nowinsituation

Here I am on yet another Sunday afternoon, feeling like I am wasting the day.
Six days of the week I (usually) feel competent, attractive, and normal. Sundays I feel lost, sad, lonely, and anxious. I feel hopeless and helpless. I miss being married, I miss having someone else to share my home other than my dogs.

I haven’t been active on the forum for awhile. I divorced my AH 10 years ago. It was relatively free of drama…. I pursued Al-Anon and therapy. While it was painful, I always felt hope. Within a couple of years I was in a serious relationship. We were in love and best friends. Long story-short – we split almost two years ago. It’s been hard to let him go, and we have toyed with reconciling…. But we are not and I have accepted that.

I am struggling to find that hope that was always there before. I miss having partner, my best friend. I’ve dated some and generally don’t feel an attraction.

I feel like there is something missing inside of me. I am an introvert and have some social anxiety. I have always relied on one of two things to navigate social situations: 1) a partner, or 2) alcohol. Without a partner, I’m relying more on alcohol…. And I wonder if I’m becoming dependent.

I think I need to start going to meetings again – either AlAnon or maybe AA? I want to try to work the steps again to get “unstuck” from where I am. I’m hoping to get some feedback… which might be the best choice?

Thanks to you all!

spookyboo22

Hi
Why choose? Have both x

Sasha1972

I'm an introvert too, and for me a glass of wine helps with some (not all) social situations, especially when I don't know anyone. There's a difference between using a moderate amount of alcohol to enhance social situations so that you enjoy them more, and being dependent on alcohol in order to endure social situations. I can remember sort of catching myself when one glass of wine was becoming three, and thinking "this isn't going in the right direction - time to dial it back". So I went back to zero or one glass. Weeks can go by without my consuming any alcohol, and it's not an issue. (I acknowledge that my brain is probably not wired for addiction of any kind, so the fact that I don't drink to excess isn't really a big accomplishment on my part).

If you're worried about relying on alcohol, maybe ask yourself this - what if I were invited to a social event with a lot of strange people and I knew there would be no alcohol there (e.g. a Muslim wedding)? Would I still go? Would I still want to go?

From what I've seen, "working the steps" is a really good practice for anyone, not just an addict or a person whose life is affected by someone else's drinking.

tomsteve

seems that for alcoholism, AA would be the best choice and for codependency, Al anon.

meetings are great, but going to meetings alone doesnt treat either.

id suggest dropping the "try" out of "I want to try to work the steps again to get “unstuck” from where I am.'

Smarie78

Good for you for recognizing that a problem may exist, and doing so before it gets out of control. I am the opposite kind of person and am very extroverted, but have found myself leaning more toward alcohol to cope with the alcoholic in my life. There are days when I know I am going to see him so will purposefully have a drink or two to "prepare". Even when he is not drinking and acting normal it becomes a bit of armor to help cope with the reality he represents when I see him (oh God help me forget that he is married and not in recovery and isn't a secret from my family. Let me just relax and pretend we are ok).
Now I am also a regular drinker if not almost daily drinker myself, but no problems with it.

I do feel there are times when I use it though. I would highly reccomend going both to AA and Alanon . You are using alcohol to fill the void your ex left behind, but perhaps you still are exhibiting codependency and need to recover before alcoholism eclipses to codependency. Much love to you.

There's a great thread someone posted on the "void" recently. Give it a read

nowinsituation

Thanks for the input. I've been away so long I don't even remember how to "Thank" people within the post.

I've been really thinking hard about this.... Even when I was in AlAnon, something held me back from really opening myself up. I feel that way in almost all social settings -- It's so hard to describe. I feel like people aren't going to be interested in my story, so I keep it to myself. It's not like I NEVER speak or share; but very much on the surface type things.

I was significantly overweight in my childhood. I lost weight in my early teens - but was very heavy again by the time I graduated high school and college.... Lost weight again, and have pretty- much maintained a healthy weight since then. My identity and my self esteem is very tied to my weight. I remember out-of-control binges from my childhood. The cruelness and ridicule I endured are things I likely need to heal. That was so many years ago.... I don't know. I always think that is what makes me scared of people.... just remembering how cruelly I was treated as a child by friends, family and complete strangers.

So, now I am thinking Overeaters Anonymous may be a good step to take. I just hope I can open up enough if that's what it takes to heal.