DiscoPotato

First time poster. Little back story. I'm 32... Been abusing alcohol for the majority of the last 10 years. My problem isn't really the cravings. It's that I emotionally drink, and once I start, I have a problem stopping.

And it doesn't help that I have an extremely high tolerance. I also suffer from gout.
This last year has been especially bad emotionally, as I was in a severely toxic relationship with an addict and mental health issues. So, we were great at enabling each other. The relationship was so bad, I started getting terrible anxiety (which I'd never had before) and started seeing a therapist. Once the relationship ended the anxiety pretty much went away. But I was in that endless cycle of drinking. I'd have to drink just to not feel like crap. Well, after a mild gout flare, I decided I had had enough. This was July 4th. The withdrawals were bad for about 4 or 5 days, but they subsided and each day was easier. But the ironic kicker is, I got the worst gout flare I've EVER had. I couldn't put any weight on either foot and was basically bed ridden for thr better part of the month, which subsequently helped prevent me from drinking. Yada Yada Yada.

So, fast forward, August 24th. I leave for vacation. I'd been doing great. No cravings, no struggling. Exercising again. Could be around friends drinking and not have the urge. I knew it was going to be a test on vacation. Unfortunately, a test I failed. I wanted to see if I could keep it under control and limit it to one or two cocktails. I didn't. And been basically drinking every night since I've been back. I've been able to find excuses to. Stressed from Hurricane Irma, family issues, hanging out with friends... Yada Yada Yada.

Welp, today I decided to start the whole process over again. Withdrawals were insane today. Pins and needles in my arms and legs, severe anxiety, nausea, hot flashes, you know the works. I'm hoping this time won't be as bad as when I decided to quit in July. I went a few days without drinking after Irma hit because I was with family that doesn't drink. Relatively no withdrawal symptoms, other than anxiety for the first day and extremely irritable. But, who wouldn't be irritable stuck in a house with no power and family for 4 days. Lol

But, I decided I needed to quit again as I have another trip coming up next week riding motorcycles in the mountains. Motorcycles don't bode well with drinking or anxiety/withdrawals. I just hope I'm giving myself enough time to get through the withdrawals. And I'm REALLLLLLLY scared for a repeat of the last gout flare.

Typing this out has helped ease the anxiety some. Also, telling myself that it gets easier everyday helps. This turned out to be a LOT longer than I anticipated. Lol

Hevyn

Hi DiscoPotato - welcome to a caring community of friends who get what you're going through.

I'd love to go back to 32 and do what you're doing. I continued trying to control what I drank for many more years - with disastrous results. You are taking action and insuring that your future won't be filled with drama, misery, and danger. Being here helped me to not feel alone any more. We're here to encourage you - welcome!

DiscoPotato

Thanks Hevyn. As I lay here after the first day sober, I know how rough tonight is going to probably be. Fortunately, I also know it gets better. Took a unisom so, hopefully I manage to get SOME sleep. Curious to see how I feel tomorrow. My cat senses my anxiety, as he's been extra lovey dovey today. Lol. Crazy how animals can sense that AND how much they actually help.

Ive also found, something that helps me when the anxiety flares up and gets bad, that watching something funny helps. I usually throw on an old episode of South Park or Ridiculousness or something. Something I know that can get a laugh out of me, even just a tiny one is better than nothing. Hope everyone is having a good night and keeping the eyes on the goal.

Caprice6

Good luck riding it out.
When i first came on here i think i was on day 2 or early 3. High anxiety and high alertness, pacing, million thoughts running through my mind. I kinda sense that from your posts.
Unisom doesn't help much but if you can go to a walk in clinic tomorrow and get a prescription, it could help with process as well as speed it up. Not to mention, it would be safest too.
They're not a long term cure though, after that best would be to seek outpatient treatment and support as well.
All the best.

Stronger2017

Good luck with your quit😀 Drinking is is a pretty bad stress reliever all things considered. Quitting might also be good for the gout.

Dee74

Welcome aboard DiscoPotato

I tried to get sober many times - the only time that worked was when I made some real fundamental changes to my life and how I lived it. It was a pretty big decision and quite the undertaking but ten years later I still prefer my new life a million times over the old one...things get better every day

D

Hevyn

How's it going, DiscoPotato?

DiscoPotato

Thanks for asking Hevyn! Today went surprisingly well. I slept like crap with some crazy dreams, as expected. Had a little anxiety throughout the day, but nothing major. I, luckily, had an appt scheduled today with my therapist. So that was PERFECT timing. It definitely helped with reducing the anxiety from the stresses of recent life. But other than that, only other side effect Ive really had today was the sore kindeys from the detoxing. Was able to get some food down and NOT feel nauseous. I'm very thankful this hasn't been a repeat of the time I quit in July (so far, anyway). Since I'm able to eat and give my body energy, I plan on going for a bike ride tomorrow and/or hit the gym. Exercise is usually my replacement for not drinking.

Had to fight with myself from not buying any alcohol at the store earlier. I didn't go to the store specifically for alcohol, but I was trying to convince myself that a glass or two of wine would help ween me off more comfortably, but in reality, I didn't need it. So, was able to fight that urge luckily.

Hevyn

Sleeping was a mess for me in the early days - it'll get better. You sound very positive - you're on your way. I agree that exercise is really helpful as a distraction. I hope the gout will go away.

Boxer1

The same thing happened to me with the gout. I have a high threshold for pain and gout is absolutely brutal, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! You primary physician can give you medication to regulate your levels of Uric acid (it crystallizes basically causing needles to form in joints etc...)

Boxer1

SO funny you say that, I'm watching Ridiculousness as I type this to you. You're right, it's a great distraction😂😂

DreamCatcher17

I felt the need to search for your first post in light of your most recent post about 40 days then I drank but... (or 41 days, I cant totally recall)

This is your journey, do as you please with it. I think we all want to support people and want support as well all while hoping not to hinder or give someone else the same excuse we used to drink, or what have you.

Had I been in this position, before I would consume a drink I would go to my very first post to remind me why I am here.

That may not be your thing and that's ok.

Hopefully, this didn't come across in another manner besides what it was intended for: Compassion.