What are you thoughts on emptiness?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
What are you thoughts on emptiness?
Hello everyone. I think I may have pinpointed a big root to my drinking.
What is your take on internal emptiness? I see that I get this feeling alot in my life and atm it is very present.
Only thing is ive eliminated alcohol, which was my bandaid for this feeling, Because I just went through the standard process
-
1- emptiness, 2- walk to the store, 3- bottle 4- satisfaction/problems disappear temporarily. Tomorrow another dose etc.
Only difference is I did not go to the shop or drink.
So yes emptiness is why I drank, and Iam also a workaholic btw, just to keep my mind of it.
I even work on the weekends because the weekend and leisure time feel very uncomfortable, and after work I would binge.
What are your thoughts SR community? I've already tried going to social clubs, but it's really not for me. Iam not really a publicly social person. I don't like parties or events, or friend Catch ups, or anything social tbh.
I must be an introverted alcoholic.
Although I have recently started to go into crowds more often, like a bus, or metro. for some reason being in a crowd kind of brings me some relief. That Would explain my past habit of going to bars or clubs on my own, just to watch the crowd and just drink myself stupid.
What is your take and experiences on this feeling?
What is your take on internal emptiness? I see that I get this feeling alot in my life and atm it is very present.
Only thing is ive eliminated alcohol, which was my bandaid for this feeling, Because I just went through the standard process
-
1- emptiness, 2- walk to the store, 3- bottle 4- satisfaction/problems disappear temporarily. Tomorrow another dose etc.
Only difference is I did not go to the shop or drink.
So yes emptiness is why I drank, and Iam also a workaholic btw, just to keep my mind of it.
I even work on the weekends because the weekend and leisure time feel very uncomfortable, and after work I would binge.
What are your thoughts SR community? I've already tried going to social clubs, but it's really not for me. Iam not really a publicly social person. I don't like parties or events, or friend Catch ups, or anything social tbh.
I must be an introverted alcoholic.
Although I have recently started to go into crowds more often, like a bus, or metro. for some reason being in a crowd kind of brings me some relief. That Would explain my past habit of going to bars or clubs on my own, just to watch the crowd and just drink myself stupid.
What is your take and experiences on this feeling?
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
I think the isolated, lonely alcoholic is a pretty common type; I certainly fit that description, so I get what you're saying. I still qualify, even sober, even though I work outside my home, even though I have family nearby; I wonder if it's a habit I've gotten used to.
I was struck by your feeling better in crowds; it's like feeling a part of something, even if you don't know a single person there. I tend to take way too long in grocery stores because I'm enjoying the interaction with other people, which I instigate a lot, and most people seem to respond well.
I find a lot of relief from loneliness in reading here at SR, and posting occasionally. It's ironic, of course, since we never actually see one another! But it helps me feel like a part of something, and I certainly belong here...hell, I've belonged here for 11 years!
I'm glad you posted this; I suspect many of us can relate to an empty existence that we tried to fill with alcohol. For me, I know I need to force myself out of my house more often, but I also know my limits: I won't be joining any clubs, thanks very much! I know volunteer work is highly regarded here, which makes good sense...
Anyway, I feel ya, and hope we can find some things to fill that internal hole where we poured all those bottles of booze! That really doesn't work anymore, that much I know...
I was struck by your feeling better in crowds; it's like feeling a part of something, even if you don't know a single person there. I tend to take way too long in grocery stores because I'm enjoying the interaction with other people, which I instigate a lot, and most people seem to respond well.
I find a lot of relief from loneliness in reading here at SR, and posting occasionally. It's ironic, of course, since we never actually see one another! But it helps me feel like a part of something, and I certainly belong here...hell, I've belonged here for 11 years!
I'm glad you posted this; I suspect many of us can relate to an empty existence that we tried to fill with alcohol. For me, I know I need to force myself out of my house more often, but I also know my limits: I won't be joining any clubs, thanks very much! I know volunteer work is highly regarded here, which makes good sense...
Anyway, I feel ya, and hope we can find some things to fill that internal hole where we poured all those bottles of booze! That really doesn't work anymore, that much I know...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I drank with others often but, I also did a whole lot of drinking at home alone and alone at work.
