Starting day 3 of recovery & facing all the hurt & chaos I caused
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Starting day 3 of recovery & facing all the hurt & chaos I caused
Yesterday (day 2) was filled of face to face, online, telphone aa meetings, prayer and evaluation for admission to IOP. It felt good most of the day that I was taking serious steps to put the bottle down and put some work into this recovery thing. However, around 10 my my starting drifting and steaming over a resentment which btw was caused by my drinking. Basically fussing and being ignorant why under the influence over the phone during a telephone conference meting with a boys mentoring group that my 17 yo son belongs to parents meeting. I was resentful because no one was responded to my texts or calls after I sobered up a few days later. I had a hard time last night with that last night, but it got eaiser to stop festering over it when I really thought about how it got to know one calling me back: My drinking was the real thing I needed to be resentful about not the people in that meeting. I wake up this morning as my son is leaving to go to school and I ask for the 10th time or more over the last few moths why his girlfriend doesnt come over anymore but she is picking him up for school and dropping him off. He says with sort of a hint of aggrivation in his voice that " because I dont ask her to" and leaves out the door to get in her car. Now mind you since he started dating her a little over a year ago I would get drunk and argue with him about her for everything and although I didnt do it in front of her he said she has heard me over the phone calling her names and she thinks I dont like her. He said that months ago. So it appears they have both found away to go around me and have some peace. They are both 17. He doesnt go over her house anymore either. But hey go out together. Well anyway the bottom line is I ended last night with resentment and then started today( day 3 ) with remorse about what my inability or just not wanting to give up the drink has done to others, especially my son. My drunken nasty rants at others I'm finding very hard to face. I honestly wonder how am I going to stay sober with the guilt and shame of bullcrap that nobody else caused but me and my drinking. I'm very sad and scared.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Oh how I remember day 3.
I was so sick and tired of the one in the mirror -- Bob.
Bob could stand for
Baffled
On
Booze
Hang tight -- life gets better and easier the longer we stay away from the liquid devil.
MB
I was so sick and tired of the one in the mirror -- Bob.
Bob could stand for
Baffled
On
Booze
Hang tight -- life gets better and easier the longer we stay away from the liquid devil.
MB
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
Realizing your mistakes is the first step to correcting them or not repeating them. Your actions going forward will speak volumes to those around you. Seize this opportunity to turn things around and become sober. It is so much better than staying on the road you are on now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by mistory5 
Well anyway the bottom line is I ended last night with resentment and then started today( day 3 ) with remorse about what my inability or just not wanting to give up the drink has done to others, especially my son. My drunken nasty rants at others I'm finding very hard to face. I honestly wonder how am I going to stay sober with the guilt and shame of bullcrap that nobody else caused but me and my drinking. I'm very sad and scared.
youre not a bad person, just a sick person.
bad people dont feel guilt and remorse. sick people do.
there IS a solution! not one that involves a drink.
heres some words from the big book of AA that hit me like a ton of bricks when i first read them:
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
the day after my last drunk was the very first time in my life i looked at my entire existence without trying to stuff it. terror, bewilderment, guilt,remorse, and shame filled me.
there was one thing that i FINALLY admitted to myself- alcohol wasnt going to help- i admitted alcohol( and myself) was the common denominator in all my problems.
so i found me a new master. one with all power that could help restore me to sanity.
i started going to meetings, reading the big book, praying like crazy, working the steps, repeat
slowly but surely, the promises of the program- ALL of the promises- started happening.
they will for you,too, if ya work for them.
it works if ya work it so work it youre worth it!
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Yep - I was devastated for a while about the things I had done while drinking. I felt a lot of shame, remorse, and guilt. I cried a lot in the first few weeks. But I knew the only way forward was to stay sober and begin to heal the damage. I knew it would take time and patience before the people around me would begin to slowly forgive me. I could not even fathom a time when I'd begin to forgive myself.
But it's happening. Lots of hard work on my part, time, and patience has paid off. The memories are fading. People are forgiving me. I'm forgiving myself. Don't give up. Do the next right thing, day after day. Work the steps. Make amends. Let go - let the miracles happen.
But it's happening. Lots of hard work on my part, time, and patience has paid off. The memories are fading. People are forgiving me. I'm forgiving myself. Don't give up. Do the next right thing, day after day. Work the steps. Make amends. Let go - let the miracles happen.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
I think this is truly the hardest part of recovery. Like you, I looked at all the messes I'd made while drinking, and the first weeks were so full of guilt and shame. Know that the guilt and shame can help to propel you in early recovery, but they can also lead you back to drinking. It's important to begin to forgive yourself so that you can focus on your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 285
Those things are so difficult for you know, but remembering them can be a blessing to you. When you get past this most difficult phase, there will likely be a time when you start telling yourself that you can drink just a little or in social situations, or you deserve a drink because of blah, blah, blah. When that happens, please remember this feeling. That will remind you why you don't want to drink.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
What Apple said is true -
Maybe write down how you are feeling now, so that when the feelings fade a bit and you think maybe it's ok to drink again, you can look back and remember how bad you feel right now. Whenever I felt like maybe I could "handle" a drink or two, I'd remember the messes I made, how awful I felt about those messes, and the thought of drinking was immediately replaced by "I never want to feel that way again."
