12 steps w/o a Sponsor?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Woodburn, OR
Posts: 422
12 steps w/o a Sponsor?
Hi all!
Other than a couple slips this past month I feel that I'm improving my plan and getting stronger sober muscles. I even started going to an AA meeting (terrifying at the start) and am building some accountability. I would like to start the 12 steps but don't have a Sponsor. Everyone at my meeting is super nice but not anyone that I would feel comfortable with as my Sponsor. Can I start on my own? Is that allowed?
Thanks for any feedback!
Erica
Other than a couple slips this past month I feel that I'm improving my plan and getting stronger sober muscles. I even started going to an AA meeting (terrifying at the start) and am building some accountability. I would like to start the 12 steps but don't have a Sponsor. Everyone at my meeting is super nice but not anyone that I would feel comfortable with as my Sponsor. Can I start on my own? Is that allowed?
Thanks for any feedback!
Erica
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad you are here. And, as a dedicated AAer glad that you want to consider it as your plan for recovery.
The only desire for membership is a desire to quit drinking- do you want to stop completely? A sponsor is (strongly) advised because there is a whole lot of material in the BB, and the steps are really just the beginning. It's one thing to read the BB out of curiosity or wanting to learn, but the program is designed to be worked with help from others.
I am 562 days sober - I didn't ask someone to be my sponsor til day 97. I had maybe spoken a handful of times in meetings til then (and I am a very outgoing person) and waited til I felt comfortable with someone I had heard speak a number of times. I had "emotionally" done steps 1-3, but we started at the beginning. For various reasons, I moved to my current sponsor when it was time for steps 4-5, so about a month, month and a half after the first one started working with me.
AA is what you make it - for me, living my best life in sobriety has meant fully embracing the program, its tools, the people who have become my support system- a full commitment to my new way of life.
Best to you.
The only desire for membership is a desire to quit drinking- do you want to stop completely? A sponsor is (strongly) advised because there is a whole lot of material in the BB, and the steps are really just the beginning. It's one thing to read the BB out of curiosity or wanting to learn, but the program is designed to be worked with help from others.
I am 562 days sober - I didn't ask someone to be my sponsor til day 97. I had maybe spoken a handful of times in meetings til then (and I am a very outgoing person) and waited til I felt comfortable with someone I had heard speak a number of times. I had "emotionally" done steps 1-3, but we started at the beginning. For various reasons, I moved to my current sponsor when it was time for steps 4-5, so about a month, month and a half after the first one started working with me.
AA is what you make it - for me, living my best life in sobriety has meant fully embracing the program, its tools, the people who have become my support system- a full commitment to my new way of life.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
i strongly suggest you get some more meetings under you belt AND read the Big Book. you don't need a sponsor for that. you don't even NEED a sponsor, it's not a requirement, altho a good sponsor is a huge bonus. only in the 5th step do you need another person - and that can be anyone.....technically the guy sitting next to you on the bus.
study up before you take the test. don't read the cliff notes, read the book. back in the day i would have recommended getting a new notebook and really good pen.....i guess today it's just fire up the laptop....
study up before you take the test. don't read the cliff notes, read the book. back in the day i would have recommended getting a new notebook and really good pen.....i guess today it's just fire up the laptop....
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
Yes, you need a sponsor. Others will sugar coat it some but you need a sponsor and you want a sponsor. Like mentioned above, go to some meetings and get a feel for some of the folks. Find ones who seem to have things going well and are at the same meetings each week. Start by asking someone to be your temporary sponsor. That is a good way to get going.
Also, I noticed you said meeting.... as in one meeting a week? Not to scare you but you should really be going to at least 3 meetings a week. Most people in my area go to more but 3 is kind of a minimum, at least for a while and you get some solid sobriety under your belt.
August252015 made a very important point..... AA is NOT a self help program. The intention is for you to learn from someone who has been around a while and can help you make sense of things. In turn, with time, you will be the one sponsoring and helping those who come after you. It's a beautiful thing when it works!!!
Also, I noticed you said meeting.... as in one meeting a week? Not to scare you but you should really be going to at least 3 meetings a week. Most people in my area go to more but 3 is kind of a minimum, at least for a while and you get some solid sobriety under your belt.
August252015 made a very important point..... AA is NOT a self help program. The intention is for you to learn from someone who has been around a while and can help you make sense of things. In turn, with time, you will be the one sponsoring and helping those who come after you. It's a beautiful thing when it works!!!
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
MissOverIt, 3 is good! Great job going to AA and as long as you are taking it all in and doing the best you can do at this time than that's all you need to do.
I went to 2-3 a week... but continued to drink for about a year. During that time I had a sponsor but didn't take direction from him. Life finally caught up to me and some stuff happened and that's when my misery got bad enough that I finally shut up and listed to my sponsor. With his advice and guidance I finally did a 4th and 5th step and that's when my life changed. That was now just over 5 years ago. I don't get to the meetings these day like I should but I do my best to live the program and to always do the next right thing in life. I will say that I have absolutely no doubt that none of that would have happened if I would have tried to run the program on my own. Actually, I guess for a year I did and drinking and more misery is all it got me.
I went to 2-3 a week... but continued to drink for about a year. During that time I had a sponsor but didn't take direction from him. Life finally caught up to me and some stuff happened and that's when my misery got bad enough that I finally shut up and listed to my sponsor. With his advice and guidance I finally did a 4th and 5th step and that's when my life changed. That was now just over 5 years ago. I don't get to the meetings these day like I should but I do my best to live the program and to always do the next right thing in life. I will say that I have absolutely no doubt that none of that would have happened if I would have tried to run the program on my own. Actually, I guess for a year I did and drinking and more misery is all it got me.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I'm inspired by your open mindedness. It is a good suggestion to read the book, especially the first 103 pages. A good knowledge of what it contains will also help you determine if your sponsor is giving you the right stuff.