In sobriety joining a gym or some nice bicycle rides are what I recommend. At the gym one is basically by themself but, may mingle with others occasionally. Riding bicycles gets one out into nature getting some exercise and a great time for meditation.
M-Bob
In sobriety joining a gym or some nice bicycle rides are what I recommend. At the gym one is basically by themself but, may mingle with others occasionally. Riding bicycles gets one out into nature getting some exercise and a great time for meditation.
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I had that emptiness haunt me a lot in life.
It's mostly gone now, almost 4 years sober.
Sometimes the edges of it remain.... But in sobriety i can recognize it and act in healthy ways to care for myself.
It may be lifelong depression.
It may be residual emotion and thought patterns from years of drug and alcohol abuse.
It may be how I'm wired.
It may simply be a natural part of the human condition.
The important part, for me, is how I choose to respond.
Now I can choose to respond with therapy, exercise, a visit with a friend, going to a meeting, journaling, creating, service to others, a walk and communing with nature.... or just sitting with it and accepting the feeling in, to see what it has to show me.
In addiction, the response was automatic.... numb the feeling. Run from it. Blot it out.
Which only led to it getting worse, more powerful.
It's mostly gone now, almost 4 years sober.
Sometimes the edges of it remain.... But in sobriety i can recognize it and act in healthy ways to care for myself.
It may be lifelong depression.
It may be residual emotion and thought patterns from years of drug and alcohol abuse.
It may be how I'm wired.
It may simply be a natural part of the human condition.
The important part, for me, is how I choose to respond.
Now I can choose to respond with therapy, exercise, a visit with a friend, going to a meeting, journaling, creating, service to others, a walk and communing with nature.... or just sitting with it and accepting the feeling in, to see what it has to show me.
In addiction, the response was automatic.... numb the feeling. Run from it. Blot it out.
Which only led to it getting worse, more powerful.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
Glad you posted this Renvate , because this is what I woke up feeling this morning empty. Tbh I don't know what to do with myself today. I should be working(I work from home as an artist) and I have a piece which I should have finished Saturday but I just can't seem to motivate myself lately. I just feel yeuk!
It is comforting to hear from other people in similar thought to myself and helps to feel less alone. Strange I don't want my own company but I don't want other people's either.
I'm 2 months into sobriety but for the last week I don't seem to know what to do with myself, I hope this passes soon. Although thankfully, I don't remotely feel like drinking.
It is comforting to hear from other people in similar thought to myself and helps to feel less alone. Strange I don't want my own company but I don't want other people's either.
I'm 2 months into sobriety but for the last week I don't seem to know what to do with myself, I hope this passes soon. Although thankfully, I don't remotely feel like drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
Thanks guys.
I actually wrote that just before I left for the gym.
So yeah I thought I'd share it because it seemed like a legitimate underlying factor to one's drinking.
Must just be part of the human condition.
I could pick it apart again and again and over anylyze it, or just go on with my day. Iam gonna go with option 2.
I actually wrote that just before I left for the gym.
So yeah I thought I'd share it because it seemed like a legitimate underlying factor to one's drinking.
Must just be part of the human condition.
I could pick it apart again and again and over anylyze it, or just go on with my day. Iam gonna go with option 2.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I think the vast majority of alcoholics have this feeling, which partially explains the high failure rate in early sobriety. It's not that alcohol and other substances doesn't work to eliminate these feelings of hurt, loneliness and emptiness....it works far too well, hence addiction. Unfortunately the consequences of addiction are horrible, and when you stop, you lose the band-aid and are left to deal with the underlying feelings that you've been avoiding for however long you've been using.
I had it from when the pink cloud wore off at about 60 days to when I continued treatment at about 100 days. Barely ate, slept a lot, barely left the house, and I'm a hyper-extrovert. I think the main reason that I avoided drinking was that I didn't want to do rehab again and having been through bouts of depression in my life I knew one way or another that it would pass.
