Hamster or Gerbil?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
Hamster or Gerbil?
Tomorrow has to be day 1 because I think I'm going to die. The only reason I'm posting this is to lay something down as some kind of testament. I've written a note for myself for the morning for when I go to work. I always work in this state. I'm drunk now - 3 bottles of wine - but I function. I'm still clear. I know that's not normal but I carry on like that.
I know work's not the most important thing. They know I'm wierd and they know I drink but they don't seem to equate it to my poor work performance. I'm judged like everyone else.
I just want to record something here that I must not drink tomorrow. Tomorrow has to be day 1. I went down to London over the past few days. I was sober on Sunday to help my friend who was complaining about his own problems. I couldn't stand it. I drank so much after my break.
Anyway, love to all. I honestly just wanted to say now that I'm not drinking now as some kind of grand statement . I know it's not relevent to you but the idea of saying I need to stop is important to me. Definitive: I will stop henceforth.
I'm really finished. We're all on the precipice though aren't we? I haven't got anything to escape to. I'll just stop drinking and then be some middle aged man who has even less chances of meeting someone who might make life beareble .
That doesn't matter I suppose.
Sorry for all. But you know that the merest mention of drinking plants a thought that grinds into you. You might stand against it but it's wearing your clothes. It's you impersonating yourself.
I know work's not the most important thing. They know I'm wierd and they know I drink but they don't seem to equate it to my poor work performance. I'm judged like everyone else.
I just want to record something here that I must not drink tomorrow. Tomorrow has to be day 1. I went down to London over the past few days. I was sober on Sunday to help my friend who was complaining about his own problems. I couldn't stand it. I drank so much after my break.
Anyway, love to all. I honestly just wanted to say now that I'm not drinking now as some kind of grand statement . I know it's not relevent to you but the idea of saying I need to stop is important to me. Definitive: I will stop henceforth.
I'm really finished. We're all on the precipice though aren't we? I haven't got anything to escape to. I'll just stop drinking and then be some middle aged man who has even less chances of meeting someone who might make life beareble .
That doesn't matter I suppose.
Sorry for all. But you know that the merest mention of drinking plants a thought that grinds into you. You might stand against it but it's wearing your clothes. It's you impersonating yourself.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
You know what life is like drinking.
You don't know what life is like sober. A few days or weeks or even months not drinking isn't enough to know.
What have you got to lose by trying another way?
I read this over and over in the early days...
Mummy was a Secret Drinker: The Obstacle Course
Sending you a hug.
You don't know what life is like sober. A few days or weeks or even months not drinking isn't enough to know.
What have you got to lose by trying another way?
I read this over and over in the early days...
Mummy was a Secret Drinker: The Obstacle Course
Sending you a hug.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I used to work drunk and that was normal,until it wasn't normal and my work suffered. In my mind I was "doing even BETTER" at work,but that's not what others witnessed or my numbers tell me. After 9 months, it's no secret to my clients,friends/family what I realized and what I'm doing. There was 'talk' at my party last weekend about my not drinking and I'm happy to say the "reviews" are great! Hang in there and get back to working on your sobriety plan. Dump the booze out now though.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by taplow 
Sorry for all. But you know that the merest mention of drinking plants a thought that grinds into you. You might stand against it but it's wearing your clothes. It's you impersonating yourself.
but not me. i dont have untreated alcoholism and the mention of drinking doesnt bother me. it doesnt grind at me nor is it wearing my clothes or impersonating me,whatever that means.
because i got serious about the untreated alcoholism. i stopped the ramblings thinking im some poetic marvel saying something new and admitted i didnt know jack *** about jack ****
then got some humility to learn-not learn about jack ***, but how to live without alcohol.
hope you have that humility tomorrow.its a life giver
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back taplow. I do hope for your sake that you can stop tomorrow. I can't even count how many times I promise myself I would, but I never did. There's always an excuse to keep drinking just one more day. I wasn't able to quit until I did it NOW. I hope you can too before it gets really bad.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Taplow,
Please come back and tell us how you are doing. There absolutely is hope. You can have a better life. You can find love. You deserve better than this, and it can start now. You have the power to choose. Choose better.
We are here to help.
Hugs to you.
Please come back and tell us how you are doing. There absolutely is hope. You can have a better life. You can find love. You deserve better than this, and it can start now. You have the power to choose. Choose better.
We are here to help.
Hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Good morning taplow. It's pretty early here in the UK (my clock says 05.45) but I'm just popping in to say today is your day! Functioning (or just about coping) through the chaos of active alcoholism is an awful existence. Honestly living sober is soooooo much more real and true and honest and peaceful and lots lots more!
Grab your day 1 my friend! ❤❤❤
Grab your day 1 my friend! ❤❤❤
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Originally Posted by Ariesagain
You know what life is like drinking.
You don't know what life is like sober. A few days or weeks or even months not drinking isn't enough to know.
What have you got to lose by trying another way?
I read this over and over in the early days...
Mummy was a Secret Drinker: The Obstacle Course
Sending you a hug.
You don't know what life is like sober. A few days or weeks or even months not drinking isn't enough to know.
What have you got to lose by trying another way?
I read this over and over in the early days...
Mummy was a Secret Drinker: The Obstacle Course
Sending you a hug.
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