The big book itself is a text book. It contains a set of directions, and a lot of supporting information. Do you remember having text books at school. Did you ever study every page of one? Or did the teacher take you through the subject, using parts of the text that were important, to help you reach your grade?
A good sponsor is a bit like a teacher. They are going to see where you are strong and where you need some help, and they can guide you to the parts of the basic text that you need to learn or act on. They can draw out the directions, prayers and promises, and bring them to life with their own experience. They can show you what you need to know in order to recover. Provided you get a good one, and you are willing to do your part, a sponsor is a much faster path to permanent recovery. Why reinvent the wheel.i think the first sign of humility is the ability to learn from someone else's mistakes.
The big book itself is a text book. It contains a set of directions, and a lot of supporting information. Do you remember having text books at school. Did you ever study every page of one? Or did the teacher take you through the subject, using parts of the text that were important, to help you reach your grade?
A good sponsor is a bit like a teacher. They are going to see where you are strong and where you need some help, and they can guide you to the parts of the basic text that you need to learn or act on. They can draw out the directions, prayers and promises, and bring them to life with their own experience. They can show you what you need to know in order to recover. Provided you get a good one, and you are willing to do your part, a sponsor is a much faster path to permanent recovery. Why reinvent the wheel.i think the first sign of humility is the ability to learn from someone else's mistakes.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
I started off in a 28 day rehab with a
6 week aftercare recovery program
attached to be taught about my addiction
to alcohol and its affects on myself and
those around me. Then I was taught an
effective program of recovery consisting
of 12 steps as a guideline to incorporate
in all areas of my life.
There were many suggestions passed on
to me that were pretty important in early
recovery such as getting a sponsor, going
to meeting and definitely don't drink to help
me remain sober one day at a time.
Responsibility for maintaining my own
sobriety and recovery became top priority
because without it I certainly wouldn't
have had my family, my job, house, car,
and definitely not my life.
My sponsor did not hold my hand. However,
she led me by example, the person whom I
wanted to be like in recovery and life. I listened
to her, followed here suggestions and footsteps
in achieving a solid recovery foundation to
live my own life upon for yrs to come.
All those folks I sat behind, along side of,
in front of, surrounded by, were those who
gave me support, understanding, guidance
each and everyday for many yrs. helping
me build a strong, solid foundation to live
on and to realize that I never have to go
thru anything in life alone or by myself.
That they would/will always be there if
I needed them. Just like the fellowship
here in SR.
It didn't take just one person, but rather
the fellowship as a whole to guide and teach
me to become the best person I can possibly
be in life. Honest, happy and healthy in all
areas of my life.
Once I learned the 12 steps and how to
use them in my life, I continue to use them
as an on going maintenance program, map,
and guideline to live my life upon by myself.
Listen, Learn, Absorb, Apply for continued
success in life and recovery.
6 week aftercare recovery program
attached to be taught about my addiction
to alcohol and its affects on myself and
those around me. Then I was taught an
effective program of recovery consisting
of 12 steps as a guideline to incorporate
in all areas of my life.
There were many suggestions passed on
to me that were pretty important in early
recovery such as getting a sponsor, going
to meeting and definitely don't drink to help
me remain sober one day at a time.
Responsibility for maintaining my own
sobriety and recovery became top priority
because without it I certainly wouldn't
have had my family, my job, house, car,
and definitely not my life.
My sponsor did not hold my hand. However,
she led me by example, the person whom I
wanted to be like in recovery and life. I listened
to her, followed here suggestions and footsteps
in achieving a solid recovery foundation to
live my own life upon for yrs to come.
All those folks I sat behind, along side of,
in front of, surrounded by, were those who
gave me support, understanding, guidance
each and everyday for many yrs. helping
me build a strong, solid foundation to live
on and to realize that I never have to go
thru anything in life alone or by myself.
That they would/will always be there if
I needed them. Just like the fellowship
here in SR.
It didn't take just one person, but rather
the fellowship as a whole to guide and teach
me to become the best person I can possibly
be in life. Honest, happy and healthy in all
areas of my life.
Once I learned the 12 steps and how to
use them in my life, I continue to use them
as an on going maintenance program, map,
and guideline to live my life upon by myself.
Listen, Learn, Absorb, Apply for continued
success in life and recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
It is allowed but I do not recommend it. You definitely need a sober guide. I cannot imagine how screwed up I would be if I tried to do the steps on my own hahaha! Seriously, my sponsor is my LIFELINE.
My advice on AA: Do it RIGHT. Go all in. Get a sponsor. Work the steps with the sponsor.
"Half measures availed us nothing."
My advice on AA: Do it RIGHT. Go all in. Get a sponsor. Work the steps with the sponsor.
"Half measures availed us nothing."
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Missoverit , I hope you find your way and go on to live a happy sober life .
Lots of wisdom from above responses from people who have good sobriety .
This thread is also helpful to me as when I was in AA I was too headstrong and just didnt follow any set program , I moaned too much and dreaded speaking . I resented my sponsor ( in hindsight probably because I didnt like hearing the truth ) . If I decide to go back to AA I will aproach it differently , as in the way descibed above .
Lots of wisdom from above responses from people who have good sobriety .
This thread is also helpful to me as when I was in AA I was too headstrong and just didnt follow any set program , I moaned too much and dreaded speaking . I resented my sponsor ( in hindsight probably because I didnt like hearing the truth ) . If I decide to go back to AA I will aproach it differently , as in the way descibed above .
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
dont think i ever heard someone say they went to too many meetings early on.
ive heard quite a few say they didnt go to enough and drank.
ive heard quite a few say they didnt go to enough and drank.
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