Medication can help, particularly in the short term. It can lift the cloud of anhedonia and depression. I think that long term some support group, either 12 step or secular, is crucial, preferably combined with psychodynamic therapy to get at the roots of our emotional pain and process it. AA can be very useful in early recovery (and beyond, if it works for you) because it gives you a way to meet new sober people.
Is there anything that you enjoyed doing before you started drinking excessively that you've been avoiding since then? Can you start doing it again? Hobby, person, church, yoga, exercise, meditation?
I had it from when the pink cloud wore off at about 60 days to when I continued treatment at about 100 days. Barely ate, slept a lot, barely left the house, and I'm a hyper-extrovert. I think the main reason that I avoided drinking was that I didn't want to do rehab again and having been through bouts of depression in my life I knew one way or another that it would pass.
Medication can help, particularly in the short term. It can lift the cloud of anhedonia and depression. I think that long term some support group, either 12 step or secular, is crucial, preferably combined with psychodynamic therapy to get at the roots of our emotional pain and process it. AA can be very useful in early recovery (and beyond, if it works for you) because it gives you a way to meet new sober people.
Is there anything that you enjoyed doing before you started drinking excessively that you've been avoiding since then? Can you start doing it again? Hobby, person, church, yoga, exercise, meditation?
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Originally Posted by Renvate 
I could pick it apart again and again and over anylyze it, or just go on with my day. Iam gonna go with option 2.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by MindfulMan
I think the vast majority of alcoholics have this feeling, which partially explains the high failure rate in early sobriety. It's not that alcohol and other substances doesn't work to eliminate these feelings of hurt, loneliness and emptiness....it works far too well, hence addiction. Unfortunately the consequences of addiction are horrible, and when you stop, you lose the band-aid and are left to deal with the underlying feelings that you've been avoiding for however long you've been using.
I had it from when the pink cloud wore off at about 60 days to when I continued treatment at about 100 days. Barely ate, slept a lot, barely left the house, and I'm a hyper-extrovert. I think the main reason that I avoided drinking was that I didn't want to do rehab again and having been through bouts of depression in my life I knew one way or another that it would pass.
Medication can help, particularly in the short term. It can lift the cloud of anhedonia and depression. I think that long term some support group, either 12 step or secular, is crucial, preferably combined with psychodynamic therapy to get at the roots of our emotional pain and process it. AA can be very useful in early recovery (and beyond, if it works for you) because it gives you a way to meet new sober people.
Is there anything that you enjoyed doing before you started drinking excessively that you've been avoiding since then? Can you start doing it again? Hobby, person, church, yoga, exercise, meditation?
I had it from when the pink cloud wore off at about 60 days to when I continued treatment at about 100 days. Barely ate, slept a lot, barely left the house, and I'm a hyper-extrovert. I think the main reason that I avoided drinking was that I didn't want to do rehab again and having been through bouts of depression in my life I knew one way or another that it would pass.
Medication can help, particularly in the short term. It can lift the cloud of anhedonia and depression. I think that long term some support group, either 12 step or secular, is crucial, preferably combined with psychodynamic therapy to get at the roots of our emotional pain and process it. AA can be very useful in early recovery (and beyond, if it works for you) because it gives you a way to meet new sober people.
Is there anything that you enjoyed doing before you started drinking excessively that you've been avoiding since then? Can you start doing it again? Hobby, person, church, yoga, exercise, meditation?
In regards to what I did? I sorta have been doing Everything the same past 10 years ive drank. Problem is i drank with those activities. Like I said iam a self employed workaholic, most of my time is spent working.
Iam "armoring myself up" for when work hits full pace again. THATS gonna be the real trigger.
I need to had a good think about what hobbies I can find that dont involve drinking.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by Renvate
I need to had a good think about what hobbies I can find that dont involve drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by nez
I have definitely been guilty of over analyzing. Option 2 works much better for me today. That which I seek is causing me to seek. If I just go about my day, I eventually cross paths with what I am looking for. The danger is that if I am busy over analyzing, I can walk right past it!
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Originally Posted by Renvate
Good point about the low sobriety rates in recovery, would explain why the instinct for the bottle was so pre dominant when the feeling krept up.
