LoveForMe

Today is supposed to be a great day... the longest I've ever been sober in my adult life. But why do I feel so down? I miss my ex and our old friends. They are all at the lake for the holiday weekend. I was there too this time last year. I miss drinking more than ever and I just wish I could have my old life back for just one day. I hate these thoughts and I want them to go away. I feel like it's getting harder and harder each day, when I thought it would get easier. I'm going to try to be positive today. I hope everyone has a wonderful day😁

biminiblue

Kateangel, if you look at it as a punishment, it's not going to work very well.

I am so grateful to not have the burden of alcohol chaining me to a life of misery.

I understand being sad about missing people, but you can still go to the lake. I go to the lake, and the beach and the restaurants and out boating and to shows. I have different people I spend time with who aren't drinking - but that's a really good thing. Drinkers are pretty difficult for me to spend time around any more. They are repetitive, argumentative, boring, and they seem to bounce from one disaster to the next.

Spending time with people who drink too much is not a happy peaceful life for me at all. It's so much better being able to drive whenever I want and to remember all the great moments of my life now.

I had to create a life I was content with. You can do that too. The self-pity thing gets me nowhere good.

Have you tried a gratitude list? It changes how you look at the world.

Hang on.

biminiblue

BTW, congrats on 90 days! That's a miracle, right there.

Mavis89

Well Kateangel, I think you are amazing! I would love to be able to say I have achieved 90 days. Well done you. Go and do something nice to celebrate, and don't be down, don't look back, look forwards to the sunshine!

nova84

Congratulations on 90 days...so what were the reasons you chose to embrace sobriety Kateangel?

Maudcat

Congratulations, Kate.
I'm assuming you have passed on the friendships because of they drink and you don't now?
Maybe you're blue because of the holiday weekend.
I feel like we have been fed the "long weekend, let's celebrate with a beer" story so much by media and advertisers that it's difficult to see past it.
The reality is that by nightfall your friends at the lake will likely be much the worse for alcohol.
There may be a fight or two, hurt feelings, queasy stomachs, dead drunk and/or passed out.
I had too much trouble with alcohol to be able to see drinking in any favorable way, shape or form.
90 days is seriously great. Keep it going.
Do something nice for yourself this weekend.
Sleep in, have a guilt inducing breakfast with pancakes.
Get some fresh air. I know it sounds trite, but oxygenating the brain really does help.
After I stopped drinking, I was kinda amazed at the number of people who don't drink.
Who knew?

PurpleKnight

90 Days is fantastic Kate, keep pushing through!!

Anna

Kate, take a moment to be proud of yourself for achieving 90 days sober.

It sounds to me like making a small lifestyle change might help you. Sitting at home and missing your lake time this holiday weekend is part of the process that should now help you to begin to move on. I found that making a small change in my life had a ripple effect. Do something nice for yourself. Make a small, positive change and see if you begin to feel more positive.

Joeshope54

Awesome, congra

Poppy79

A lot of people say milestones are hard - 3, 6, 9, 12 months. I stumbled at the 9 month milestone and I utterly regret it. Please don't make the same mistake I did.
Thankfully I had a ton of support on here and I hopped straight back on the horse. Now over a month sober..... again.
I find when it gets hard, I have to stop and actually question myself. Reason with myself. Ask some hard questions which I don't like the answers to. My main question to myself is 'why on earth do you think this time you can stop at a couple of glasses of wine when history tells you that doesn't work anymore?' Honest answer....'You have crossed the line where your brain chemistry changes after just 1 glass. You can't reverse that. You cannot drink moderately ever again'.
Frustrates the $hit out of me at times but other times I happily accept it.
Stay strong and it does get easier

Gottalife

What have you been doing to treat your alcoholism. If you are an alcoholic of my type, just not drinking isn't enough. I had dry spells that always ended in me feeling miserable. Then the old obsession that a few drinks would be just the thing to fix it, came back. It never worked.

Dee74

Welcome Kateangel
Congrats on day 90 but sorry you're down.

If things are getting harder, what are you doing for your recovery?
Like others have said it can take more than not drinking sometimes...

what are you doing to build a sober life you love?

D

silentrun

Congrats on 90 days Kate. Milestones can be tough. Whenever I felt like I was going backward in my recovery I was actually getting really close to moving up a level. This will pass and you will still be moving forward.

Delilah1

Congratulations on 90 days, that is fantastic! The first serious attempt I made at sobriety I started drinking again shortly after 90 days, and it was because I convinced myself I missed drinking activities, and all the fun that came with them. It led to three years struggling between periods of sobriety, and periods of failed attempts at moderation. On NYE of 2015 I decided to stop the insanity, and embraced sobriety. I have 20 months sober, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I promise you are not missing anything, stick with your sobriety, add something to your plan. You will wake up tomorrow and be so glad to be clear headed on day 91.

Done4today

Kateangel, Congratulations on 90 days!!! sorry you are having one of those days, but I love the complete honesty in your post. In the 20 months of continuous sobriety I've had those thoughts just a couple of times and they were in the 60-150 day timeframe. When I start thinking in the past, I break out the paper and pencil. Write a gratitude list, call a friend or two that are on the list, and then put in a comedy. I usually wake up happy and super grateful I am not hungover.

SimplyFree

I was very down I when crossed the 90-100 day mark. It felt like a mild version of the first 30 days. Anxious, some urges, depression, emotional swings...again! It did improve tho. Now I'm at 4.5 months. Life isn't perfect, but alcohol isn't making it worse. Stay strong.

LoveForMe

Thank you everyone for your responses! They really helped a lot. Day 91 today... Today started off rough again but it's a lot better now. The urges are getting more persistent but I'm just going to use them to make me stronger... the problem is that the recent bad memories are fading and the "good memories" are forever there. My sober mind understands now that the drunk fun was artificial but I'm trying to keep that it mind... alcohol likes to trick me into thinking it's all I need😐

Hope everyone is have a great day!

LoveForMe

I quit hanging out with my old pal, vodka, because it was taking everything from me. I'm lucky I still have the things I have today. A place to live, my job and my boyfriend who has been my rock through multiple relapses!

PhoenixJ

Be kind to yourself KATE. Take it slow. Support to you.