viola71

I don't know why I do it but I just can't seem to help but respond. It is amazing to me that AH preaches on taking responsibility, you are where you are because of the choices you have made........blah blah blah, then writes multiple emails on how victimized he has been by my lack of attention, love, adoration and sex. How I don't take responsibility for my part uuugggghhh. I have done nothing but work for 2 years on myself while he was drunk ignoring his responsibilities. No acknowledgement of the pain he has caused our kids, nothing. Just that he is destined to be alone for quite sometime while he works on making himself healthy. BTW not giving up the drinking. He swings from almost rebellious to self pitying. Amazing! QUACK!!!! Time for no contact even via email- -wow just wow!

maia1234

V,
Not sure why you are expecting anything normal from an A. They are bat shxt crazy!! Keep moving forward, you know the direction you need to go. Hugs!!

Smarie78

Mine does the same. I have the little voice in me that knows better, but always feel I must "show him the light", that I am NOT who he says I am. That the relationship crumbling is in fact due to his drinking and choices not to work on it when I've been the only one working on myself. I'm no perfect girlfriend (very codependent!) but I have tried to work to make it successful. Though he is unable to meet me there.

What I learned is that it is ok to let go. Who they say you are and what you've done is their addiction talking (your response is your codie voice talking back maybe?). Yes, quacking. It isn't real. It is usually a manipulation bait thrown out there to get your attention (and it works!). Take a deep breath and know your truth is all that matters. NC will allow you both (at least you), to heal.

Reminds me of a line in the movie "Couples Retreat" where Vince Vaughn's character is being doubted by his friends and he keeps repeating, quite comically, "I know my truth". It's a funny scene and funny line but I love it. He doesn't care that his friends don't agree on his exaggeration he was bitten by a shark because all he knows is what is real for him. I have said this even to ABF before.

You know your truth.

hopeful4

Yup. No contact means no contact via any means. If they can squeak it in, they will. I have found that most (not all) addicts are professional victims. It's always poor me, and how they are wronged in every situation. For myself, it became disgusting to listen to.

During child exchange I was chatting w/my XAH the other day. He told me about a situation that he was mad about, how he told them what he thought and stormed out. Seemed really proud of himself. I was just thinking how not a single thing had changed, and boy was I relieved not to have to be the one to listen to that any longer!

His new wifey gets that job, and believe me, I could not be happier about it LOL!!!

MsPINKAcres

hate you are going thru this - a wonderful statement I learned was

"just because someone says it, doesn't make it true"

His words don't have to be true to you - you know the truth - so try to focus on that.

wishing you the best