Hi Everyone! I'm Michael, and I'm an alcoholic.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 2
Hi Everyone! I'm Michael, and I'm an alcoholic.
It felt very good saying that. I was initially going to use a fake name in the title, but the lying needs to stop.
I'm 36 years old, live in NYC, am married with four beautiful children, and the only real problem in my life is my inability to stop drinking.
I had my first drink in high school. I still remember the night like it was yesterday. My schoolfriend got a 375ml bottle of tequila, and after splitting it with him, it hit my strong. I thought it was the greatest feeling in the world. We spent that night just walking the streets of Manhattan and everything was alive to us.
Little did I know that on that day, twenty years ago, I've opened up something that would grow on me. Little by little at first. You ignore it, consider it casual. Everyone around you orders a drink with their meal at a restaurant, and so you try and belong. It's a given during a man's 20s.
My personality is addictive, lacks discipline, and I'm impulsive to boot. That's one dangerous combination when alcohol is thrown into the mix.
And the thing is - I have a great life! I met my wife eleven years ago. We got married next year, and now have four beautiful kids: An 8 year old, 6 year old, 2 year old, and the youngest being a little over 4 months old. I'm self employed, make very good money, and the business practically runs itself. I have NOTHING to complain about! Go figure.
When I put my kids to bed every night, I wonder - will I be there on their wedding day? Will I be there to push my grandchildren down the block in a stroller?
Not if I keep going the way I am. And yet I've found it ever-so-difficult to stop drinking.
I said I'm an alcoholic because the disease is progressive. It grows on you, while splitting your brain in two. One half is reasonable, the other isn't. One half says drink, have fun, you only live once! The other half wakes up the next day and yields days worth of remorse.
My wife isn't aware (to the best of my knowledge) about my drinking habits. She's busy with the admin part of our business, and while she takes care of evening emails, I'll usually excuse myself, saying "I feel like wine tonight". I hit one of the four local liquor stores (we all know the deal here, right? We don't want the locals to know we have a drinking problem, so like a smart farmer, we'll rotate the crops). My favorite is a bottle of red, and along with it I'll pick up a small shot bottle of Jameson. After all, the bottle is for my dinner guests - or so I tell the liquor store guy who knows my family. Or that it's a gift bottle.
When I look back, I realize half the things I've said over the last decade have been a lie. Lie after lie.
Upon exiting the store, I usually drink the shot of Jameson right away, and throw it from the moving car into someone's yard. I am so ashamed of myself. I do it so that I don't have to hide the empty bottle at home. It's bad enough I'll have to hide that empty bottle of red. Driving to a McDonald's parking lot (around the corner) and depositing it in their trash is easy. More lies. My favorite is stuffing an empty bottle in our utility trash can, which is usually full of mowed lawn and leaves.
Aren't we alcoholics ingenious when it comes to hiding our problems? If we only put that much thought and innovation into other things.
I'm not a 10am vodka drinker. I've become a habitual evening drinker. My mother is an alcoholic. A closet alcoholic. She downs a six pack every night. Has done so for decades. She refuses to go do the doctor, because I think she's afraid of what they'll tell her. But I can see her bruising. Her liver has seen better days.
You'd think an alcoholic mother would stop me? Apparently not.
God, I hate this chemical. It's like a demon that's taken possession of you. Worst of all, it's so ingrained in our culture. Every place has a "wine down" night, drinks are served at every party. There's a drink menu at every restaurant, and the first thing every waiter always asks is what will you have to drink? I guess only an alcoholic would assume he's only referring to booze.
I've been able to stop drinking for a few days at a time. Most recently, a month ago, for ten straight day.
It felt so good. I don't know what happened on that 11th day. The possessed part of my mind said "see? you don't have a problem! you can stop anytime you want! so go ahead and enjoy!"
It's like a little monster living in there, and he only comes out during the evenings to play.
I have tried for years to decrease my intake. Like that ever worked for anyone. Once that chemical has cemented the neuron pathways, your brain is hard-wired for it. You're either having those 6+ drinks each night, or none at all. There is no in-between.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling. This is the first time I'm writing this out.
I know I can stop. I've done it before. One tip that's helped me recently is to just "ride out the urge". The urge that usually starts around 6pm and lasts about an hour. If I can get through that, I'm good. I've tried drinking kombucha. It's carbonated, and somewhat bitter (and yucky). It seems to satisfy the mount tingling sensation.
