I've messed up a lot
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 2
I've messed up a lot
I'm not even really sure why I am posting here because I am in a job and lifestyle where it would be socially unacceptable not to drink. I would not be able to progress in my career as quickly as my collages if I was known as the guy who dosent drink.
However I have been messing up while drunk alot recently. I was found by a colleague the morning after a binge before I had a chance to clean up - this was embarrassing. I almost missed the transport to my stag party because I was comatosed after a session alone with larger. I bearly remember any of my wedding because I was drunk solidly for the 3 days leading up to the event. And now on my honeymoon after enjoying the "all inclusive" bar a little too much I have got up in the middle of the night and wee wee'd on the floor - my new wife is in a massive huff and refuses to talk to me (she is just right to be like this!).
This is only a recent list of incidents I've had over the past few years, including getting arrested, urinating on strangers, going to sleep in the road in the middle of the day, vomiting on my bosses car etc etc
As I started I need to drink to do well I'm my career, and I love having an evening by myself with a 20 pack of cheap larger and my laptop. I don't really know how I would cope with out booze; I'm scared to go sober!
But again I'm on honeymoon with a wife who refuses to talk to me.
Is it a cliché to think "I don't need to stop completely, I can just cut back - I'm am adult I can manage to control it"
However I have been messing up while drunk alot recently. I was found by a colleague the morning after a binge before I had a chance to clean up - this was embarrassing. I almost missed the transport to my stag party because I was comatosed after a session alone with larger. I bearly remember any of my wedding because I was drunk solidly for the 3 days leading up to the event. And now on my honeymoon after enjoying the "all inclusive" bar a little too much I have got up in the middle of the night and wee wee'd on the floor - my new wife is in a massive huff and refuses to talk to me (she is just right to be like this!).
This is only a recent list of incidents I've had over the past few years, including getting arrested, urinating on strangers, going to sleep in the road in the middle of the day, vomiting on my bosses car etc etc
As I started I need to drink to do well I'm my career, and I love having an evening by myself with a 20 pack of cheap larger and my laptop. I don't really know how I would cope with out booze; I'm scared to go sober!
But again I'm on honeymoon with a wife who refuses to talk to me.
Is it a cliché to think "I don't need to stop completely, I can just cut back - I'm am adult I can manage to control it"
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi John - not sure if it's a cliche but it's pretty common to think that way.
I figure tho, if you start looking for sobriety websites, you've already tried to drink normally and failed?
I'm not sure what line of work you're in, but I felt the same way.
I had to drink to get on in my career, or to relax or to get creative....
Trouble was, I lost that career through drinking anyway. Lost not one but two long term relationships too.
It sounds to me like you've reached the stage where it's more and more impossible to hide your problem.
Got to be honest - if you keep drinking, the only way from there is down.
I thought sober life would be boring and joyless - it's not. Far from it.
It's a million times better than where I used to be
D
I figure tho, if you start looking for sobriety websites, you've already tried to drink normally and failed?
I'm not sure what line of work you're in, but I felt the same way.
I had to drink to get on in my career, or to relax or to get creative....
Trouble was, I lost that career through drinking anyway. Lost not one but two long term relationships too.
It sounds to me like you've reached the stage where it's more and more impossible to hide your problem.
Got to be honest - if you keep drinking, the only way from there is down.
I thought sober life would be boring and joyless - it's not. Far from it.
It's a million times better than where I used to be
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
" I am in a job and lifestyle where it would be socially unacceptable not to drink. I would not be able to progress in my career as quickly as my collages if I was known as the guy who dosent drink."
But you're zipping right up the corporate ladder even though you've thrown up on your bosses car and been found by a colleague the morning after a binge and that was embarassing?
You know what you're going to hear, right? Quit drinking.
Keep reading and posting here - you'll find a lot of help. Posting here very honestly (You couldn't have made that up :-) is a good start.
But you're zipping right up the corporate ladder even though you've thrown up on your bosses car and been found by a colleague the morning after a binge and that was embarassing?
