New Here - This May Be Long, So I'm Sorry
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
New Here - This May Be Long, So I'm Sorry
Hello. I am the child of an alcoholic mother. My mom was room mother, kept an immaculate house, etc. etc. She also started drinking beer every afternoon around 3 pm. Eventually her love for alcohol progressed to her going to bars without my dad, meeting another alcoholic, cheating, divorcing, marrying the barfly, and from there her drinking went haywire.
My mom started buying my vodka and beer when I was around 15. She had that "I'd rather they do it in the house" mentality. I bopped back and forth between her house and my dad's...my dad was sober....but he was so involved with work and recovering from a 25 year marriage that neither place was warm and loving...or healthy.
I've been with my husband for 10 years now. I didn't see signs of alcohol at first; he liked to drink, but he was successful, well dressed, and owned a company, so I figured it was normal and that's how grown-ups handled alcohol in the "right way". WRONG. Now he's at the point where he's drinking in the morning, falling down, driving drunk (no DUIs, thank GOD), etc. I am sad to say that along the way, I drank right with him. I can't tell you how many fights we've had, thanks to Crown Royal or Vodka.
This past weekend I drank too much and lost my damn mind. I said horrible things to my daughter, I pushed her, and I chewed my husband out. I don't remember a thing. Needless to say, I am so DONE. I can't live this way anymore.
I went to an AA meeting and I am going to go to the next Al-Anon meeting. I know my sobriety is MINE to control and my husband's is his. He keeps asking me if I want a divorce, but I would like to think we could try getting SOBER first?? We don't fight when we're not drinking.
My dad is pretty well versed in AA and Alanon b/c of his experience with my mother. My husband's parents are total enablers, though. If my husband gets into trouble, they are right there to pick up his pieces and blame me in the process. It's pretty difficult and very confusing.
The more I reflect on things, the more I feel like AA and Al-Anon are going to be something I participate in. Being in a marriage where the other spouse doesn't want to be sober is pretty tough, though. I have alienated myself from everyone except my dad.
I don't know if there was any point to typing all that out and sharing it, other than I just needed to see it in black and white. Thanks for reading if you did, and if you have any advice, I'd love to hear it.
My mom started buying my vodka and beer when I was around 15. She had that "I'd rather they do it in the house" mentality. I bopped back and forth between her house and my dad's...my dad was sober....but he was so involved with work and recovering from a 25 year marriage that neither place was warm and loving...or healthy.
I've been with my husband for 10 years now. I didn't see signs of alcohol at first; he liked to drink, but he was successful, well dressed, and owned a company, so I figured it was normal and that's how grown-ups handled alcohol in the "right way". WRONG. Now he's at the point where he's drinking in the morning, falling down, driving drunk (no DUIs, thank GOD), etc. I am sad to say that along the way, I drank right with him. I can't tell you how many fights we've had, thanks to Crown Royal or Vodka.
This past weekend I drank too much and lost my damn mind. I said horrible things to my daughter, I pushed her, and I chewed my husband out. I don't remember a thing. Needless to say, I am so DONE. I can't live this way anymore.
I went to an AA meeting and I am going to go to the next Al-Anon meeting. I know my sobriety is MINE to control and my husband's is his. He keeps asking me if I want a divorce, but I would like to think we could try getting SOBER first?? We don't fight when we're not drinking.
My dad is pretty well versed in AA and Alanon b/c of his experience with my mother. My husband's parents are total enablers, though. If my husband gets into trouble, they are right there to pick up his pieces and blame me in the process. It's pretty difficult and very confusing.
The more I reflect on things, the more I feel like AA and Al-Anon are going to be something I participate in. Being in a marriage where the other spouse doesn't want to be sober is pretty tough, though. I have alienated myself from everyone except my dad.
I don't know if there was any point to typing all that out and sharing it, other than I just needed to see it in black and white. Thanks for reading if you did, and if you have any advice, I'd love to hear it.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
I'm really glad that you're seeking help in AA and AlAnon. It sounds like you reached a breaking point, especially if you see yourself treating your daughter badly. Your memories of growing up with an alcoholic parent sound pretty bad, I'm glad that you're committed to breaking the cycle with your own daughter. I think you have the right idea in that your sobriety and recovery is yours alone, regardless of what your husband chooses to do or not do.
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