Sarbear1885

Each morning I wake up and feel the worst regret of my drinking the previous night, but each night rolls around and it's like a mental labotmy. Somehow I end up right where I was the night before. My motivation to avoid alcohol completely compromised.

I'm ashamed to say and I know I have a problem since I usually have a bottle of wine each night after the kids go down for the night. I want to stop, well I don't want to since I really do enjoy the feeling of relaxation wine gives me (I'm a very anxious person) but I know I need to for my own future and health.

I'm not sure where to go from here. Honestly I don't want to attend AA, I have seen that group and it's not something that would fit for my kind of personality.

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to post and introduce myself, hoping this will set the real ball in motion.

HTown

Why not stick around here? Read all of the prior posts (that's what I did). Maybe write out a list of negative things about alcohol. Stay sober one day at a time, then write down a gratitude list as you go forward. It feels so darn good to be off the hamster wheel. Good luck

biminiblue

You just have to make a decision. Then don't pick up a drink, no matter what.

The anxiety thing? Mine was caused by alcohol (as well as temporarily "cured" by it.) Continuous sobriety has meant I cope with life's problems without freaking out. That was a surprise to me. Having to go all day without drinking will just amp up the anxiety. It's basically withdrawal of a sedative from the nervous system. Day after day. Then reapplication of the sedative calms the nervous system. It's a viscious loop.

I went to AA meetings for the first couple/few months but it wasn't for me, either. I did spend lots of time reading on this site, and I joined my "Class of March" thread. Maybe you could start there. This is a really good and safe place to learn and post.

Below is the link to the "Class of September 2017" thread. It is people who want to quit this month, so you learn from each other and support each other. All you do is post in there and you're off! Welcome to the site.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-1-a.html

tealily

Sarbear,

Welcome! It's a great thing you posted. It can be a turning point for you in getting your life back.

Joining here made all the difference for me. Not just reading, but posting, and taking in the shared experience here.

I totally get your story. It rings so true for me. I also was a wine drinker and did just the same, waking up regretting wine, swearing I wouldn't drink that next day, but then by the time the late afternoon came around, giving in, day after day, and regretting it again, in a viscious cycle, damaging myself and my family. It's a drinking treadmill and no way to live.

I too was up to a bottle or more of wine a night, late at night, probably self medicating for anxiety. The only answer for me was stopping completely.

Here's my story if you want to read it:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rate-stop.html

Please look around here and you will read many similar stories! This is a great community. We are happy you are with us

Delilah1

Welcome Sarbear, I am glad you found us! I could have written your post almost verbatim 20 months ago. I had been struggling with the amount I was drinking, and attempting periods of sobriety and moderation for a few years. I found the following things helped me to finally get sober, and be a physically and mentally healthier me, mom, wife, employee.

• Read and post on SR daily, it really does help.

• Use exercise or mindfulness to help with anxiety. I also thought wine was a way to relieve stress/anxiety, but truthfully, it just made me more anxious, because whatever I was currently worried about was still there the next day, and now I had to deal with it with a foggy or hungover mind.
• Check out the 24 hour thread, it is a great community, and a good place to check in daily and commit to remaining sober for the next 24 hours.
  http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-290-a.html
• Join the September of 2017 class, you will find the support of others who have committed, or recommitted to sobriety this month. Someone posted the link above.
• Plan other things for the time you would normally pour a glass of wine. Go for a walk, find a yoga DVD, check out a mindfulness video, read a recover book, or a non-recovery book, binge watch Netflix,
• The second the thought of drinking pops into your head log in here and post, someone will be around to talk you out of it.
• Play the tape through sounded cliche to me when I first joined, but truthfully, was one of the most important things for me in early recovery. I knew I would never wake up the next morning thinking "I wish I drank last night." However, I would wake up regretting it if I had.

You can do this one day at a time, and will find lots of support on this site.

Looking forward to seeing you here!!

nez

Seems that wine adds more to your anxiety rather than your relaxation. Initially wine might seem to help you relax, but does it really? There is a law of diminishing returns in play.

For me, the anguish experienced in the morning was greater than the perceived relaxation of the previous evening. So as a relaxation solution, alcohol was not truly a solution, but a detriment.

There are relaxation solutions that don't provide anguish and regret in the morning.

I am not trying to sell you on AA, but just curious,what has been your exposure and experience to AA? I only ask because I am all about whatever works to help someone achieve sobriety. I don't care how they get there. I just want everybody to have their best shot at it and I believe that an open mind is of the utmost importance in order to get to the party.

Dee74

Welcome sarbear - some great advice here already

None of us could imagine easily a life without alcohol. We all felt, at some level, we needed it - but thats simply not true.

I rediscovered a me I'd forgotten, and I re-established my lust for life.

There are many other healthy ways to relax if winding down is a problem - meditation, exercise, changing your routine - the list is only limited by your imagination

Face your fear - and do it anyway. I got my life back when I quit drinking

D

Done4today

Welcome Sarbear,

You will find tremendous amount of support here without judgement. Keep checking in and post whatever is on your mind.

