I'm sorry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 394
I'm sorry
I don't come from a family of addicts/alcoholics. And seeing all you posts makes me sad because I know I'm becoming the norm for that behavior.
I'm a mother of a 1st grade boy. I controlled drinking past when he was born. I have been raped, but genetic depression/anxiety has killed me. I have college degrees, had a great life, had a kid, even through battling demons and it was like WHAM!
I felt something I'm still struggling to get over years later. And alcohol helped me through it. It's changed since then, obviously, as dependency has grown. I don't drink every day, but my tolerance has skyrocketed. And I've hurt my career, marriage, and the kiddo who I never thought would go through this.
I'm concerned with the weight/bloat (will be, GIANT trigger for me and the 30 lb weight gain in 2 years as a female is devastating to my self-esteem. I weight more than I did with my child. How is that not humiliating?
Anyway, moving on. I want my health back. I'd like another kid, even if I'll be almost 40 by then. I turn 37 next month, but getting MY health back is paramount. Is this even possible?
Couple that with hoping I can get over the shame and blasts from the past. I'm seeking therapy, but still need some guidance on the sobriety part. That moderation AV is already ticking...
I'm a mother of a 1st grade boy. I controlled drinking past when he was born. I have been raped, but genetic depression/anxiety has killed me. I have college degrees, had a great life, had a kid, even through battling demons and it was like WHAM!
I felt something I'm still struggling to get over years later. And alcohol helped me through it. It's changed since then, obviously, as dependency has grown. I don't drink every day, but my tolerance has skyrocketed. And I've hurt my career, marriage, and the kiddo who I never thought would go through this.
I'm concerned with the weight/bloat (will be, GIANT trigger for me and the 30 lb weight gain in 2 years as a female is devastating to my self-esteem. I weight more than I did with my child. How is that not humiliating?
Anyway, moving on. I want my health back. I'd like another kid, even if I'll be almost 40 by then. I turn 37 next month, but getting MY health back is paramount. Is this even possible?
Couple that with hoping I can get over the shame and blasts from the past. I'm seeking therapy, but still need some guidance on the sobriety part. That moderation AV is already ticking...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
BC- alcoholism sucks. A girl here )14 months into a very serious recovery program with me) your age has a similar past- but no child, other stuff. I cannot begin to understand how is affects you, but I try- with this girl- we are friends..not just addicted. Alcoholism is separate to the other issues. To me. I go to meetings and have an addiction counsellor for my alcohol addiction. I see my GP and a psychologist- for CBT based stuff (works very well) for my depression, c- PTSD, burns (booze related) etc. Each is separate. I am also aware of my weight gain. Drinking does help...to make everything worse. Try going to an AA meeting- even if just for human connection. See your doc about the weight- or a dietician. Counseling for the other matters...your have smarts...put 'em to use.
Empathy, support and compassion and prayers to you. Keep posting. PJ
Empathy, support and compassion and prayers to you. Keep posting. PJ
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello babescake,
I am sorry to hear about all that you have been through. Sometimes I wonder if it would help to think of being an alcoholic like having some other chronic illness. I am diabetic. It won't ever go away. However, I can learn to do what it takes to keep myself healthy.
It seems to me there are many ways in which you can learn to keep yourself healthy--for you, and for your child. You deserve a peaceful and joy-filled life, but it sounds like it is going to take some work on your part to get there. Have you considered counseling? You are worth whatever effort you need to put in to your own recovery!
I am sorry to hear about all that you have been through. Sometimes I wonder if it would help to think of being an alcoholic like having some other chronic illness. I am diabetic. It won't ever go away. However, I can learn to do what it takes to keep myself healthy.
It seems to me there are many ways in which you can learn to keep yourself healthy--for you, and for your child. You deserve a peaceful and joy-filled life, but it sounds like it is going to take some work on your part to get there. Have you considered counseling? You are worth whatever effort you need to put in to your own recovery!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
B,
Welcome and glad you are posting here. I am sure you know that you have posted on the friends and family forum, so you are mostly going to get the perspective of friends and family.
Us codies can't understand your compulsion to drink as much as we try. I can say we that we all love our addicts and would do anything for them to help them get sober. That is one of Our problems, we do to much.
In my opinion, addicts aren't always truthful with themselves or others. I think you are blessed with a child that deserves an amazing mom, who is present. You can't be present when you "love" something more then your child. Like PJ said I would seek support. I would come out of the closet and admit to your husband, your gp, your family that you have an addictIon. As in aa, that is the first step is to admit you our powerless. I would seek support through meetings, a therapist, lots of reading on the new to recovery or alcohlism forum on SR, or seek a rehab. If you don't respect yourself to get sober for, do it for your child, he is so worth it. Educate yourself about addiction, as you see, it progessively gets worse.
Hugs to you, for owning the fact, that "when we know better, you can do better"!!! Your a good person, for wanting to be a better mom to that little first grader, and he is worth every ounce of pain, to have a sober mom!! Good luck my friend!!
Welcome and glad you are posting here. I am sure you know that you have posted on the friends and family forum, so you are mostly going to get the perspective of friends and family.
Us codies can't understand your compulsion to drink as much as we try. I can say we that we all love our addicts and would do anything for them to help them get sober. That is one of Our problems, we do to much.
In my opinion, addicts aren't always truthful with themselves or others. I think you are blessed with a child that deserves an amazing mom, who is present. You can't be present when you "love" something more then your child. Like PJ said I would seek support. I would come out of the closet and admit to your husband, your gp, your family that you have an addictIon. As in aa, that is the first step is to admit you our powerless. I would seek support through meetings, a therapist, lots of reading on the new to recovery or alcohlism forum on SR, or seek a rehab. If you don't respect yourself to get sober for, do it for your child, he is so worth it. Educate yourself about addiction, as you see, it progessively gets worse.
Hugs to you, for owning the fact, that "when we know better, you can do better"!!! Your a good person, for wanting to be a better mom to that little first grader, and he is worth every ounce of pain, to have a sober mom!! Good luck my friend!!
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