Pajanickah

Hi, I post here sporadically. I've been doing much better (in a sense) with my sobriety. Which is a blessing. Last year I couldn't go more than 5 days without drinking, and five days was a miracle when it happened. I'm now hitting between 2 and three weeks when I'm not drinking.

I lost my best friend to alcoholism on, June 12th of this year - which was a devastating blow to me leading to me not drinking 26 days straight. I was so terrified to drink and knew I would lose control if I began drinking over her death. I am very proud of myself for not drinking through that period. From then on, like I stated before, I would have minor slip ups where I would drink once every two or three weeks. I still managed to go to work and push through them. That is until last Monday. I went on this completely huge bienge for four straight days. I drank a total of 14 bottles of wine and four tall boy beers. I work two jobs. One is a part time job in a cancer treatment hospital, the other is a fine dining restaurant at night. I work around 60 hours per week. I took on two jobs to keep me busy and away from alcohol. This is a tool that kept me sober for three plus years in the past.

Anyway I called into my part time job the entire week claiming to have strep throat. They insist that you cannot work if you are even minorly ill so l tried to capatilize on that to continue drinking. I think we all know the deal.

Friday I came to my senses and started sobering up cold turkey. I started going through major withdrawals almost immediately. Some of the worst withdrawals I have ever gone through. That have some what subsided as I am almost 72 hours sober, but the anxiety is still very prevalent. I haven't felt this way in months and I had forgotten how terrible and scary this feeling is.

I recently came off of Benzos after a two year taper (which was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life) and this was my first binge after being off of them. So this is the first time in years I've gone through a withdrawal without the accessibility to a Benzo to mask the symtoms. It's absolutely terrible as well as terrifying. In have learned my lesson and am really going to try to live life without alcohol permanently. I'm scared that I triggerd some sort of post withdrawal symptom from the Benzos and that it will not go away for a long time. It's terrifying.

I'm posting because I'm afraid I may have lost my part time job. I know that sounds pathetic. I have sent numerous texts while anxious to my bosses and they will not respond to me about when to come in. It's really fueling my anxiety because I'm supposed to be to work tomorrow and they won't text me my schedule. I don't really respect my bosses and honesty don't think they are good people. In the six months I've worked there, I've seen them fire a disabled person, because "he wasn't up to speed" and a mother who was living in a shelter because "there was too much going on in her life". Really?

I know this is my fault. I am completely aware of that. This is what alcohol does to people. This is why I absolutely hate alcohol. It takes over me, just like everyone else. I'm fully prepared to take ownership over my screw up.

What I'm asking is, if I don't hear back from them today, should I go to work tomorrow, or should I perminatley leave this job for lack of respect for my bosses?

I know this is a weird post but in a way just writing it out has made me feel a whole lot better. Any advice would be great.

Thanks!

Anna

I would go in, unless you really are sure you don't want the job. Lots of employers are disrespectful. If you go in, you may find they haven't scheduled you, so you would have to take that chance. Are you ready to cut ties with the job right now?

And, yes, alcohol does nothing but cause problems for us alcoholics. I'm glad you are ready to do this and to live a sober life.

Renvate

From a job perspective. I think you should still go in to reinforce your work ethic, like nothing happened.

But personaly, I think you don't like it there anyway. How much does it hold you down?

Pajanickah

I don't make much money at this part time job, and I really don't like working there. I've called in twice before, but it was for legit reasons. I only work there to pass the time and keep my mind busy. I wish they were better people because it's such an easy job. I literally make less than 300 dollars in two weeks and I make that in two days serving tables, so the pay is peanuts. I'm just really confused as to why they won't get back to me. I left my last text open to them to really force them to answer me. I wrote: "Please let me know if you want me to work the full time hours or the usual part time hours so I know what time to wake up tomorrow." No response. I have to work tonight at my full time job and have made the decision that if they don't respond to me this evening, then I will find that disrespectful. Actually, they just texted me back and said they hope I was feeling better and they will see me tomorrow. So I guess problem solved. I will let everyone know how it goes.

Renvate

They could of been testing you for commitment, since you asked.

But, if two jobs is your strategy, then I would keep working and look for another job in the process. Otherwise you will just quit.

Dee74

I don't know what to advise about your job...I'll leave that to others who know better.

I think you could do with posting here more often tho - sounds like things are getting pretty unmanageable?

alcoholism is progressive - you might need more now than just keeping busy and away from alcohol?

D

PhoenixJ

Go in

tomsteve

but being dishonest and callin in sick for an entire week so you can drink is respectful?

" So I guess problem solved. "
no, it isnt.
my advise
, nothing changes if nothing changes.
readin through some past threads of yours, it reads like you havent tried to do anything other than put down the bottle.

do you WANT to stop drinking FOR GOOD?

"

Frank14

The fact that they took your word for it and are not having you produce a doctor's note to prove you had strep throat shows a lot of respect for you.