LisaG

My husband has FINALLY admitted that he was an alcoholic and suddenly it is as if the world is supposed to stop and give him a huge pat on the back and everything that he did while he was a drunk should be forgiven and I am supposed to give him a "2nd chance". I have been called every name in the book over the years and been accused of affairs with everyone from his brother to a male friend of mine that I went to grade school with 20 years ago. I have had things thrown at me and things in the house broken. He says that if he hits me with something, it is not really him hitting me but the remote, pillow, book, whatever. I should have walked out the door a year ago or before but stayed and cried and gave him 2nd, 3rd, 4th....chances but he seems to think that his 2nd chance begins from the point of his admitting that he is an alcoholic. I can't trust him and have to say also that I have a 9 year old son from a previous marriage who witnesses alot of this abuse. His biological father too was an alcoholic (yes, I know how to pick them!) and I have told him over the years that you need to treat women right. My son has some fear of my husband and I feel that it would hypicrital to tolerate this just because he has a problem. I am done and feel dead emotionally to him. He just doesn't get it and still thinks that we can make it work and that he DESERVES a 2nd chance. I don't think that I owe him anything as he knew the crap that I went through and still chose his path. I think that he needs to recover for him and his well being but I really don't want any part of it. Am I just being a cold hearted b****? I must also say that he is making me go completely against my grain because I am usually the person who would bend over backwards for my friends and family and give them the shirt off my back but I have to take care of my son and myself and really have just had enough of the lies and manipulation and lying for him and covering up his behavior.

He directed me to this website and told me to read it...I have done that and I have read some posts that he has made including some about me spending time at my male friend's house this past weekend. What he doesn't get is that he has run off most of my other friends and this friend and I have known each other since we little and have recently been reunited through a class reunion. There is absolutely nothing going on except that it feels good to be somewhere other than in this house where all he wants to do is TALK to me when I don't even want to be around him. It also feels good to talk to someone who actually listens to me and HEARS what I am saying. When am I allowed to say that I have had enough????

splendra

((((((LisaG))))))

Welcome to Sober Recovery...... There are several people who are in a simular place as you right now that come here and post. I think you could bennifit from going to some alanon meetings they help you learn how to cope and change your own behaviors and to take care of yourself.... Keep posting and reading I am sure that others will be along soon to welcome you.

Disappointed

LisaG,
You have to follow what your heart is telling you. I divorced my AH 3 yrs. ago after 21 yrs. of living with an alcoholic but remarried him a year later. I gave him the ultimate second chance but we are back to what it was like 3 yrs. ago.. I choose to live one day at a time.. I have goods days & bad days. You have to decide what you want out of life, no one can make that decision for you.. BE STRONG & DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR SON!!!!

LisaG

Thanks for that Disappointed. That is so what I am afraid of...going back to hell and I am sorry that I DON'T believe him. It all sounds good coming out of his mouth but I have heard it before! I have closed my mind to going back down the road and I do wish him the best because I truely believe that he deserves that as everyone does, but I think that I have given everything to him that I have to give....there is nothing left and I can't apologize enough for that. I want him to be happy and healthy for him but he needs to worry about him now and not me...I will be fine and I know that. Thanks again for telling your side.

gelfling

Welcome Lisa,

#1 Change your nick. If Lisa G is your real name, there's a good possibility that he can find your posts here if he directed you here. This is a sanctuary for you and the rest of us. Just for us/we who are suffering the effects of the alcoholism in someone else's life. You don't want him seeing what you're writing.

Oh give me a break. The remote hit you or the book hit you and not him. This kind of talk is coming from a sick mind . Remember that this is considered physical abuse.

You gotta wonder how many times we have to "give them another chance." It's totally up to you, but it sounds as if you've made up your mind. Follow your gut. You sound scared that if you did give him another chance, it would be hell all over again.

Please get to meetings and please, please, please get your son to alanon meetings for children. He is being horribly affected by everything that is going on. Do it...I didn't. My 24 year old son is an alcoholic. Talking to him is well and good, but alanon will help him understand the disease and he'll also be able to unload all the crap that's built up inside of him.

Love and prayers are coming your way,

Kathy

CatsTail

You say you've had enough when YOU have had enough. Take into consideration your son in this and what it is doing to him.

Sounds to me like you have had enough.


Ngaire