Last year I told myself September 1 would be a hallmark date. That I'd stop, and counting on the calendar would coincide with my sobriety.
Guess how long that lasted?
And here I am, a year later, telling myself the same lies and promises.
Alcohol no longer does for me what it did that night twenty years ago when I first had a sip. Now it's just a form of dependance. Absolute dependance. It does nothing but yield shame and remorse.
I'm not going to make any vows here about yesterday being my last time drinking. I'm not going to promise sobriety. I'll come back here once a full month has passed. Because the last time I was able to abstain for a full month was two years ago.
Wish me luck. If I post here again, it'll be in late September with some goods news. If you never see a post from me again, look for me standing on the side of the road, somewhere, years down the line, with nothing left.
My name is Michael, and I'm an alcoholic.
I'm 36 years old, live in NYC, am married with four beautiful children, and the only real problem in my life is my inability to stop drinking.
I had my first drink in high school. I still remember the night like it was yesterday. My schoolfriend got a 375ml bottle of tequila, and after splitting it with him, it hit my strong. I thought it was the greatest feeling in the world. We spent that night just walking the streets of Manhattan and everything was alive to us.
Little did I know that on that day, twenty years ago, I've opened up something that would grow on me. Little by little at first. You ignore it, consider it casual. Everyone around you orders a drink with their meal at a restaurant, and so you try and belong. It's a given during a man's 20s.
My personality is addictive, lacks discipline, and I'm impulsive to boot. That's one dangerous combination when alcohol is thrown into the mix.
And the thing is - I have a great life! I met my wife eleven years ago. We got married next year, and now have four beautiful kids: An 8 year old, 6 year old, 2 year old, and the youngest being a little over 4 months old. I'm self employed, make very good money, and the business practically runs itself. I have NOTHING to complain about! Go figure.
When I put my kids to bed every night, I wonder - will I be there on their wedding day? Will I be there to push my grandchildren down the block in a stroller?
Not if I keep going the way I am. And yet I've found it ever-so-difficult to stop drinking.
I said I'm an alcoholic because the disease is progressive. It grows on you, while splitting your brain in two. One half is reasonable, the other isn't. One half says drink, have fun, you only live once! The other half wakes up the next day and yields days worth of remorse.
My wife isn't aware (to the best of my knowledge) about my drinking habits. She's busy with the admin part of our business, and while she takes care of evening emails, I'll usually excuse myself, saying "I feel like wine tonight". I hit one of the four local liquor stores (we all know the deal here, right? We don't want the locals to know we have a drinking problem, so like a smart farmer, we'll rotate the crops). My favorite is a bottle of red, and along with it I'll pick up a small shot bottle of Jameson. After all, the bottle is for my dinner guests - or so I tell the liquor store guy who knows my family. Or that it's a gift bottle.
When I look back, I realize half the things I've said over the last decade have been a lie. Lie after lie.
Upon exiting the store, I usually drink the shot of Jameson right away, and throw it from the moving car into someone's yard. I am so ashamed of myself. I do it so that I don't have to hide the empty bottle at home. It's bad enough I'll have to hide that empty bottle of red. Driving to a McDonald's parking lot (around the corner) and depositing it in their trash is easy. More lies. My favorite is stuffing an empty bottle in our utility trash can, which is usually full of mowed lawn and leaves.
Aren't we alcoholics ingenious when it comes to hiding our problems? If we only put that much thought and innovation into other things.
I'm not a 10am vodka drinker. I've become a habitual evening drinker. My mother is an alcoholic. A closet alcoholic. She downs a six pack every night. Has done so for decades. She refuses to go do the doctor, because I think she's afraid of what they'll tell her. But I can see her bruising. Her liver has seen better days.
You'd think an alcoholic mother would stop me? Apparently not.
God, I hate this chemical. It's like a demon that's taken possession of you. Worst of all, it's so ingrained in our culture. Every place has a "wine down" night, drinks are served at every party. There's a drink menu at every restaurant, and the first thing every waiter always asks is what will you have to drink? I guess only an alcoholic would assume he's only referring to booze.
I've been able to stop drinking for a few days at a time. Most recently, a month ago, for ten straight day.