I always knew I had some sort of drinking problem. What got me to totally surrender and accept my powerlessness was actually trying to control my drinking. I learned what alcoholism actually is and identified completely. BTW, normal drinkers don't crave another drink. They either want one or don't. Their mind doesn't obsess and crave drinking. That's when I came to find out that booze wasn't the problem. I found a program of recovery that has given me a solution. Once you are ready find a program of recovery and put the same amount of effort into your recovery as you do with your drinking. And you will never be happier that you made this choice. Good luck

PhoenixJ

HA! Does not fit my personality either,. It is not for me. I am not as bad as them. I will never drink that much. I have been TOLD I am not an alcoholic and controlled drinking is the answer (nope -bull. A lie). Some one might see me. I do not like AA. I run 2 AA meetings..why? Because I do not want to- and in recovery resistance usually means I should do what I do not want to do. I do not want to make a 3 hour trek to a psychologist. I do not want to be on antidepressants. I do not want to be honest with a counselor about the petty, childish thoughts in my brain. A psychiatrist goes to one meeting, a highly paid exec, a wealthy mum of 2- who is about to lose everything. That is what 'rock bottom ' means. When the desperation and the fight to live- exceeds the want to drink..with brutal honesty. Not hidden behind poilte explanations and rationalising. I used to say to my then wife- I rang up about AA 6 times- no answer. I will try again tomorrow' Meaning I would ring...wait 3 seconds- then hang up. These comments are about me- not you. BUT- if you truly want to stop drinking...try anything. Support to you.

Mattq2

I didn't think I could quit. Not a chance. The fear I felt just thinking about quitting was awful. I couldn't even think of a life that didn't involve drinking.

Guess what you can do it. You can have a life without alcohol. It's not easy but it's worth it and given enough sober time you won't even remember what drinking was like.

SR helped me so much. I was here every night reading and posting. The great people here helped me learn to live life sober. I know it will help you to if you really want it.

Hevyn

Great to have you with us, Sarbear. Excellent responses so far.

I'll just add that I drank 30 yrs. & never imagined my life without it. Why I clung to something that brought me such misery, I'll never understand. I guess I always thought I could go back to the early days of drinking when I still had some control & it didn't rule my world. In the end, I drank all day. It was so wonderful to finally be free of it. Keep posting and reading - we care about you.

Sarbear1885

Yes the anxiety I feel every morning is rough! I haven't had Deal with a few new developments that I'm nervous to face. And Currently tonight I'm feeling anxiety to fight the urge I'm getting to have a drink.
Thank you for sharing the group, I joined it 👍🏼

Sarbear1885

Thank you for all the helpful advice and support!!

Sarbear1885

Thank you everyone! I'm hoping this will be the support I need! I didn't have a drink tonight and now I'm about to go to bed 😊 I'm excited to wake up and not feel icky!

Sarbear1885

It has totally added to my anxiety, for such temporary relief, and I know this, but at night I am so weak. Which is also something that is bugging me, I'm awful at turning my thoughts off. Distractions have not been my strong suit 😉

And I went to a meeting with a friend a while back, i really didn't like the forum and it all felt socially awkward to me because I am a socially awkward feeling person, not because anyone there was to me. I feel socially forced in those situations. Another thing is that I don't want to see anyone face to face. I'm hoping I can do this on my own.

SimplyFree

Bedtime was my favorite time! I loved remembering I was going to bed, saying goodnight to my kids. Instead of waking up at some point in the night and trying to figure out where I was and what I should do next. Even though no one saw that stuff, I was ashamed of myself continuously. Now I wake up, no shame, the fuzzy brain is much clearer, and even if I slept poorly, it's better than a hangover every time. Nice job, stay strong!

Nowsthetime

Hello and welcome:

If you are here you won't be doing it alone. You have usto support you. Keep reading and participating and post before you drink.

Have you started your plan?

Awake61

Hi - what PhoenixJ wrote.

nez

I can definitely relate to being socially awkward, the fact that I was socially awkward was the reason I started drinking in the first place. If thirty years of drinking didn't resolve my socially awkwardness, I could hardly expect my first experience or two with AA to magically erase it either.

Because of my awkwardness, I hated AA meetings at first. Definitely out of my comfort zone. Hell, by that time in my alcoholism, my only comfort zone was passed out drunk. Any time awake was pure hell due to the drink/not drink battle.

Time and practice have abated my social awkwardness. I will never be confused with a cruise director on an ocean liner, but I am much more comfortable these days in social situations.

Meetings gave me continued practice in social situations, in the company of people who were empathetic, non-judgmental,and understood were I was coming from because they had been there themselves.

tomsteve

i can relate to that. what i read as social akwardness i think was fear for me- low self esteem and all that negative stuff.
but i started hearing me spoke about at meetings through others-theyd share their experience of the thinkings/feelings and it was just about identical to how i was feeling/thinking when i walked in.
also spoke about solutions to change,too.
i didnt hear that in 1 or 5 meetings,though. that took some time.