12 months sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2
12 months sober
I am quite open to the people around me about my non drinking but most of these people that I've gathered have only been around for 12 months. They're not people I go out with to see gigs or anything, mainly because I've become a recluse since I've become sober. They're usually just work mates or my ex-girlfriend.
I don't see any of my old friends even though I talk to them on the phone as they are all drinkers.
It's one week away from being 12 months since I've been sober and quite frankly I'm pretty lonely. Lately all I dream about is relapsing and I wake up tired and angry at myself.
I'm still worried that I can't have fun without it even though I know I can. It's tough when the things I like to do are all around bars or places with alcohol. It's hard when the bar tender of the bar you frequent to watch bands asks you every time "beer?" And you have to tell him, no I don't drink anymore and he gives you dirty looks. So I stopped going there.
It's hard when all the people I used to party with were not actually friends but only party friends.
Quite frankly it's tough.
I am proud of myself for making it this far and it's not going to break me either.
I just need to hear others thoughts on how to go about life in the sober world.
Peace out,
Timmy
I don't see any of my old friends even though I talk to them on the phone as they are all drinkers.
It's one week away from being 12 months since I've been sober and quite frankly I'm pretty lonely. Lately all I dream about is relapsing and I wake up tired and angry at myself.
I'm still worried that I can't have fun without it even though I know I can. It's tough when the things I like to do are all around bars or places with alcohol. It's hard when the bar tender of the bar you frequent to watch bands asks you every time "beer?" And you have to tell him, no I don't drink anymore and he gives you dirty looks. So I stopped going there.
It's hard when all the people I used to party with were not actually friends but only party friends.
Quite frankly it's tough.
I am proud of myself for making it this far and it's not going to break me either.
I just need to hear others thoughts on how to go about life in the sober world.
Peace out,
Timmy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, GF.
Welcome to SR.
Congratulations on your sober time. That is seriously great!
It is hard to change things up with friends, especially when you realize that they were more drinking buddies than friends.
There are ways to get out there and meet different people.
I recommend volunteering at something you would enjoy.
Also, be open and patient. Things will break your way in time.
Welcome to SR.
Congratulations on your sober time. That is seriously great!
It is hard to change things up with friends, especially when you realize that they were more drinking buddies than friends.
There are ways to get out there and meet different people.
I recommend volunteering at something you would enjoy.
Also, be open and patient. Things will break your way in time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 157
Big congratulations on getting this far. I'm just approaching 11 weeks sober. I have been doing quite well but can really relate to what you are saying.
Some "friends" were just drinking buddies and I'm not to fussed if I ever see them again as the more sober time I have I realise the only thing we had in common was getting wasted. In fact have not heard from any of them since I quit.
True friends will understand you not drinking, You will probably be surprised at their reaction.
Keep it up and just take it a day at a time. I occasionally start thinking about "what will I do xmass day with no alcohol" or at a wedding or party. Well I have just got through most of the summer and holiday weekend something I have never done and all though life's not perfect it's a hell of a lot better than previous years.
Stay sober today for yourself and hopefully it will all work out. I think of it as a journey of discovery and the longer we stay sober the better it will get.
As for the dreams I have only had a couple but I was so relieved when I woke up. This actually helped me as I never want to wake up with that dread and shame again.
Stay safe and well done👍
Some "friends" were just drinking buddies and I'm not to fussed if I ever see them again as the more sober time I have I realise the only thing we had in common was getting wasted. In fact have not heard from any of them since I quit.
True friends will understand you not drinking, You will probably be surprised at their reaction.
Keep it up and just take it a day at a time. I occasionally start thinking about "what will I do xmass day with no alcohol" or at a wedding or party. Well I have just got through most of the summer and holiday weekend something I have never done and all though life's not perfect it's a hell of a lot better than previous years.
Stay sober today for yourself and hopefully it will all work out. I think of it as a journey of discovery and the longer we stay sober the better it will get.
As for the dreams I have only had a couple but I was so relieved when I woke up. This actually helped me as I never want to wake up with that dread and shame again.
Stay safe and well done👍
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I know exactly what you're talking about. My BF is out again drinking with the crew that I used to drink with too. I'm always invited but I have no interest in hanging out while everyone sits around drinking...... I'm not tempted to drink, I just don't want to be a part of it.
I've developed new interests although they are mostly solitary activities. I keep saying I'm going to get back out there and join some kind of group or class or something ....... but I haven't actually done it, yet. What I'm beginning to see though is that it's not going to happen on its own, I'm going to have to actually do something about it if I don't want to keep hanging out alone at home on a Friday night posting on a recovery forum haha.
Have you thought about what you could do to form new friendships?
I've developed new interests although they are mostly solitary activities. I keep saying I'm going to get back out there and join some kind of group or class or something ....... but I haven't actually done it, yet. What I'm beginning to see though is that it's not going to happen on its own, I'm going to have to actually do something about it if I don't want to keep hanging out alone at home on a Friday night posting on a recovery forum haha.
Have you thought about what you could do to form new friendships?
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Hi, it's hard when you realize all your mates where just drinking buddies and you feel all alone. Do you have any passions or hobbies you want to try? Sitting alone is only going to make you feel bad. Try to find something else to do that doesn't involve drinking. You may have to try a few before you find something that clicks. I was a long time daily drinker and there were things that I totally let go by the wayside. I've picked them back up and now I have a purpose in my life. It helps to have goals and dreams that are now possible when not drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
HI and welcome Timmy 
I lost a lot of drinking buddies where the only connection was drinking - but I gained a lot more new friends, and old friends who'd drifted away cos my life was all about drinking.
