I'm here
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
when so many people dont make it back, its good to see ya made it back.
i hope your sick and tired of the viscious cycle. i hope you WANT to be sober and are WILLING to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol.
i hope your sick and tired of the viscious cycle. i hope you WANT to be sober and are WILLING to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 184
I'm back
It's been a while since I've been here. And as the story goes it only gets worse over time. I'm a full on alcoholic now I have no personal goals, I don't enjoy life, I don't enjoy friends or events...I'm miserable. I can't complete simple tasks...I'm untrustworthy and wishy-washy all the time, and I can't function without alcohol in my life. Yes, I may do a 10 hour shift, but I'm never far from thinking of picking up the next bottle. And when I say bottle, I mean a handle. Two a week. One to get me through the weekdays and one for the weekend. It's sickening to think about it and how much I consume. Most times it's even sickening to drink it now, yet I continue. Right now I just want to pass out and go to bed even though it's 6:30 pm. But I felt the need to get on here and type.. drink a gatorade, and consider how I'm killing myself at 38 years old. NO ONE NORMAL DRINKS LIKE THIS! IT"S INSANE. My friend complains about her husband spending $380 a month on alcohol. Meanwhile, I'm spending $90 a week, so do the math. Every weekend I tell myself that next week will be different. Yes today is Monday and I've failed. Tomorrow is a new day. If I don't stop drinking I will die early and I know this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
You sound a lot like I did just before I quit. I had to set a date and think about it every day till it got here. It wasn't easy and I still have moments but they have gotten fewer and easier and I can't believe how much better I feel. I hope you find a way!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,668
B/og- welcome. Alcohol addiction is horrible. In the end, for me- I was it's slave. I stopped because I did die and was way close to a repeat performance.
The misery, sadness and isolation I had...I did not want to die- but I forgot how to live.
The first thing, I think you need to do is get help- by way of seeing a doc, then regular support- by going to meetings, seeing a counselor on a regular basis and making a plan for long term sobriety. Luck and willpower did not work for me without help. There is a lot of info in the Sticky's on lots of stuff- including plans, boredom, relapses.....
Having a routine helps- think of ways to fill your day but include stuff like showering, washing clothes, cleaning the home, shopping. A good dIet is essential. As is lots of water (not only coffee). I use SR a lot at night. Try to put as much effort into recovery as would be spent on the whole ritual of drinking.
And HALTS- if you feel Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired/Thirsty or Sad/Stressed...fix it, or work out a way with help to fix it.
You are not alone, but the only person who can MAKE you stop drinking and put in the work for a better life- is YOU.
Empathy and support to you.
The misery, sadness and isolation I had...I did not want to die- but I forgot how to live.
The first thing, I think you need to do is get help- by way of seeing a doc, then regular support- by going to meetings, seeing a counselor on a regular basis and making a plan for long term sobriety. Luck and willpower did not work for me without help. There is a lot of info in the Sticky's on lots of stuff- including plans, boredom, relapses.....
Having a routine helps- think of ways to fill your day but include stuff like showering, washing clothes, cleaning the home, shopping. A good dIet is essential. As is lots of water (not only coffee). I use SR a lot at night. Try to put as much effort into recovery as would be spent on the whole ritual of drinking.
And HALTS- if you feel Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired/Thirsty or Sad/Stressed...fix it, or work out a way with help to fix it.
You are not alone, but the only person who can MAKE you stop drinking and put in the work for a better life- is YOU.
Empathy and support to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 184
It's just crazy to think that I've done absolutely nothing today, except drink on my days off. I even woke up at 8am today, had some coffee and made a list of things to do. I'm not trashed but somehow the last 9 or so hours have gone by the wayside. An entire day wasted, literally. It's become worse in the last three years. What the heck did I do today? Nothing. How does a person fill their day with Nothing?
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I remember you blackoutgirl. I found you to be quite an interesting, intellegent and thoughtful individual. You have a lot to offer the world once you get that monkey off your back.
Go see a doctor and detox with their supervision. You are drinking far too much to safely stop without help. Get it. Then begin on a new road.
All the best to you.
Go see a doctor and detox with their supervision. You are drinking far too much to safely stop without help. Get it. Then begin on a new road.
All the best to you.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Welcome back, blackoutgirl. I am recently returned myself and at just one week in, after doing the things Phoenix suggested to you, I felt enormously better - not only physically, but also way less down on myself. You did the right thing coming back.
The only additional thing I would suggest is that in addition to thinking about filling your time, actually write down a schedule the night before to literally keep you busy doing something from morning til night. Then follow the schedule! Put stuff on there you know for sure you will do anyhow - it's so gratifying to cross things off a list!
The only additional thing I would suggest is that in addition to thinking about filling your time, actually write down a schedule the night before to literally keep you busy doing something from morning til night. Then follow the schedule! Put stuff on there you know for sure you will do anyhow - it's so gratifying to cross things off a list!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Hi blackout girl, I also blacked out way too many times to count.
Got to a stage where I felt utterly helpless in trying to stop with just will power. So I went to inpatient treatment for 3 weeks. Wish I had done it years earlier.
I hope you find the help you need to get off the roller coaster of alcohol hell xx
Got to a stage where I felt utterly helpless in trying to stop with just will power. So I went to inpatient treatment for 3 weeks. Wish I had done it years earlier.
I hope you find the help you need to get off the roller coaster of alcohol hell xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Welcome back! I hope you will be checking in tomorrow as your Day One, ready to start a positive new journey.
Phoenix's post has some great ideas for where to start. I think many of us found ourselves feeling exactly like you do now, but it really does get better. It took me a while to final,y get sobriety right, and I am two days away from 20 months sober. Logging into SR and reading and posting daily has been my biggest support.
You should join us in the 24 hour thread, it is a great place to get daily support, find an incredible group of people, and commit to the next 24 hours sober. Also, the monthly classes are a great way to connect with people who are committing or recommitting to sobriety this month, you can pop into the August class, and also join September once Dee starts the thread to really find a solid support group.
You can do this, the first few days are tough, but then it starts to get a little easier each day. Life still happens, and you will need to deal with difficult situations, but you will develop a new way to cope.
Looking forward to seeing you on here tomorrow!
Phoenix's post has some great ideas for where to start. I think many of us found ourselves feeling exactly like you do now, but it really does get better. It took me a while to final,y get sobriety right, and I am two days away from 20 months sober. Logging into SR and reading and posting daily has been my biggest support.
You should join us in the 24 hour thread, it is a great place to get daily support, find an incredible group of people, and commit to the next 24 hours sober. Also, the monthly classes are a great way to connect with people who are committing or recommitting to sobriety this month, you can pop into the August class, and also join September once Dee starts the thread to really find a solid support group.
You can do this, the first few days are tough, but then it starts to get a little easier each day. Life still happens, and you will need to deal with difficult situations, but you will develop a new way to cope.
Looking forward to seeing you on here tomorrow!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Welcome back 
I can relate, had 3 1/2 years sober then picked up last year and it's got steadily worse to the point I'm drinking every night (day) getting earlier and just cant go on like this anymore. This is the best place to be for us - hope you stick around.
I can relate, had 3 1/2 years sober then picked up last year and it's got steadily worse to the point I'm drinking every night (day) getting earlier and just cant go on like this anymore. This is the best place to be for us - hope you stick around.
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