Maybe write down how you are feeling now, so that when the feelings fade a bit and you think maybe it's ok to drink again, you can look back and remember how bad you feel right now. Whenever I felt like maybe I could "handle" a drink or two, I'd remember the messes I made, how awful I felt about those messes, and the thought of drinking was immediately replaced by "I never want to feel that way again."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
The wounds are fresh, so they hurt the most. The advice given already is fantastic. I can only say that if you can remain sober, time will heal these wounds. You're in for a long haul, but it will be completely worth it. You can right the wrongs. Stay strong, stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 142
All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep moving forward. Stay away from the alcohol and let the real you come out. Do it for yourself but as you change, people will notice and I think your relationships will eventually mend.
Day 3 was always one of the hardest day for me... withdrawals start to ease up but the guilt of every thing I had done start to set in. It gets easier though!
Day 3 was always one of the hardest day for me... withdrawals start to ease up but the guilt of every thing I had done start to set in. It gets easier though!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by HTown
Realizing your mistakes is the first step to correcting them or not repeating them. Your actions going forward will speak volumes to those around you. Seize this opportunity to turn things around and become sober. It is so much better than staying on the road you are on now.
Ty
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Kateangel
All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep moving forward. Stay away from the alcohol and let the real you come out. Do it for yourself but as you change, people will notice and I think your relationships will eventually mend.
Day 3 was always one of the hardest day for me... withdrawals start to ease up but the guilt of every thing I had done start to set in. It gets easier though!
Day 3 was always one of the hardest day for me... withdrawals start to ease up but the guilt of every thing I had done start to set in. It gets easier though!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by HTown
Realizing your mistakes is the first step to correcting them or not repeating them. Your actions going forward will speak volumes to those around you. Seize this opportunity to turn things around and become sober. It is so much better than staying on the road you are on now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by tomsteve
mistory, im rather glad to read youre experiencing guilt and shame about the drunken antics because that tells me something.
youre not a bad person, just a sick person.
bad people dont feel guilt and remorse. sick people do.
there IS a solution! not one that involves a drink.
heres some words from the big book of AA that hit me like a ton of bricks when i first read them:
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
the day after my last drunk was the very first time in my life i looked at my entire existence without trying to stuff it. terror, bewilderment, guilt,remorse, and shame filled me.
there was one thing that i FINALLY admitted to myself- alcohol wasnt going to help- i admitted alcohol( and myself) was the common denominator in all my problems.
so i found me a new master. one with all power that could help restore me to sanity.
i started going to meetings, reading the big book, praying like crazy, working the steps, repeat
slowly but surely, the promises of the program- ALL of the promises- started happening.
they will for you,too, if ya work for them.
it works if ya work it so work it youre worth it!
youre not a bad person, just a sick person.
bad people dont feel guilt and remorse. sick people do.
there IS a solution! not one that involves a drink.
heres some words from the big book of AA that hit me like a ton of bricks when i first read them:
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
the day after my last drunk was the very first time in my life i looked at my entire existence without trying to stuff it. terror, bewilderment, guilt,remorse, and shame filled me.
there was one thing that i FINALLY admitted to myself- alcohol wasnt going to help- i admitted alcohol( and myself) was the common denominator in all my problems.
so i found me a new master. one with all power that could help restore me to sanity.
i started going to meetings, reading the big book, praying like crazy, working the steps, repeat
slowly but surely, the promises of the program- ALL of the promises- started happening.
they will for you,too, if ya work for them.
it works if ya work it so work it youre worth it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by MLD51
Yep - I was devastated for a while about the things I had done while drinking. I felt a lot of shame, remorse, and guilt. I cried a lot in the first few weeks. But I knew the only way forward was to stay sober and begin to heal the damage. I knew it would take time and patience before the people around me would begin to slowly forgive me. I could not even fathom a time when I'd begin to forgive myself.
But it's happening. Lots of hard work on my part, time, and patience has paid off. The memories are fading. People are forgiving me. I'm forgiving myself. Don't give up. Do the next right thing, day after day. Work the steps. Make amends. Let go - let the miracles happen.
But it's happening. Lots of hard work on my part, time, and patience has paid off. The memories are fading. People are forgiving me. I'm forgiving myself. Don't give up. Do the next right thing, day after day. Work the steps. Make amends. Let go - let the miracles happen.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Kateangel
All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep moving forward. Stay away from the alcohol and let the real you come out. Do it for yourself but as you change, people will notice and I think your relationships will eventually mend.
Day 3 was always one of the hardest day for me... withdrawals start to ease up but the guilt of every thing I had done start to set in. It gets easier though!
Day 3 was always one of the hardest day for me... withdrawals start to ease up but the guilt of every thing I had done start to set in. It gets easier though!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Kateangel
All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep moving forward. Stay away from the alcohol and let the real you come out. Do it for yourself but as you change, people will notice and I think your relationships will eventually mend.
Day 3 was always one of the hardest day for me... withdrawals start to ease up but the guilt of every thing I had done start to set in. It gets easier though!
Day 3 was always one of the hardest day for me... withdrawals start to ease up but the guilt of every thing I had done start to set in. It gets easier though!
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