eyes99

Third try. I feel like dog poop. I've tried everything - therapy, medication, moderation. I've read every book. I keep ping ponging. Several days sober then bam! Why? Why? Why? I'm done. I have to be. I'm at an AA meeting waiting for it to start. I surrender.

Anna

The 'why' is because you're an alcoholic. I had a hard time getting past the first few days, too, but once you do, things will become a bit easier.

eyes99

I'm just so sick of myself.

Dee74

Hi eyes - yeah I feel you.

What changed for me was using this place regularly - when those day 3 or 4 thoughts came, I had a place to come to and post about it, or read other peoples stories.

For all my rationalisations, I'd been drinking for so long I knew that drinking didn't work for me.

I wasn't sure but I owed myself the chance to see if sobriety would work for me - and it did

why not join the Class of September support thread (its also in this forum) and post daily or more than daily - as much as you need to?

Think about the changes you an make in your life to support your desire to be sober,. A good plan can help there - some good ideas here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

D

eyes99

Thanks Dee and Anna. I'll try. Going to bed early tonight and I'll try to screw up my courage to post my story tomorrow.

thomas11

Hi eyes, you sound pretty down, just want to offer my support and let you know I agree with Anna and Dee. It takes a lot of effort and action, but sobriety can be attained.

SoberLifeForMe

Hello, eyes! No matter how many times you stumble, never stop trying. It does get better, and definitely gets easier, but it takes some effort. Keep going! You're with it!

Hevyn

It's great to meet you, eyes. You're in good company.

I felt the same way when I finally quit - I was sick of myself, sick of trying to maintain a reckless lifestyle that was killing me. I was so afraid of missing out, of never enjoying myself again. Yet my drinking life was never fun anymore - I was miserable, numb, anxious, & putting myself in danger. It was wonderful to finally get free of it. You can do this.

eyes99

Thanks so much everyone. I feel much better today. I went to bed at 8pm and got a good night's rest. Day 2 today.

I'm generally an optimistic person. But this drinking thing is so hard to shake. The more I try to stop and fail, the more I get down on myself. But, it passes. If I don't drink, I feel great. I've been trying to quit in earnest for about a year now. My drinking is WAY down - 2 nights a week from being a daily drinker. But every 3rd or 4th day, the AV hits me like a hammer. I have to come up with a strategy for that.

I'll start a new thread with the whole story to introduce myself to the group. I first came here years back, but I never actually took the plunge to join the group. I'm not a "joiner" in general. But I have come to realize that I can't do this alone.

So thank you for all of your support, and I'll be back in a bit!

Hevyn

I'm glad you were able to sleep, eyes - that's a big problem in the early days.

I'm not a joiner either - but I came limping in here 10 yrs. ago and never left. That's how much the encouragement & camaraderie has meant to me. I never realized so many people had my very same thoughts. It was calming & gave me hope.