Becki67

Hi Everyone,

Two of my sisters and I went to a CoDa meeting last night. It's the only one in this area. I didn't know what to expect at all and afterwards my sister, who is a recovered(?) heroin addict said that it was bad. There was no interaction and when someone spoke with questions, there were no responses from the chair or anyone else about them. The chair spoke a lot about himself and why he's a codie, but none of them were pertinent to anyone else.

I guess I'm just not sure what I'm able to talk to about. I did share a little and, of course, started crying. There was just this awkward pause afterwards. What am I allowed to say in these meetings? What should I expect from others in these meetings, if anything?

I'll keep going because the one thing this did was open the doors between my sisters and I and we had awesome conversations afterward.

Thanks!

atalose

Not exactly sure how a CoDa meeting works but I’m sure it’s similar to al-anon. In my al-anon meeting the person welcoming everyone reads how the meeting works and state the definition of cross-talk which is interrupting the person sharing, questioning the person sharing or making comments about what the person shared. We then read the steps and promises of al-anon. Someone who has signed up for the meeting topic will then begin with his or her topic of choice. They share about their own experiences related to that topic and often open it up for others to share. There really is no question and answer period. Questions can always be asked after the meeting with other members.

Not sure if this helps you or not. At first I was expecting al-anon to be different then what it was. Honestly, I was disappointed because all of my questions were not going to be answered. There was no open discussion or how to and I felt like that is what I needed most. And that is where SR came in and all the wonderful people here.

andyh

the meeting format can seem a bit weird at first if you don't know what to expect. often the most useful part of a meeting (for me at least) is talking to people before & afterwards. do make an effort to approach people if you have questions, they will generally only be too happy to help you, or will direct you to someone who can. if you were there with your sisters, people may have been less inclined to approach you than if you'd gone alone.

by the sound of it, your sister is familiar with 12-step meetings & if she said it was bad, maybe it was. I would suggest that you try other meetings, but if that's the only one in your area it's worth persevering for a few more meetings - it may just have been a poor chair the night you went. if, after a few more meetings, it's still not working for you, then it might be worth trying Al-Anon instead.

honeypig

I have no experience w/CoDA, but plenty w/Alanon, and yes, meetings can vary tremendously from one time/location to another. Even the same meeting can be good or less-good from week to week depending on who shows up or doesn't.

In the metro area where I live, there are 60 Alanon meetings per week. There are 5 CoDA meetings. I'd strongly suggest looking into Alanon--they certainly deal with codependence plenty, at least in my experience! I just think you'll find many, many more Alanon meetings and thus have a much better chance of finding one at a time and place that works for you while also being a good "meeting fit" for you too.