Kgrr

I have been married for 9 and 1/2 years My husband got a DUI almost 5 years ago (his second in his 43 yrs.), almost lost his job. He went to recovery counseling - provided by his employment, and I thought he would never again take chances and drink. He promised me it would never happen again. Well, he has been drinking again for the past two years. Always 2 qt. bottles of beer each night. Have found Wild Turkey and diet coke bottles that smell of Wild Turkey. He also drove home very intoxicated one night and drove home from a Football game another day - and he had been drinking. We have a 8 yr. old and a 5 year old. He says because he drinks after we all go to bed at night - it doesn' effect our family. Is this true? Or do I have cause for concern? He never hears the alarm - he sleeps upstairs in his office. I have been reading lots of books on the subject - I have detached myself from him and his disease, and I am concentrating on getting me and my children happy and healthy again. I am considering Divorce. I sure could use advice!!!!!

Thanks!
Trying to Do the Right Thing

splendra

Kgrr-

I sounds like you are doing the right thing. Just because he in denial does not mean you have to be. Welcome to Sober Recovery!!! Pull up a chaitr and get comfy. Read the sticky post and anything else that might catch your eye. There are lots of people here who understand excatly how you feel... big s for you....

gelfling

Hi K,

A drunk is a drunk...day or night. And yes, it does affect the whole family. He can't hide it forever. And I would bet your children know what's going on too. Good for you that you've been practicing detachment. It's a wonderful tool.

Kathy

Peaches04

Hi Kgrr - your feelings are completely valid. Unfortunately, only you can answer your questions...but, here are some the things I thought about with my AH. For example, do I want to be married to someone who doesn't come to bed with me at night and spend that alone time together talking or 'other things'...or did I want to be married to someone who can't wait for me to go to bed, so he can let the party get started! And I am always concerned about my kids and the open hostility or tension in the air, becuase unless you can really detach, it's there - AND even if it's not - it's still not necessarily a "healthy" relationship when one person is constantly having to 'detach' to keep sanity in the home. But, it can be done, and can be done quite successfully it sounds like from some of the posts I read. I just don't want you to feel like you are over-reacting, or that it's OK because he does it on his own time...or whatever his rationale is - it's crap - and you know, and he probably does too. Anyway, hang in there sweetie....listen to these compassionate, wise people here - they know much more than me! I'm grouchy today anyway!!!

DrFrier

Hi Kgrr,

As others will probably suggest to you, the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to start attending Al-Anon meetings. They are listed in the yellow pages. You will find people there going through what you are going through, and they have found solutions to the problems you are experiencing.

Good Luck,

Jim

delabarreda74

the best thing a friend told me was, "Teresa you are in love with Dr. Jeckle" because most of the time he was tender, shy and compassionate, but I swear when 11pm hit, he was itching and out the door, he never showed his drinking/drugs in front of me, he knew how it troubled me...and yes, his argument was, "your sleeping anyway, and when i'm away im loving you.." well everyone knows, that the family members, wife/friends, wait up..and dont sleep....we worry, and wait, and feel angry and abandoned...

I just recently left my husband, we are newly weds....I left him on my 30th bday.....

I wish you well, and understand....I confronted him, and still stand strong, I guess, someday,...my courage will paint my heart where the lonliness and doubt resides.....

love and hugs to you....