LovePeaceSushi

My AH (who has been blissfully out of town this weekend) called last night as I was eating dinner. I told him I'd call back in a min. when I was done eating. 5 minutes later, the phone is ringing and he's asking "what are you doing?" like he didn't even remember calling 5 minutes previously.

I'm proud of myself. I didn't get outwardly mad; I just stuck to my script of "I am not going to talk to you while you're intoxicated". He tried to bait me with those "Do you really want this marriage to work?" questions, but I just reiterated that I would not be discussing anything with him while he was drunk, and if he wanted to call me in a few hours when he was sober, then I'd be open to talking with him. Well, needless to say, he passed out and didn't call me back.

I sure am glad I didn't waste my time talking to him, because this morning he didn't even remember the conversation. I told him that I guessed it was that "ONE GLASS OF WINE", right?, to which he replied (seriously) "I guess it was TWO glasses". Right.

Heading to Al-Anon now. I have so much anger that I have to release and LET THE EFF GO. I feel like if I can do that, married or not, I can feel free. (Divorce is not an option for me right now)

dejavuwife

A friend of mine works in the ER, and she said that everyone who gets dragged there intoxicated "only had two beers."

Good for you for doing your own thing and not wasting your time on him when he wasn't really there anyway.

maia1234

D,
Great news. You didn't waste your breath on lecturing him being drunk last night or gettting your blood pressure up. As you can see, he wouldn't have remembered it anyway.

We do better when we know better. Since divorce is not an option right now I would highly recommend you reading the stickies about boundaries and not engaging with ah. I think that would be very helpful in day to day living with an addict. There is so much info here I hope you pick up some good tricks.

I hope you enjoyed alanon. They were a life saver for me. It only took me 15 years from my first meeting with them to come back full circle. I finally accepted what they had to say and embraced the program. It works when you work it!! Hugs!!

Ladybird579

Am curious why divorce is not an option for you? Am just being nosy and you don't have to answer but I used to say that too and it was a way of me stalling to avoid the truth of my situation and acting on it. I had every excuse going ie the kids are too young, then the kids are too old, I can't afford to live alone, the house is not ready to sell, we have too many animals to divide between us...He is too ill to leave, I am too ill to go, my parents will be angry, he might change.....on and on my excuses went for 20 very long years. Now I would say divorce is ALWAYS an option.

LovePeaceSushi

Ladybird, without going into a lot of detail, I don't think enough work has been done. He just started going back to AA (after a brief stint last year), I just started going to Al-Anon & AA, and we haven't exhausted things like spiritual counseling, therapy, etc. I do take my marriage vows seriously enough to try all those things first.

PS - Al-Anon is AWESOME. For the longest time, no matter how hurt I've been, my tears have been nonexistent. This meeting opened my heart and I felt so at home and validated. I'm hooked.

hopeful4

Good for you to not engage!

DontRemember

sorry...wrong thread..