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Day 9 and going on holiday

Old 08-28-2017, 01:26 AM
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Day 9 and going on holiday

Hi Everyone,
I just thought I would check in this morning. Day 9 now sober. It seems to be OK though once it hits 5pm I'm stuggling with the 'AV' gremlin in my head. I have started speaking to him though and suggesting he vacate the premises! It's incredible how subtle that voice can be. I spent a while yesterday thinking about the other drugs I used to do in my 20's and maybe it would be Ok to do a bit of that every now and again, y'a know, just for fun?! Lucking I know that is all bull but it freaked me out that in stopping one thing that gremlin is popping up suggesting other things.
I'm heading on a holiday to visit family today (the timing feels awful). Here in Scotland everyone drinks and most gatherings involve drinking. I can't cancel as I would let so many people down. I'm tempted just to out myself and say 'I'm an alcoholic and I don't drink' but I'm not sure I have the courage yet. I think a lot of walking and early nights. Any tips on handling this would be very much appreciated. Gabe
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Old 08-28-2017, 01:36 AM
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Send your family an email or text in advance. That's what I did (email). Say in the email that you are an alcoholic but have only recently stopped drinking so you are not ready to discuss this face to face with any of them so please would they not bring this up and not question why you are drinking soft drinks only.
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Old 08-28-2017, 01:42 AM
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It's noble of you to want to go as to not let people down - but won't you let at least some of them down by drinking and getting messy?

even more importantly won't you be letting yourself down?

I think it is terrible timing especially as you're admitting to being a bit wobbly right now and you're going to be around heavy drinkers.

Still the task is not impossible and I wish you the best - some tips here.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html

Forget the moderation nonsense. Thats for other people.

Remember - it's the first drink that does all the damage, not the last.

It might just been one drink now but it could mean the start of a years long binge too.

I took one night off not drinking in 2004 - didn't get sober again til 2007.

There really is a lot at stake. Make good choices Gabe

D

ps there's no need to detail the ins and outs of your struggle. The correct response to do you want a drink is no thanks - thats all anyone needs to know.

If they push it, tell them you're allergic & you break out in handcuffs or something
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Old 08-28-2017, 01:45 AM
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I think what decchemist has said is a great idea hun
Their youre family and they love you,and surely they will want to support you all the way..sometimes honesty really is the best policy,good on you for being 9 days sober too.massive acheivment!! Hope it all goes well for you hun x
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Old 08-28-2017, 01:50 AM
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Thank you, that's good advice. I really wish I could cancel but I just can't. It would cause world war 3! I have been around them when I was sober for a few months in my early 30's and I survived. I've already messaged a friend I am staying with tonight and tomorrow to let her know I'm not drinking. I'll come on here everyday and post before I go to bed so I think that will help too. It's horrible timing but I'm hoping to turn it into postive and at least get some time away to solidify my committment. I may just end up saying that I'm up for day time activites but when they are socialising at night then I'm off.
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Old 08-28-2017, 01:52 AM
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Thank you Empathic1, I'm sure some of my family might not be too surprised at all. It's been coming for a long time. They do love me and I know if I am brave enough to share what I am doing with some of them (not all) they will support me.
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Old 08-28-2017, 02:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Gabe1980 View Post
Thank you Empathic1, I'm sure some of my family might not be too surprised at all. It's been coming for a long time. They do love me and I know if I am brave enough to share what I am doing with some of them (not all) they will support me.
Thats brilliant that you have the support of a loving family,and its great that your already thinking ahead about how your going to stay strong and sober in what id imagine very testing grounds..you clearly want to stay sober imagine how good it will feel to come home after your holiday and being able to say "I did it"
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Old 08-28-2017, 03:54 AM
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Welcome, Gabe. And- I really strongly echo what Dee said. To be even more blunt- I would not go. My sobriety is the single most important thing in my life- more than even, say, my fiance. And- one BIG lesson I have learned is that the world - our families, nothing- simply does not revolve around us and we NEVER have the impact we imagine, to the degree we imagine it- or if we do (or people make us feel like it) , I have learned that it is THEIR problem- not mine.