In regards to what I did? I sorta have been doing Everything the same past 10 years ive drank. Problem is i drank with those activities. Like I said iam a self employed workaholic, most of my time is spent working.
Iam "armoring myself up" for when work hits full pace again. THATS gonna be the real trigger.
I need to had a good think about what hobbies I can find that dont involve drinking.
In regards to what I did? I sorta have been doing Everything the same past 10 years ive drank. Problem is i drank with those activities. Like I said iam a self employed workaholic, most of my time is spent working.
Iam "armoring myself up" for when work hits full pace again. THATS gonna be the real trigger.
I need to had a good think about what hobbies I can find that dont involve drinking.
Nobody ever put "I wish I'd spent more time at the office" on their tombstone.
Nothing wrong at all with doing well, making money, being well respected in your field. It's also nice to take some time to enjoy the fruits of your labor!
You can try the things you loved without drinking, or find new things you love (I know, I'm being Captain Obvious, but it's true).
It hasn't been that long for you, you'll get there. If you were drinking heavily and working heavily for the past 10 years, no wonder you don't have any hobbies....you didn't have time.
Medication and therapy can help.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Emptiness and ennui is inate to the human condition I'm afraid. I can't say with certainty if we're the only animal to feel it but I think we among all creatures feel it the most. Being conscious is to be aware of our existence and the fragile nature of it; it's normal to wonder at one's own place in the Universe.
The thing is that no amount of booze can fill a hole that big. We all have to grapple with the feelings sometimes. My personal opinion is that you need to make a purpose in your life, especially if you're having trouble finding one. Why is a purpose you choose any less valid than one you discover?
Try to find something that moves you. Maybe it will be a hobby, maybe it will be service to others. The more you dig the more purpose you will find...or create.
The thing is that no amount of booze can fill a hole that big. We all have to grapple with the feelings sometimes. My personal opinion is that you need to make a purpose in your life, especially if you're having trouble finding one. Why is a purpose you choose any less valid than one you discover?
Try to find something that moves you. Maybe it will be a hobby, maybe it will be service to others. The more you dig the more purpose you will find...or create.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 322
Thanks for the responses. Upside, is that i do enjoy my job and watching as you said "fruits of my Labor grow"
Interestingly enough, I watched a documentary video last night about addiction. It was after I brought this topic up. And the psychologist said something on the lines of:
"You are addicted because you fear emptiness. Your are running away from it. You can't stand it."
"If you sit In an empty room, and do nothing, you will start to feel this feeling of emptiness come up, and you will get the instinct to get up and go do your addictive activity"
For me that is
-work
-alcohol (in that order too)
Here is the link of anyones bis interested. He talks about it at 3:00. Iam not sure what credentials she has, I just watched a random video. But it reinstated with me and he has a point.
https://youtu.be/G5ZYV-IMIUU
Interestingly enough, I watched a documentary video last night about addiction. It was after I brought this topic up. And the psychologist said something on the lines of:
"You are addicted because you fear emptiness. Your are running away from it. You can't stand it."
"If you sit In an empty room, and do nothing, you will start to feel this feeling of emptiness come up, and you will get the instinct to get up and go do your addictive activity"
For me that is
-work
-alcohol (in that order too)
Here is the link of anyones bis interested. He talks about it at 3:00. Iam not sure what credentials she has, I just watched a random video. But it reinstated with me and he has a point.
https://youtu.be/G5ZYV-IMIUU
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Great thread wise responses . I seldom feel like this but today I do since its my birthday and the association is present . I don,t want to drink , I wont drink , its just a feeling which will pass when I fill my mind with
hope , love , compassion , joy and gratefulness that I am free of being sick with alcohol .
Off topic slightly I remember stopping smoking and got that empty feeling worse than not drinking .
hope , love , compassion , joy and gratefulness that I am free of being sick with alcohol .
Off topic slightly I remember stopping smoking and got that empty feeling worse than not drinking .
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I have heard it called a God sized hole in the soul. That fits me quite well. Alcohol filled that hole but then it stopped working.
AA showed me how to fill that hole and become complete and connected.
AA showed me how to fill that hole and become complete and connected.
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