I thought I had stopped for good...but back to Day One. :-(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 35
I thought I had stopped for good...but back to Day One. :-(
I've stopped and started again SO many times. But this last time (toward the end of May) felt like it was really the one that was going to stick. But I found myself drinking again a month later. And have been drinking pretty heavily and consistently since then, up until today. I really, really, really want to break this cycle, but I feel like I have two personalities. One who so desperately wants to be happy, healthy and alcohol free, and seems to understand the problems my drinking causes., and the other personality who just wants to be normal and drink when I want to or feel like it. And that personality has ZERO self control. Is self control something you can learn or practice or get better at? Cause apparently I suck at it. :-(
Boxer
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Tampa, Florida
Posts: 151
Hello NewLife,
I think that's a pattern the majority of us on this site have experienced to varying degrees. Hang in there, you will be glad when you do. Keep coming to SR and reading, there is a lot of collective wisdom here. Good luck!
I think that's a pattern the majority of us on this site have experienced to varying degrees. Hang in there, you will be glad when you do. Keep coming to SR and reading, there is a lot of collective wisdom here. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
I could never drink just one glass of wine. Once I opened the bottle, that sucker would be consumed. There was no "off" switch for me. My brain and body never said "ok, we are good. No more for me!"
"Normies"dont have to worry or ever even think about their drinking. There is no struggle to learn how to moderate - that is just how they roll.
I think the AA big book mentions thst the great obsession of all alcoholics is to control their drinking, and that they will chase this dream all the way to their death.
It really IS an easier, happier way to live in complete sobriety. Really!!!
"Normies"dont have to worry or ever even think about their drinking. There is no struggle to learn how to moderate - that is just how they roll.
I think the AA big book mentions thst the great obsession of all alcoholics is to control their drinking, and that they will chase this dream all the way to their death.
It really IS an easier, happier way to live in complete sobriety. Really!!!
It is possible. Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi newlife - when I look back to the time that that stiuck for me the difference was not only did I feel it would be my last quit but I kept working at it to ensure it would be my last quit.
Some people might be able to just stop drinking and 'set and forget' but that wasn't me - my first few months were very labour intensive.
I changed a lot of things in my life - what I deal for fun, who I hung around with , how I solved problems, how I dealt with difficult emotions - and I found the level of support I needed to make all that happen and keep it happening.
What kind of things do you think you can add this time to make this your last quit and ensure you stay sober?
D
Some people might be able to just stop drinking and 'set and forget' but that wasn't me - my first few months were very labour intensive.
I changed a lot of things in my life - what I deal for fun, who I hung around with , how I solved problems, how I dealt with difficult emotions - and I found the level of support I needed to make all that happen and keep it happening.
What kind of things do you think you can add this time to make this your last quit and ensure you stay sober?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by NewLife310 
I've stopped and started again SO many times. But this last time (toward the end of May) felt like it was really the one that was going to stick. But I found myself drinking again a month later. And have been drinking pretty heavily and consistently since then, up until today. I really, really, really want to break this cycle, but I feel like I have two personalities. One who so desperately wants to be happy, healthy and alcohol free, and seems to understand the problems my drinking causes., and the other personality who just wants to be normal and drink when I want to or feel like it. And that personality has ZERO self control. Is self control something you can learn or practice or get better at? Cause apparently I suck at it. :-(
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
No self control when it comes to Alcohol unfortunately. Spent a few years slowly but surely realising that and now actually facing up to it and surrendering to that fact.
I tried changing what I drank, how many, how often, stop drinking by a certain time or only on certain days - all failed miserably and pretty quickly.
If I did stick to a limit that had been applied I behaved like I had just earned an olympic medal and everyone around me should be grateful for how "good" I had been.
I would then use this spell of perceived control as a bargaining chip to secure my next drinking session.
Total madness when I look back - the sober me would not think in these terms and understand now how messed up they looked from another perspective.
I tried changing what I drank, how many, how often, stop drinking by a certain time or only on certain days - all failed miserably and pretty quickly.
If I did stick to a limit that had been applied I behaved like I had just earned an olympic medal and everyone around me should be grateful for how "good" I had been.
I would then use this spell of perceived control as a bargaining chip to secure my next drinking session.
Total madness when I look back - the sober me would not think in these terms and understand now how messed up they looked from another perspective.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Silverback4
No self control when it comes to Alcohol unfortunately. Spent a few years slowly but surely realising that and now actually facing up to it and surrendering to that fact.
I tried changing what I drank, how many, how often, stop drinking by a certain time or only on certain days - all failed miserably and pretty quickly.
If I did stick to a limit that had been applied I behaved like I had just earned an olympic medal and everyone around me should be grateful for how "good" I had been.
I would then use this spell of perceived control as a bargaining chip to secure my next drinking session.
Total madness when I look back - the sober me would not think in these terms and understand now how messed up they looked from another perspective.
I tried changing what I drank, how many, how often, stop drinking by a certain time or only on certain days - all failed miserably and pretty quickly.
If I did stick to a limit that had been applied I behaved like I had just earned an olympic medal and everyone around me should be grateful for how "good" I had been.
I would then use this spell of perceived control as a bargaining chip to secure my next drinking session.
Total madness when I look back - the sober me would not think in these terms and understand now how messed up they looked from another perspective.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
I hear you Micky.
You will see so much of yourself in other people’s stories and experiences as we all share a lot of these things in common.
I would like to think I am quite a smart guy with a decent level of emotional intelligence.
All of that went out the window when I drank and I would use what little sense I had left to become a master manipulator, a world class self justifier and someone who had an excuse and a reason for everything that aided my drinking.
A very helpful person at a meeting I attended today said to me “ if you keep going to meetings long enough you will eventually hear someone tell your story”
It really is quite amazing
You will see so much of yourself in other people’s stories and experiences as we all share a lot of these things in common.
I would like to think I am quite a smart guy with a decent level of emotional intelligence.
All of that went out the window when I drank and I would use what little sense I had left to become a master manipulator, a world class self justifier and someone who had an excuse and a reason for everything that aided my drinking.
A very helpful person at a meeting I attended today said to me “ if you keep going to meetings long enough you will eventually hear someone tell your story”
It really is quite amazing
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Loss of control and choice were the two factors that diagnosed my alcoholism. When I started I couldn't control the amount, and I had lost the power of choice as to whether I would drink or not.
I like a passage from the big book where it talks about someone who looked doomed, like I was, suddenly finding themselves easily able to control their desire for alcohol, the only effort required being to follow a few simple rules, like I did.
It was really about power. On my own I lacked sufficient power, but I became empowered through following the AA program. Alcohol has zero influence in my life today.
I like a passage from the big book where it talks about someone who looked doomed, like I was, suddenly finding themselves easily able to control their desire for alcohol, the only effort required being to follow a few simple rules, like I did.
It was really about power. On my own I lacked sufficient power, but I became empowered through following the AA program. Alcohol has zero influence in my life today.
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