It felt so good. I don't know what happened on that 11th day. The possessed part of my mind said "see? you don't have a problem! you can stop anytime you want! so go ahead and enjoy!"
It's like a little monster living in there, and he only comes out during the evenings to play.
I have tried for years to decrease my intake. Like that ever worked for anyone. Once that chemical has cemented the neuron pathways, your brain is hard-wired for it. You're either having those 6+ drinks each night, or none at all. There is no in-between.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling. This is the first time I'm writing this out.
I know I can stop. I've done it before. One tip that's helped me recently is to just "ride out the urge". The urge that usually starts around 6pm and lasts about an hour. If I can get through that, I'm good. I've tried drinking kombucha. It's carbonated, and somewhat bitter (and yucky). It seems to satisfy the mount tingling sensation.
Last year I told myself September 1 would be a hallmark date. That I'd stop, and counting on the calendar would coincide with my sobriety.
Guess how long that lasted?
And here I am, a year later, telling myself the same lies and promises.
Alcohol no longer does for me what it did that night twenty years ago when I first had a sip. Now it's just a form of dependance. Absolute dependance. It does nothing but yield shame and remorse.
I'm not going to make any vows here about yesterday being my last time drinking. I'm not going to promise sobriety. I'll come back here once a full month has passed. Because the last time I was able to abstain for a full month was two years ago.
Wish me luck. If I post here again, it'll be in late September with some goods news. If you never see a post from me again, look for me standing on the side of the road, somewhere, years down the line, with nothing left.
My name is Michael, and I'm an alcoholic.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome, Michael. You didn't ramble in the least - your story is much the same as mine. Except I didn't have the sense or courage to stop at 36.
I loved it too, right from the beginning. It seemed to be the answer to my shyness & self-consciousness. Little did I know I'd end up dependent on it - doing dangerous & self-destructive things. I was much older than you when I came to SR & found the strength and motivation to stop. That was 10 yrs. ago. I haven't had a drop since.
It sounds like you have a lovely life - you're so self-aware. There's no reason why you can't get free of it & be there at the weddings, proud and strong. Great to meet you.
I loved it too, right from the beginning. It seemed to be the answer to my shyness & self-consciousness. Little did I know I'd end up dependent on it - doing dangerous & self-destructive things. I was much older than you when I came to SR & found the strength and motivation to stop. That was 10 yrs. ago. I haven't had a drop since.
It sounds like you have a lovely life - you're so self-aware. There's no reason why you can't get free of it & be there at the weddings, proud and strong. Great to meet you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
No, I will not wish you luck- I hope you success. That takes work. I go to meetings, see of doc about my physical health and depression and a psychologist to rewire/train my brain to cope with life and work on WHY I drank AND use SR at night to learn and share..
Well done..Micheal - having an awareness of this insidious addiction so early in life is a gift- use it.
Support to you.
Well done..Micheal - having an awareness of this insidious addiction so early in life is a gift- use it.
Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Welcome to SR! I was about your age when I came here and I didn't listen to the advice I was given and slid further into it all. I'm also self employed and do well for myself on that front. I'm also very successful in not being able to put the bottle down for more than a few days and that's why I've not picked it up (for myself) in 9 months. Think about the time/energy/$$ you spend on drinking and thinking about drinking. Also think about what it's like on the other side of that, in all facets of your life. I'm talking about YOU,your wife,kids,family,friends,business,ect.. ALL of your life as you currently know it.
Very good first post by the way! I can tell you really want to stop. Please don't be like me and keep putting it off as life passes you by.
Very good first post by the way! I can tell you really want to stop. Please don't be like me and keep putting it off as life passes you by.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,718
Originally Posted by gfnyc81 
It felt very good saying that. I was initially going to use a fake name in the title, but the lying needs to stop.
I'm 36 years old, live in NYC, am married with four beautiful children, and the only real problem in my life is my inability to stop drinking.
I had my first drink in high school. I still remember the night like it was yesterday. My schoolfriend got a 375ml bottle of tequila, and after splitting it with him, it hit my strong. I thought it was the greatest feeling in the world. We spent that night just walking the streets of Manhattan and everything was alive to us.
Little did I know that on that day, twenty years ago, I've opened up something that would grow on me. Little by little at first. You ignore it, consider it casual. Everyone around you orders a drink with their meal at a restaurant, and so you try and belong. It's a given during a man's 20s.
