Gabe1980

Back to day 1. Managed 15 days on holiday sober then drank the first night home. Things were 'frosty' with my husband and he wanted to go to the pub. I just took it as 'permission' and decided drinking together would help us have 'fun' I know thats all a load of utter rubbish. I felt really certain I would stop this time. Just have to take it on the chin and start over. I've had enough.

Endoftheday

I'm back to day 1 today too after doing 117 days , it's going to be hard doing day 1 again but we can do this

Gabe1980

Im sorry to hear you are starting over too. 117 days is amazing though. Do you know why you drank? I'm here with you.

Dee74

Welcome back the both of you

I really recommend doing something different this time - moew changes, more support? it can really help

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

D

Endoftheday

I felt like I was missing out so I was driving home from work and thought 1 or 2 will not hurt but it never stops at 1 or 2 with me it's more like 10 .

Gabe1980

Yeah, I know what you mean on both counts. Missing out on the 'fun' and the two drinks become ten. The minute I had a jack and coke I wanted to demolish tweny of them. Important thing is we are still trying.

And thanks Dee, I think more support is vital for me in staying sober.

Gottalife

Sorry to hear that Gabe, but it can be just a steppingstone to success.

What happened? There was a complete failure of the kind of defense that prevents one putting ones hand on a hot stove. The thoughts of the consequences of even a week ago do not flood into the mind to deter us. We are without defense against the first drink. That was my experience anyway.

Gabe1980

Hey Gottalife. That seems to be the long and short of it. I think this is a stepping stone to my first AA meeting. I can't do it alone. I've been reading a bit about 'surrendering' and something about that is really connecting with me. Could you share with me your understanding if you have a minute?

Gottalife

Hi Gabe. I guess surrender brings an end to all battles. In the AA context I think it was the realization that I lacked the power to fix the problem myself, and nobody around me seemed to have the power either. In respect to alcohol I was totally powerless. Other facts about alcoholism came to me, the inability to control my drinking every time I started, and the inability to leave it alone no matter how much I wanted to. These aspects of lack of control and choice are the hallmarks of chronic alcoholism. When they are as well established as they were in me there is no return to normal drinking. The only relief is through total abstinence. I can never drink safely again, and if I try, a miserable end awaits me.

Surrendering to these facts meant at last I have identified the problem. I now know that I lack the power to fix this, so a possible solution would be to find the power, which is what the AA program (steps) is all about.

An open mind is key here so part of surrender is giving up all old ideas and trying to have a totally new experience. When I got to this point, which didn't take all that long, I found myself willing to do whatever was suggested to tap into this Power. And really, that is what AA is, a method to tap into a Power greater than ourselves, which will solve our problem. And so it proved to be.

You could already be two steps into the program. Step one identifies the problem, step two the solution. Step two requires a simple yes or no answer to this question: Do you now believe or are you even willing to believe that a power greater than yourself could possibly work for you the same way that it has worked for me and countless others?

I didn't believe, but I was willing, and from there I could make a start.

I hope I didn't make that too complicated.

Gabe1980

Thank you. And no, it wasn't too complicated at all. It makes a lot of sense to me. This year has been the first year I have developed a sense of being in touch with something greater than myself and I've already experienced so much growth and a new understanding from this. I also know I don't have power or control over alcohol. I'm not a chronic alcoholic but I've misused it for long enough that I will never have a healthy relationship with alcohol and I can't use it safely. It sounds like the philosophy of AA sits well with where I am. I also appreciate the idea of being open to new meanings and ideas of how to live. Your post was really helpful. Thanks again

decchemist

Hi Gabe

I wonder if you decided to get the book I mentioned and if so did you read it yet?

Too bad about the blip. Just get straight back on and start again.

Gabe1980

I started it when I was away on holiday but put it to one side as it was difficult to give it proper attention with folk around. Started it again today and it'll definately get my full attention now! It looks like its changed more than a few lives.

Gabe1980

Any other suggestions for reading from everyone would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Anna

Hi Gabe, I'm sorry that you relapsed.

I think it's important, along with stopping drinking, to make changes in your life. You will need to, and be able to, find new things to do that are fun. I needed to make some major lifestyle changes in order to support my recovery. If you feel like you're losing out on something fun, it's not going to work. What do you like to do, what hobbies do you have or are interested in starting?

You can do this!

Gabe1980

Hi Anna. Thanks for your post.

I've been thinking about the changes I can make too. I love swimming so Im planning on going back to the pool tomorrow. I used to draw and paint too. I was thinking about maybe taking classes. Also joining the local Buddhist group here. I need to be out and to do scheduled things so I definately attend. It seems that everything revolves around booze but there are plenty of other things going on.

I need to learn how to be around people sober. It's a scary thought. Meet new people. It's amazing that people you know watch you struggle with alcohol for years then accuse you of being 'boring' when you try and stop. Sod them all.

Endoftheday

how you doing Gabe ? day 1 nearly done :-)

Gabe1980

Not too bad. Physically awful but have managed to get my mind a bit more sorted. Had to let go of all the anger I was feeling towards myself for screwing up.

How are you doing? I hope its not been too rough a day 😊

Endoftheday

Not to bad , just shattered today , looking forward to day 2 tomorrow :-)

Gabe1980

Yeah, me too. Let me know how you are getting on. We'll be back on track in no time.

Endoftheday

How you doing Gabe ?