You know what you're going to hear, right? Quit drinking.
Keep reading and posting here - you'll find a lot of help. Posting here very honestly (You couldn't have made that up :-) is a good start.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi John,
I'm glad you are checking in. I think most of us found this site googling problems with alcohol, I know that is how I found it.
I started here in 2012, and made it to about 90 days sober, and then decided that since I was able to stay sober for three months I could have the occasional drink, I was convinced I would be able to moderate my drinking. I spent the next three years alternating between brief periods of sobriety, and periods of attempts of moderation (I failed miserably at these.)
On NYE 2015 as drinking champagne, something clicked and I knew I needed to be done. I stopped before midnight, and have been sober since January 1, 2016. Life has not always been easy during the past 20 months, but I have learned to navigate situations sober. Career wise, I have made advancements that I wouldn't have made if I were still drinking, and I feel physically and mentally better than I have in years.
I'm not sure what your job is, but from your description a live it sounds like alcohol is really negatively impacting your life. Why don't you read around on here, and give sobriety a shot.
I'm glad you are checking in. I think most of us found this site googling problems with alcohol, I know that is how I found it.
I started here in 2012, and made it to about 90 days sober, and then decided that since I was able to stay sober for three months I could have the occasional drink, I was convinced I would be able to moderate my drinking. I spent the next three years alternating between brief periods of sobriety, and periods of attempts of moderation (I failed miserably at these.)
On NYE 2015 as drinking champagne, something clicked and I knew I needed to be done. I stopped before midnight, and have been sober since January 1, 2016. Life has not always been easy during the past 20 months, but I have learned to navigate situations sober. Career wise, I have made advancements that I wouldn't have made if I were still drinking, and I feel physically and mentally better than I have in years.
I'm not sure what your job is, but from your description a live it sounds like alcohol is really negatively impacting your life. Why don't you read around on here, and give sobriety a shot.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 2
I'm in the armed forces; it's seen as "fun" or "banterous" to do silly things like throw up on your bosses car - it just involves an apology letter and a bucket of soapy water in the morning. I think that may be part of my issue; it's not only socially acceptable to be drunk but actually encouraged (not just by peers but by seniors). Now I'm moving into family accommodation to live with my wife rather than in the mess I hope that removes the easiness to drink every night.
Though I'm already thinking about the times when I will be able to sooth my craving for booze being very aware I won't be able to do it at home during the week.
Though I'm already thinking about the times when I will be able to sooth my craving for booze being very aware I won't be able to do it at home during the week.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I know that some military guys party pretty hard but I don't think it's true that you have to drink. But setting that aside for the moment, what good will it be to gain the world but lose yourself and your wife? A career or job is important but it's not the only important thing in your life.
In general terms once you've reached the point where your drinking cannot be controlled it's too late to moderate. I wish that would have sunk into my thick skull fifteen years before it finally did.
It's good to have you with us, John.
In general terms once you've reached the point where your drinking cannot be controlled it's too late to moderate. I wish that would have sunk into my thick skull fifteen years before it finally did.
It's good to have you with us, John.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by JohnS0012 
I'm in the armed forces; it's seen as "fun" or "banterous" to do silly things like throw up on your bosses car -
.
.
how does the boss feel about it? the one whose car ya puked on- does he think its fun,banterous, and silly?
the people paying your wages have no problem with you drinking like that?have you asked them how they feel about it?
the people you are to defend and protect have no problem with your drinking? have you asked them about it?
youre in the military and its unacceptable not to drink? have you asked the people in charge? the ones you dont see- the ones in your countries capitol?
cant believe that, no matter what country youre in.
apparently your wife doesnt feel its too funny and i hope ya stop for your own sake and the sake of your wife.
theres a solution for the drinking.
IF you want to stop drinking for good and are willing to go to any lengths to do so.
and its probably gonna be a bi**h for a while, but you can do it.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
One thing we're good at is rationalizing the irrational. Re-read your post. You just got married and you're already on the verge of losing that. Many of us here have lost relationships directly because of alcohol. It usually just a matter of time. In regards to drinking in the military, I don't agree that to get ahead you need to drink too excess. I have a relative that is very high up in the chain of command and his idea of heavy drinking is two drinks. Maybe at his level things change but I do know he never drank much and he's achieved a lot of success.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I'm not in the armed forces, but know plenty who are.
