JamesfrmEngland

I had been sober a while, I have loads of friends who are all alchies/druggies. Anyway, I always am drawn to danger and being mischievous etc. And the idea came in my head I need to do something naughty so I thought buy a 10 pack of cigs it will do no harm after I had not smoked in a while. I smoked them, I went to an NA meeting and my best mate said do you want some of these (gabapentin) I would normally say no I said yes. I saved them for today, when I was going to a party ironically to celebrate our recovery and how well we'd done. I acted in a play in the party and sang. I necked the tablets before the party and was off my head, I thought I'd have a good time and I did. But I wanted more. This inevitably led me into drinking later on and going to buy some wine and fruit cider but tomorrow I hope I can get back on track. I am confident I can. What I have learned is that if I say yes to one addiction e.g. smoking, tablets it inevitably leads lowers my defences and slowly makes me think drinking alcohol is okay.

FreeOwl

Yep. Slippery slope.

Get back on it, learn from this, make a new choice for sobriety and figure out what new actions to take in support of that choice.

january161992

yep

drinking/ drugging/ smoking/ irresponsible spending/ lust/ resentments

all lead to the same dark place

thanks James

Hats

I can relate, doesn't matter if it's alcohol, pills, pot ect. Anything that will take me away from myself to go numb I can become addicted to.
I wasn't aware that gabapentin was a drug that was used recreationally.

saoutchik

It's good that you posted here about it straight away, a one day "blip" (I don't like that word) is better than an extended relapse at least.

Hopefully you will be more alert to the signs in future. Good luck James.

Maudcat

James.
It doesn't matter what it is. Drink, cigs, gaba, weed, benzos.
They are all addictive , and taking them will not end well.
Accept that you cannot drink or substitute some other substance for the drink.
My life became much easier when I finally, irrevocably accepted that I just couldn't drink.

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear that James, glad you came back to talk it through. Perhaps part of getting back on track might involve finding some new friends who aren't druggies/drinkers? I know I had to make massive change to my life to make sobriety work.

tomsteve

hope ya get back and INTO recovery.
i think this could be a great lesson for ya:
a head full of knowledge about alcoholism and addiction- knowing how alcohol and drugs effect a person- doesnt treat alcoholism or addiction. seems it hasnt helped ya with solutions to stay stopped.
maybe time for action,eh?

DangerZone

Look at it as a learning experience and get right back on the road to recovery. This is just a bump in the road man. Keep going at it.

Zanna

Hi James from the NW, Zanna from South Yorks here. I think maybe, you need to re-evaluate the term 'best friend', as I'm not sure he has your best interests at heart I'm sure he's a lovely guy, just not really helping is he?
It's good that you posted - well done! Hope you're feeling a little better today

Dee74

Hi James

Good advice here,

if you really want to be mischievous and dangerous I daresay there other things you can do that are not substance related like skydiving, rock climbing go kart racing or some kind of extreme sports

D

eve123

Hi James I totally relate to what your saying about one addiction leading to another. This has been the case for me. I am three months now but I'm still smoking and I am defo going to have to quit as I get stressed smoke more then the thought of a drink comes in. Bulimia and spending relationships are also addictions to me. Well done for getting back

hpdw

Hi , I hope you learned and move on . Best wishes

Silverback4

Well done on getting here fast.
Anything that triggers the next or even old links or memories of anything addictive can be really sneaky with regards to that little devil on your shoulder.

I smoke currently, only started about 4 years ago (in my late 30's) madness I know!
I only started by having a smoke when I WAS DRINKING! ohhhh the irony.
Booze is kicked and the cigarettes are getting kicked on Monday where I will be 14 days sober.

If I can do it you absolutely can!

Mountainmanbob

You remind me of me.
Yes, I'm an addict drunk.
Learn from your lessons
and move on.
Problem with drunks
slow learners.
Burnt on the hot stove
many, many times
yet, here I'm again!
A nice sober day wished for all,
M-Bob

JamesfrmEngland

Well I didn't let it turn into a binge which is a good thing, but it has reignited that AV in me for sure. The powerful thoughts of drinking are strong, and I'm still smoking. So I'm going to smoke all the last of my cigs tonight then no more. But today I have been super depressed and I'm normally a jolly character but today more depressed than I've been in six months the type where it says you may as well kill yourself and I've not had that in ages, and I thought why's my brain saying to kill myself from nothing when I wasn't thinking about that two seconds ago. Not from guilt or shame or anything, it came from nowhere. Been with my mates and couldn't bear to be around them because of my mood so came home and slept from 2pm to 5pm, still felt terrible so went to AA meeting and shared first. A man Ive admired for a while shared back and though he didn't say so I knew he was sharing back at me e.g. I said I was distracted and couldn't remember anything of what the speaker said and he said he used to be distracted at patterns on the floor, and he said he wish young members could get it and I'm one of the younger members. I really like this man because he is not in your face and going on about god all the time and the big book says this and such and I want to ask him to be my sponsor but I am shy. It was funny there was a new member (2nd meeting) and she asked was there a prayer about step three that someone talked about in a share and none of the old time members said don't know and I said yeah it's in that book there on the table on page 63, I've read that book and have a weirdly good memory for numbers like that. Anyway, tomorrow is a new day hopefully no drink, no cigs, and I have a BBQ where drink is not allowed. Don't want to go and my mood will probably still be bad but what else will I do.

Dee74

If you are feeling really low there is a lot of support available in the UK James.

There are numbers you can call:

CALM, the campaign against living miserably
Helpline – Nationwide
Call 0800 58 58 58

Our national helpline is open 7 days a week, 5pm to midnight. Callers can talk through any issue, we’ll listen and offer information and signposting. Calls are anonymous & confidential and won’t show up on your phone bill. Calls are free from landlines, payphones and O2, Orange, Virgin & Vodafone mobile networks. Other mobile networks and supermarket brand sims may charge.


Papyrus:
Call HOPELineUK 0800 068 41 41

or email: [email protected] *

or text: 07786 209697* *You do not have to give your name or whereabouts.

Samaritans Call 116 123 (free to call)

I hope you do end up going to the non alc BBQ. May do you some good to get out and be around people ?

D