meds but they might also be able to able to recommend a counselor or whatever. They could even just schedule a follow up appointment a couple of weeks later just so you can check in. I really don't know how things are where you live but I've used my doctor in this way before.

Steely

I have the same feelings with my daughter having mental illness Thomas and blame myself so much. I just try now to demonstrate a new sober me to her and try to lead by example.

I cannot undo the past, but I can change the future. So hard to drop the
self-blame even though I know it is futile and will change nothing. Probably only make things worse.

I am really glad to hear that your son told you he had a great upbringing. That counts for a lot.

azure808

You sound like a good team.
(Also) Thomas

hpdw

Went to physio who worked on some tight neck muscles .
Went to GP who does not recommend pills and encourages me to continue with my CBT ,eat healthier ,get more exercise .

Hope you all have nice weekend .

Culture

What a horrible week you have had Thomas, you have my sympathies.

But full credit to you for not drinking over your problems.

Hope you have a better weekend.

Dee74

Hope next week is better

D

Silverback4

That’s a rollercoaster of a week in anyone’s book Thomas sparking all sorts of anxious and fearful thoughts so don’t be too hard on yourself.

You sound like your up for a nice weekend together so close the door on this week and enjoy every minute of it.

sweetichick

I would not blame yourself. My dad was a drunk and I didn't end up in prison. It's all about an individual's choices. Parents can't ultimately control that. I can't imagine the agony you must be going through. Are you on an SSRI antidepressants?. They help me with anxiety and boost my mood. My brother in law is in jail and his mother just died of emphysema. I think the worry killed her to be honest. All you Can do is be strong now and show him lots of support and a great example. You are obviously a very caring person.

Anna

Thomas, I hope your neck/back pain clears up quickly. It's a good idea to go to physio.

sweetichick

Another thought is that I was a Drunk mother. My eldest is working and the youngest is doing great in high school. It's not you Thomas. CBT is great. I have done it. You may already know about deep breathing and mindfulness. I use that everyday.

Stronger2017

Glad to hear you got checked out. I could do with seeing the physio myself as I've got a few aches and pains too🤕 I hope the pampering is going well and it sets you up nicely for next week!

Meraviglioso

wow, what a week! I am sure you are glad to put it behind you. As Culture said, hats off to you for not turning to alcohol. I am glad to hear you got checked out by a doctor for you pain, good for you for following up on that- getting the appointment and attending.
I hope your weekend is much smoother and proves to be relaxing.

hpdw

Thanks you all for the positive responses .
I slept a bit better last night . I don't know about you but in my case stress can accumulate over days or weeks then panic attacks rear their ugly head when I thought I was clear of them , especially the nocturnal ones ,waking up ridged ,trembling with a fear that i'm about to die any moment , not pleasant .

Soon after the start of being sober this time ( 1st Aug, 61 days to be exact same as my age ) I made a plan for recovery so obviously although I am not drinking I am still not quite there mentally . I did increase my walks but it tapered off and unfortunately I seem to use food as a comforter and not the most healthy food either .
On the plus side I honestly have never craved a drink . I made a comment to my wife the other day how 6 beers would help today , but it was just an out loud fleeting thought and disappeared in a second ,however I should not have said it .
Its a cool September morning and going to walk a couple of miles after I do a few chores .