OpheliaKatz

Do you pray? Because I need prayers. And hugs.

Those of you who have read my previous posts, which I have had to get deleted for important reasons, know my story. I have freshly gone "no contact", but my addict is trying to draw me back in through the courts. I now have to be exposed to my addict against my will. I also have to go over our history, against my will.

I am struggling with myself, now that I've been forced to remember the good times -- they were few, but those years were there and there was a lot of love. In retrospect it was probably a miracle that there was a sweet spot between my addict's active addictions.

Most of all, I mourn the loss of time and the companionship I thought I had but have not had for years now. I keep wishing I could rewind back to the good times and freeze time, never get older, never feel sad. Also, I would like that pot at the end of the rainbow. Yeah, I know, right? Dumb.

hopeful4

OK....I am so sorry you are having to do this. However, you have to move forward and go through hard things to get to an end w/the courts.

I am to a place that there are times that I look back at my XAH and remember that there were good times. I appreciate those, but I also look at who he is now/and had become, and remember just how much hurt it caused me and my children.

It's never dumb to want the pot at the end of the rainbow, but it is wise to see what situations are not condusive to that for you.

Huge hugs friend.

PuzzledHeart

Not dumb, just human. Most of us want to go back to happier times when we are at our lowest.

I'm going to give you the biggest, warmest internet hug I possibly can.

Ann

Can you do this through your lawyers? That way you can remain no contact and just let the lawyers communicate for both of you. Your lawyer will also let you know your rights and ensure that there is no bullying or harassment on his part.

You have my prayers and hugs both.

OpheliaKatz

Yes, the being dragged back into court happened through lawyer mediation. I just Pm'd you. Ann, thanks for the prayers. Sometimes I feel this is enough to make me go fully "Into the Wild" to get away from it all.