goodkate

but no, not my husband. i actually left my present, second husband for six months, to live with my ex sister in law(the alcoholic). we lived together for six months. i moved back in with my husband two weeks ago. she had also left a very abusive man.(mine was not abusive, or alcoholic,but he had cheated) in fact he doesnt drink at all.

she had a baby in august, and that is when everything went downhill. she was able to stop drinking during pregnancy. she started back up the very day she got home from the hospital. i was even there with her when she gave birth. i had been her friend for thirty years, and was married to her brother for fourteen but that was many years ago.

it got so bad that i was paying the majority of the bills. i think she may have even stolen a money order from me, and used my license to cash it. just a hunch. sometimes she was so drunk, she wouldnt hear her baby crying. In the end, she let her abusive husband move in with us, without consulting me. he had no job at the time. she kept promising that she was still going thru with her divorce( i was trying to make my marriage work thru dates, talking etc with my husband...)

finally, i confided in my husband what all was happening. theres tons worse things that happened in these two months that i dont even want to get into..i confided in my husband all the problems...well, she eavesdropped on my conversation, and immediately called me every name in the book, said i was a 'ho' and lots of various horrible things i cant repeat. i knew it was time to hit the road.

i left her with some bills, but paid my share that month of the rent. i left her the fridge i had bought, so the baby would have that, and a few other assorted things i knew she would need. i now live with my husband and things are going fine. until this past week...

she would call and start off being cool, and then call again late at night accusing
my husband of dealing drugs..not true. she accused him of hurting our daughter, not true. she accused me of picking him over my children. in other words, horrible nasty lies, and all said drunk. the next morning she would leave an apologetic voice mail, and then that same night would start the whole process over again. finally i quit taking her calls, blocked her email, and said to heck with it all.

i love her dearly, she was my best friend. but i cant take this anymore. to be fair, there were even a few times that i joined her in her drinking. i knew i could only spiral deeper if i stayed a minute longer. she is without a job, has a new baby, lost custody of her teen daughters, and im sure her husband is using his money(he got a job last week) to pay her bills.

and kind words to help me heal and deal would be appreciated, and sorry im all over the place with my post..

jojo

Kate -

My immediate concern is for your friend's new baby. Is it being cared for properly, is it even safe? I don't know all the circumstances but if you are worried about the baby maybe you should call social services and let them check the situation out.

You have decided to make a life with your husband and I think that you are right to try and shut her out of your life right now as long as her behavior is so abusive. Until she is ready to get help, there is nothing that you can do for her. Concentrate on rebuilding your marriage. If that baby isn't safe, make a phone call.

Hugs, Jo

Gabe

Kate,
You are not respsonsible for her or her behavior.
You can't clean up her messes.
You have to make a life for yourself, wherever you will be happy.
I'm with Jojo, I'm concerned about the baby.
Do what you can to make sure that wee one is not in a dangerous situation.
Then leave your friend to find her own way.
Gabe

goodkate

boy im crying reading these responses. its the first time anyone told me that what i did was right.

thank u so much.

and that baby ....i honestly dont know how he is...when i was there, i took care of him when she wouldnt. guess i need to make a call.

gelfling

Hello Dear Heart,

Good move. You're using our head and did what was best for you.

Now about that little baby. If you think the child is being neglected or abused, call the department of social services. If her teenagers were taken away because of being an unfit mother, the baby definitely needs to be relocated. The teens can fend for themselves. The infant can't.

Stand strong, have faith and do your meetings. :rose

Kathy