Most have found that their careeer has been improved by sobriety rather than got worse. My best buddy in AA for one.
As well as our rational thoughts in our head, most alcoholics have the irrational alcoholic voice that does, unfortunately, most of the talking while we're active in our addiction.
It was brilliant at convincing me of all the reasons that I should take a drink:
X Y Z friends would expect me to
its a special occassion
there's nothing to do
I'm stressed
I'm bored
I'm lonely
there's too many people here - a drink will make you more sociable
its saturday - yay
its Friday - yay
its Sunday - better make the most of this, beides it'll help the hangover
its monday - sooooo long til the weekend you poor thing have a drink
I got promoted - yay celebrate
I got sacked - boooo - drown those sorrows
My team won
My team lost
Its my stag do
Its my wedding
I'm going to be a dad
My kid hates me
My wife hates me
My wife's divorcing me
And we could go on forever. If you want an excuse to drink you'll find one.
If you havent already tried cutting down then by all means try that first.
If / when you've tried various combinations of ways to try to cut down you might want to try staying sober, one day at a time, and finding a program of recovery to help you learn to Live sober - enjoy Living, and cope with life on life's terms without alcohol being the main suport strategy. That was what I did in the end, after years messing around trying to find the elusive method for unpickling a cucumber and moderating my drinking.
Congratulations on your wedding. Maybe your marriage be committed, loving and respectful.
BB
Most have found that their careeer has been improved by sobriety rather than got worse. My best buddy in AA for one.
As well as our rational thoughts in our head, most alcoholics have the irrational alcoholic voice that does, unfortunately, most of the talking while we're active in our addiction.
It was brilliant at convincing me of all the reasons that I should take a drink:
X Y Z friends would expect me to
its a special occassion
there's nothing to do
I'm stressed
I'm bored
I'm lonely
there's too many people here - a drink will make you more sociable
its saturday - yay
its Friday - yay
its Sunday - better make the most of this, beides it'll help the hangover
its monday - sooooo long til the weekend you poor thing have a drink
I got promoted - yay celebrate
I got sacked - boooo - drown those sorrows
My team won
My team lost
Its my stag do
Its my wedding
I'm going to be a dad
My kid hates me
My wife hates me
My wife's divorcing me
And we could go on forever. If you want an excuse to drink you'll find one.
If you havent already tried cutting down then by all means try that first.
If / when you've tried various combinations of ways to try to cut down you might want to try staying sober, one day at a time, and finding a program of recovery to help you learn to Live sober - enjoy Living, and cope with life on life's terms without alcohol being the main suport strategy. That was what I did in the end, after years messing around trying to find the elusive method for unpickling a cucumber and moderating my drinking.
Congratulations on your wedding. Maybe your marriage be committed, loving and respectful.
BB
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I think very few people regret quitting drinking, in the long run.
I agree, it's not something that's worth rationalizing, if you value the good things in your life.
I also don't see how it's a requirement of the job, maybe an unspoken one but I doubt that you'd be the first to be able to change that unspoken expectation for yourself, and that it's not ok to be coerced into something like that.
I know of one man in the program who came out of the military with a bad case of alcoholism for various reasons which he could attribute the problem to. They kicked him out- straight to rehab. He went to rehab multiple and played the game, until he ended up living among the rats in a shack with one duffle bag, one chair and nothing and no one in the world except for those few measly things.
Eventually he found his way into the programs and he know has 22 years sober. I don't think he regrets where he was when he started out but is grateful, he is an inspiration in the rooms and a true testiment to no matter how far down you go, you can find your way to a better life.
Alcohol under any circumstances is not worth giving up your life over. But if it teaches you some valuable lessons, like maybe that career is not for you, or to take care of yourself, or to not take things for granted... the suffering you are imposing on yourself can end up being the springboard towards a more fulfilling life, if you choose.
