bluedog97

I just got out of a session with my therapist. We're really digging into some deep seated issues, many of which trigger me to want to drink. Topics include mostly family issues, things from the past, and where to go from here. I feel we're making progress. I'm finally opening up being honest, for the most part.

The problem is scheduling. I'd like to go every two weeks as I enjoy getting a lot of this baggage off my chest. She always suggests once a month. We usually settle on every 3 weeks. I can't help but interpret her attempts to push me further and further out as trying to get rid of me. Maybe I'm reading into it too much, but it seems she doesn't enjoy our sessions much or like me very much.

Anyone ever experienced this? I'm thinking of finding someone new. I'm likely moving in the next few months so it's probably a moot point. But I'd like to feel like my therapist wanted to help me rather than it being a chore. Thanks

Chilledice

It's very important to have a good relationship with your therapist, however it wouldn't hurt to be honest and tell her you need more sessions.

I very much HIGHLY doubt that she doesn't like you, that's more than likely junk in your head!

FreeOwl

I think that generally it's not your therapist's job to like you. It's your therapist's job to assist you. Often, (particularly when hitting on the really difficult stuff) it feels like an uncomfortable relationship. I think that can actually be a sign that you're making progress. If you are feeling uncomfortable or concerned - tell your therapist. Share your feeling honestly. A good therapist will receive your concern and be able to respond in a way that will help clear the air. Drawing conclusions and assumptions with a therapist about their feelings, intentions or motives, isn't fair and isn't bringing your full truth to the relationship.

Anna

I have no experience but I think if you feel it's not a good fit and you're not comfortable with the relationship, it might be time to move on. As you said, the topics themselves are uncomfortable, which is understandable, but you should still feel comfortable with the relationship.

Caprice6

If you've already suggested or requested every 2 weeks and she insists on once a month, and you settle for every 3 weeks, I would seriously consider changing therapists.
It may have nothing to do with you but her agenda.

SoberN

Ever thought it could be a misunderstood interpretation? She wants to schedule fewer sessions does not automatically mean she does not like you. This interpretation is only in your head.

How long have you been doing therapy?

My sessions were weekly. In the beginning I had a lot to take out of my chest. I did it for almost a year, and I can tell you: Your subject will start to end. There will be times when you will feel like there is nothing new to talk about that week.

So I started to fault some sessions. because I knew I had nothing to talk about and would be an awkward silence.

Maybe your therapist is just trying to avoid this kind of situation, allowing you enough time to accumulate subject.

Groucho

My experience has always been that therapists want to see me more often than less often. Why is she saying less would be better for you?

Keep in mind that she's not (or shouldn't be) approaching your sessions as just conversation. Presumably she's got a therapeutic goal and a plan to get there. Liking or not liking you shouldn't factor in. Once you unpack it a little bit with her, you may find there's a rational reason for her approach. On the other hand, as others have said, you may find that she's just not a great fit. Nothing wrong from moving on if that's the case.

MindfulMan

There are certainly bad therapists out there.

Your discomfort and feeling that she doesn't like you could also be part of your processing deep issues and trauma in your past, including inappropriate parenting or relationships with siblings. It can be very illuminating to bring up why you feel that way about her, and talk about it. You also might be projecting onto her because you are, consciously or unconsciously, anxious about moving and that your relationship will end then, especially since these feelings are coming up now, despite what sounds like a good relationship in the past.

DarklingSong

Absolutely agree with this.......
I am fairly new to sobriety but am very experienced with therapy! Talk to her...it could really help you understand yourself better.
Yes there are bad therapists.....but its important to try and work out any impasses before you cut and run. Her response to your honesty will go a long way in helping you decide if its the right therapy for you.

bluedog97

Thanks for the responses. Very helpful.

I agree part of it is insecurity about my issues. Like that feeling you think someone else is thinking "Geez, you're ****** up!" Part of it is that maybe I'm seeking too much validation. Maybe she's challenging me. I suppose she's not divulging her method of treatment and there's more to it than I'm aware of. That would be ok.

I guess I'll bring it up. That will be uncomfortable. But stuff we talk about is uncomfortable so that's probably part of it too. Maybe she wants me to have more time to process it.

I probably want her to tell me what a great guy I am. That's probably not what therapists do. Would be nice though.

Thanks for shedding more light on this.

tomsteve

have you asked your therapist why she suggests once a month?

Pathwaytofree

Are you using the therapy appointments to just talk and get stuff off of your chest, or are you allowing it to be an interactive experience? I know I used to think one or two therapists didn't like me, and I think it was because I was using them more as a sounding board unintentionally, instead of actually working on things. I didn't really understand what therapy was supposed to be like or not be like. Once I started to ask how therapy sessions should go to best help me actually work through things to change and grow, I got more out of them.

That being said, I also agree with Tomsteve. Maybe she has a valid treatment reason for only seeing you once a month and I would just ask why.

bluedog97

I haven't asked her but next time I will. It's awkward, which I don't really like. The question is, is the awkwardness b/c it's a bad fit or is it part of the treatment. I guess only she knows that.

Depending on her explanation, I'll determine whether to keep seeing her. If I move it won't matter anyway.

It is interactive, although I do most of those he talking. Probably would be a good idea to ask if I should listen more and let her dictate instead of me.

Forward12

I've been to numerous therapists over the years with many doing weekly appointments, some bi-weekly, and my current one monthly. It's mainly due to they have a very busy office and that's all they can get me in.
You can speak to them about it as to why they want the more spread out appointments. You can also always find a different therapist to meet with on the other weeks and there of course is always AA.