It's all about building a sober life you love -what do you want your life to be like? You can make it that way
recovery isn't about sitting at home and doing nothing
D
I lost a lot of drinking buddies where the only connection was drinking - but I gained a lot more new friends, and old friends who'd drifted away cos my life was all about drinking.
It's all about building a sober life you love -what do you want your life to be like? You can make it that way
recovery isn't about sitting at home and doing nothing
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Glad you found us.
I think it does tend to take a little while to make new sober friends.
As far as going to gigs - is it worth checking to see if there are any 'MeetUp' groups near you. (I looked up near me and was amazed that this had all been happening without me realising. I so, you can join and post your own suggestions.)
A lot of my sober friends I met through AA - again, those friendships didn't blossom overnight though. I think we're naturally more reticent and careful about getting involved with them when we're sober. It's not necessarily a bad thing at times. Nowadays when I meet some people I considered 'good' friends back in my drinking days I am amazed all over again at my lack of discernment and principles back then, and some of my choices of 'friends'. Anyway - some of the people I have met in AA I have since been on holidays with, out for meals, for days out, spent Christmas day with.... all sorts.
Volunteering was mentioned above, and it's something that I have found really positive as well. Not (for me anyway - because of time) ongoing weekly commitments, buthelping out at community events. Firework night, the Christmas lights (I got to be the donkey lady lol), marshalling for a local running club at their big annual event so a runner would be freed up to join in the running. If you like music / gigs (just that you mentioned that) a lot of festivals and events rely heavily on volunteers.
And then, just trying different clubs and groups in my local area. That's been hit and miss. Some things I thought I'd love were a bit mneghh. Some things I thought I wouldn't enjoy so much were great. The public library is often a good place to go and find out what's happening - I just take photos of the posters with my phone so I don't lose the details of things I might give a go.
There are lots of ways to get to know people. Why not choose one thing to try today?
Anyway - again, welcome.
Wishing you all the best for your continued sobriety and deepening recovery. BB
I think it does tend to take a little while to make new sober friends.
As far as going to gigs - is it worth checking to see if there are any 'MeetUp' groups near you. (I looked up near me and was amazed that this had all been happening without me realising. I so, you can join and post your own suggestions.)
A lot of my sober friends I met through AA - again, those friendships didn't blossom overnight though. I think we're naturally more reticent and careful about getting involved with them when we're sober. It's not necessarily a bad thing at times. Nowadays when I meet some people I considered 'good' friends back in my drinking days I am amazed all over again at my lack of discernment and principles back then, and some of my choices of 'friends'. Anyway - some of the people I have met in AA I have since been on holidays with, out for meals, for days out, spent Christmas day with.... all sorts.
Volunteering was mentioned above, and it's something that I have found really positive as well. Not (for me anyway - because of time) ongoing weekly commitments, buthelping out at community events. Firework night, the Christmas lights (I got to be the donkey lady lol), marshalling for a local running club at their big annual event so a runner would be freed up to join in the running. If you like music / gigs (just that you mentioned that) a lot of festivals and events rely heavily on volunteers.
And then, just trying different clubs and groups in my local area. That's been hit and miss. Some things I thought I'd love were a bit mneghh. Some things I thought I wouldn't enjoy so much were great. The public library is often a good place to go and find out what's happening - I just take photos of the posters with my phone so I don't lose the details of things I might give a go.
There are lots of ways to get to know people. Why not choose one thing to try today?
Anyway - again, welcome.
Wishing you all the best for your continued sobriety and deepening recovery. BB
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,662
Hi Timmy, congratulations on 12 months sober.
There really is life after alcohol, I didn't think so as my life revolved around booze.
being around drunk people isn't a pleasure for me anymore.
The world is your oyster and there's a lot out there to discover, sober.
There really is life after alcohol, I didn't think so as my life revolved around booze.
being around drunk people isn't a pleasure for me anymore.
The world is your oyster and there's a lot out there to discover, sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 753
12 months is brilliant ! Well done :-)
There not really proper friends if everything revolves around drinking and your doing yourself a massive favour not getting back on that train again
How about a activity ? I have taken up road cycling ..I'm quite reserved at making new friends but this has got me out , doing something I enjoy and keeping me fit ...and just lately going out with a few people I met while biking for a group ride
Your doing brilliant - just need to drag yourself out of rut
There not really proper friends if everything revolves around drinking and your doing yourself a massive favour not getting back on that train again
How about a activity ? I have taken up road cycling ..I'm quite reserved at making new friends but this has got me out , doing something I enjoy and keeping me fit ...and just lately going out with a few people I met while biking for a group ride
Your doing brilliant - just need to drag yourself out of rut
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 145
Way to go on 12 months. I really have no advice, as I am in the exact same boat you are in (I am 7 months in). I've been trying to explain to people that quitting has been the easy part. It's figuring out who I am without alcohol that is the hard part, as where I live is pretty much a beach town that revolves life around alcohol. Not to mention I'm very much an introvert in and of itself.
I feel your pain. Hopefully we can both figure this out soon.
I feel your pain. Hopefully we can both figure this out soon.
Maladaptive
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East coast, USA
Posts: 558
Great job! It's sad to losing "friends" but actually in my view, most people are there for a certain phase of life, while the roads are connected. Now you're on a different road. Time to find new exciting friends on that path! Don't be a recluse if you don't want! There are lots of fun cool sober people to enjoy new hobbies with!
Congrats on your success!
Congrats on your success!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2
12 months today!!!
Thanks for all the positive feedback. I've had a pretty up and down week. But today is the day. 12 months since my last drink and I've been happier for myself today on this milestone than I've been for any one of my birthdays.
I really appreciate everyone commenting here, you're all wonderful.
Peace ✌🏻
Timmy.
I really appreciate everyone commenting here, you're all wonderful.
Peace ✌🏻
Timmy.
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