You know I think what's best, for you, we all end up here on this site for a reason. Give yourself a chance. Sobriety is not something you will live to regret.
Good luck!
I agree, it's not something that's worth rationalizing, if you value the good things in your life.
I also don't see how it's a requirement of the job, maybe an unspoken one but I doubt that you'd be the first to be able to change that unspoken expectation for yourself, and that it's not ok to be coerced into something like that.
I know of one man in the program who came out of the military with a bad case of alcoholism for various reasons which he could attribute the problem to. They kicked him out- straight to rehab. He went to rehab multiple and played the game, until he ended up living among the rats in a shack with one duffle bag, one chair and nothing and no one in the world except for those few measly things.
Eventually he found his way into the programs and he know has 22 years sober. I don't think he regrets where he was when he started out but is grateful, he is an inspiration in the rooms and a true testiment to no matter how far down you go, you can find your way to a better life.
Alcohol under any circumstances is not worth giving up your life over. But if it teaches you some valuable lessons, like maybe that career is not for you, or to take care of yourself, or to not take things for granted... the suffering you are imposing on yourself can end up being the springboard towards a more fulfilling life, if you choose.
You know I think what's best, for you, we all end up here on this site for a reason. Give yourself a chance. Sobriety is not something you will live to regret.
Good luck!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR. You're drinking to further your career?
How's this litany of drinking consequences going to help your career. Or your marriage?
Quit now. Never drink again.
Originally Posted by JohnS0012
...getting arrested, urinating on strangers, going to sleep in the road in the middle of the day, vomiting on my bosses car etc etc
Quit now. Never drink again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by JohnS0012
I'm not even really sure why I am posting here because I am in a job and lifestyle where it would be socially unacceptable not to drink. I would not be able to progress in my career as quickly as my collages if I was known as the guy who dosent drink.
However I have been messing up while drunk alot recently. I was found by a colleague the morning after a binge before I had a chance to clean up - this was embarrassing. I almost missed the transport to my stag party because I was comatosed after a session alone with larger. I bearly remember any of my wedding because I was drunk solidly for the 3 days leading up to the event. And now on my honeymoon after enjoying the "all inclusive" bar a little too much I have got up in the middle of the night and wee wee'd on the floor - my new wife is in a massive huff and refuses to talk to me (she is just right to be like this!).
This is only a recent list of incidents I've had over the past few years, including getting arrested, urinating on strangers, going to sleep in the road in the middle of the day, vomiting on my bosses car etc etc
As I started I need to drink to do well I'm my career, and I love having an evening by myself with a 20 pack of cheap larger and my laptop. I don't really know how I would cope with out booze; I'm scared to go sober!
But again I'm on honeymoon with a wife who refuses to talk to me.
Is it a cliché to think "I don't need to stop completely, I can just cut back - I'm am adult I can manage to control it"
However I have been messing up while drunk alot recently. I was found by a colleague the morning after a binge before I had a chance to clean up - this was embarrassing. I almost missed the transport to my stag party because I was comatosed after a session alone with larger. I bearly remember any of my wedding because I was drunk solidly for the 3 days leading up to the event. And now on my honeymoon after enjoying the "all inclusive" bar a little too much I have got up in the middle of the night and wee wee'd on the floor - my new wife is in a massive huff and refuses to talk to me (she is just right to be like this!).
This is only a recent list of incidents I've had over the past few years, including getting arrested, urinating on strangers, going to sleep in the road in the middle of the day, vomiting on my bosses car etc etc
As I started I need to drink to do well I'm my career, and I love having an evening by myself with a 20 pack of cheap larger and my laptop. I don't really know how I would cope with out booze; I'm scared to go sober!
But again I'm on honeymoon with a wife who refuses to talk to me.
Is it a cliché to think "I don't need to stop completely, I can just cut back - I'm am adult I can manage to control it"
Seek help while it can be found. Might be too late before you know it.
M-Bob
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