Meraviglioso

Well, last evening I couldn't sleep due to the jet lag and checked my email late at night. I had received an email from the publisher to which I had submitted an entry for a writing contest with the theme of "dependence" I am not sure what I expected, I don't think of myself as the best writer, but I do enjoy writing and really put a lot of hard work into writing a submission in Italian. My entry was not chosen as one of the winners (the top three) but it was among the entries chosen to be published in the book they are putting out.

I have to say I felt really low when I saw this, sad, kind of annoyed. I don't know. It is all so irrational. I have never written anything for public consumption before (well I guess writing here is sort of that... but you know what I mean) I have never entered a contest or anything like that. I didn't expect to win, it wasn't that really, I guess it just felt like my suffering wasn't enough. The way I conveyed what I have been through and what I have accomplished wasn't enough, wasn't recognised or didn't stir any emotions in anyone. It is all very irrational these feelings, I recognise that, but they are what they are.

I feel better this morning upon waking. I won't let this affect me much, but would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed when I first read the mail. In any case, I will still go to the ceremony to show my support for the others who participated. i'll be interested to see what others chose to write about. As they described on the entry form, dependence can take many forms- of course those negative circumstances such as a dependence on alcohol or drugs, and unhealthy relationship, etc, or can be positive such as a baby depending on the milk of a mother, things like that.

So, somewhat disappointed and hurt feelings, embarrassment even, but still feeling good that I put myself out there and tried.

Dee74

I think being selected for inclusion in a book is a great outcome Mera.

There are millions of writers in the world and many of them - the majority - will go unpublished.

This was your first sortie into writing for public consumption?

Be proud of what you've achieved - and don't let negative self talk make this into a disappointment.

D

Stronger2017

i think you did awesome 👏 but I do understand why you'd feel a little disappointed. Definitely keep it up as you obviously have some talent!

Culture

It is a very big achievement, nevertheless . You should feel proud of yourself.
I'm an artist and just lately I really seem to need people to make more of a noise about my work. Them telling me it's good doesn't seem to hit the same spot it used to. I put it down to the fact that when I was drunk my emotions were dulled and now that I'm sober, more vulnerability is coming out.
I care more now and I don't know why I do, but I do.
Probably haven't articulated this well, but that's how I feel.
Lately, I just seem to need more validity from people.

DarklingSong

Mera, you are going to be published! Thats absolutely brilliant. I do get the disappointment, of course. It sounds like your story is really personal so to put your self 'out there' takes extraordinary courage. More than I have for sure.

badlands

I make films and have never made one sober, so I am looking forward to this deepened vulnerability and sensitivity.

Like filmmaking, writing is incredibly competitive, so it seems like you've done quite awesome in your first try! But I know that being 'runner up' still doesn't feel the same, and I've had my fair share of irrational reactions regarding my work as well.

Keep on submitting!

(Also, I recognize your avatar Meraviglioso- Great Beauty is a fav of mine!)

Meraviglioso

Thank you for all your thoughtful and sensitive responses. I am proud and happy. I do realise it is silly for me to have hoped for a better outcome when I really am not a professional writer or even that great of one. Plus, the submission was in Italian, my second language, that was big for me. Like I said, i am going to go to the ceremony and will buy the book, it will be exciting to see my entry in a book!

Also, good eye badlands, The Great Beauty is such a fantastic film. Not for everyone though. I do love the quote associated with the picture on my avatar "The most important thing `i have discovered is that I can no longer waste my time doing things I do not want to do"

If you like The Great Beauty, and thus, I suspect, Paolo Sorrentino as a director, I HIGHLY recommend the short series The Young Pope. It is probably THE most beautiful thing I have seen on tv/film. It takes a bit to "get it" but the humor and humanity are incredible. The cinematography is absolutely stunning as is the soundtrack. It is just a perfectly put together work of art.