Again....what Dee said.

Best to you for good decisions for your sobriety. Hope to see you here- often, and if you do go on this vacation- and still sober.
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Old 08-28-2017, 04:02 AM
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I agree with Dee too.

Perhaps you could frame it this way: if you were sick with, say, pneumonia, would your family expect you to be in attendance? No!

You have a life or death illness. It deserves the same amount of care as a bout of pneumonia or any other serious illness. Take care of yourself.
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Old 08-28-2017, 05:46 AM
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Thanks folks. Ive just read these but Im checked in at the airport now. Ive sent messages to everyone telling them Im not drinking and Ive booked a hotel so I can miss the 'main event' which is tonight. I feel its the best I can do. There is another get together on Saturday Ive already said Im not going to. I determined and I think this will be enough. Thanks gor all your advice. Gabe xx
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Old 08-28-2017, 05:51 AM
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Safe travels! Remember you can leave any situation at any time (even if it's just to take a walk) if you start feeling wobbly.

You'll be fine! Hope you have fun
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Old 08-28-2017, 05:55 AM
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Excellent work, Gabe!

If it were me I'd have gone too. You have made very sensible plans and will return home having not drunk alcohol. It may be early days but you know you can be strong!
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Old 08-28-2017, 06:01 AM
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You guys are awesome!!
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Old 08-28-2017, 06:06 AM
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100% agree with Dee. Stay strong and have a wonderful holiday!
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Old 08-29-2017, 08:34 AM
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Any update on how it's going? Good or bad?
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Old 08-29-2017, 11:19 AM
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Hi Everyone. Better than expected. First night was fine with very few drinking and nobody was excessive. Spoke to my sister who is staying sober with me throughout the week cause she has not been feeling great. It all feels far more manageable than I was expecting but I'm being really careful. Have been reading still throughout the day.
Strange thing though - woke up with a heavy cold this morning. Usually trigger for me as I tend to drink slot of whiskey with the cold (madness I know) but I'm a wee bit baffled by the lack of cravings. I always find being ill hard but I'm still stuck in the events of last weekend. Have felt quite paranoid about the damage I've done but have made a conscious decision to let it pass over and take the best I can from this trip. I hope you are all doing and thank you for checking in 👫👫
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Old 08-29-2017, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Gabe1980 View Post
I really wish I could cancel but I just can't. It would cause world war 3!
When I hear people saying this, it scares me.

You can cancel and your sobriety is the most important thing here. Being selfish in early recovery is necessary.
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Old 08-29-2017, 11:57 AM
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I know you are right. To be honest, I'm trying to manage so many difficult feelings about myself that managing my families disappointment and disapproval seems harder than toughing it out. Weak maybe but it's truthful.
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Old 08-29-2017, 12:10 PM
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Sounds like you are doing great. Glad to hear you have your sister for support too.
Take care.
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Old 08-29-2017, 12:39 PM
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Gabe, I think as your recovery progresses you'll come to understand that a lot of recovery is just regular life skills, too. Anna sees a lot of people go through here and many of us let others dictate to us how we "should" act and what we do.

The thing that got me into recovery in 1989 was that I was trying to make my mother and my husband happy. I worried about everyone else's feelings - in the meantime I was drinking to cope with their constant disapproval. Nothing I did was good enough for them. One day I just threw up my hands and said, "Ya know what? Both of you can take a flying leap." That was the beginning of my recovery.

Turns out I am in charge of me. Their thoughts/requests/requirements etc. are of no concern to me. They can no longer influence me to do things I feel are not right for me. That led to my being able to stop my people-pleasing behavior in general. It almost cost me my life, and I can't put others before me any more. I can only do me. I try to stay in my own little lane and others can have all the suggestions/requirements/invitations/temptations they want. Not my business.
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