My personality is addictive, lacks discipline, and I'm impulsive to boot. That's one dangerous combination when alcohol is thrown into the mix.
And the thing is - I have a great life! I met my wife eleven years ago. We got married next year, and now have four beautiful kids: An 8 year old, 6 year old, 2 year old, and the youngest being a little over 4 months old. I'm self employed, make very good money, and the business practically runs itself. I have NOTHING to complain about! Go figure.
When I put my kids to bed every night, I wonder - will I be there on their wedding day? Will I be there to push my grandchildren down the block in a stroller?
Not if I keep going the way I am. And yet I've found it ever-so-difficult to stop drinking.
I said I'm an alcoholic because the disease is progressive. It grows on you, while splitting your brain in two. One half is reasonable, the other isn't. One half says drink, have fun, you only live once! The other half wakes up the next day and yields days worth of remorse.
My wife isn't aware (to the best of my knowledge) about my drinking habits. She's busy with the admin part of our business, and while she takes care of evening emails, I'll usually excuse myself, saying "I feel like wine tonight". I hit one of the four local liquor stores (we all know the deal here, right? We don't want the locals to know we have a drinking problem, so like a smart farmer, we'll rotate the crops). My favorite is a bottle of red, and along with it I'll pick up a small shot bottle of Jameson. After all, the bottle is for my dinner guests - or so I tell the liquor store guy who knows my family. Or that it's a gift bottle.
When I look back, I realize half the things I've said over the last decade have been a lie. Lie after lie.
Upon exiting the store, I usually drink the shot of Jameson right away, and throw it from the moving car into someone's yard. I am so ashamed of myself. I do it so that I don't have to hide the empty bottle at home. It's bad enough I'll have to hide that empty bottle of red. Driving to a McDonald's parking lot (around the corner) and depositing it in their trash is easy. More lies. My favorite is stuffing an empty bottle in our utility trash can, which is usually full of mowed lawn and leaves.
Aren't we alcoholics ingenious when it comes to hiding our problems? If we only put that much thought and innovation into other things.
I'm not a 10am vodka drinker. I've become a habitual evening drinker. My mother is an alcoholic. A closet alcoholic. She downs a six pack every night. Has done so for decades. She refuses to go do the doctor, because I think she's afraid of what they'll tell her. But I can see her bruising. Her liver has seen better days.
You'd think an alcoholic mother would stop me? Apparently not.
God, I hate this chemical. It's like a demon that's taken possession of you. Worst of all, it's so ingrained in our culture. Every place has a "wine down" night, drinks are served at every party. There's a drink menu at every restaurant, and the first thing every waiter always asks is what will you have to drink? I guess only an alcoholic would assume he's only referring to booze.
I've been able to stop drinking for a few days at a time. Most recently, a month ago, for ten straight day.
It felt so good. I don't know what happened on that 11th day. The possessed part of my mind said "see? you don't have a problem! you can stop anytime you want! so go ahead and enjoy!"
It's like a little monster living in there, and he only comes out during the evenings to play.
I have tried for years to decrease my intake. Like that ever worked for anyone. Once that chemical has cemented the neuron pathways, your brain is hard-wired for it. You're either having those 6+ drinks each night, or none at all. There is no in-between.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling. This is the first time I'm writing this out.
I know I can stop. I've done it before. One tip that's helped me recently is to just "ride out the urge". The urge that usually starts around 6pm and lasts about an hour. If I can get through that, I'm good. I've tried drinking kombucha. It's carbonated, and somewhat bitter (and yucky). It seems to satisfy the mount tingling sensation.
Last year I told myself September 1 would be a hallmark date. That I'd stop, and counting on the calendar would coincide with my sobriety.
Guess how long that lasted?
And here I am, a year later, telling myself the same lies and promises.
Alcohol no longer does for me what it did that night twenty years ago when I first had a sip. Now it's just a form of dependance. Absolute dependance. It does nothing but yield shame and remorse.
I'm not going to make any vows here about yesterday being my last time drinking. I'm not going to promise sobriety. I'll come back here once a full month has passed. Because the last time I was able to abstain for a full month was two years ago.
Wish me luck. If I post here again, it'll be in late September with some goods news. If you never see a post from me again, look for me standing on the side of the road, somewhere, years down the line, with nothing left.
My name is Michael, and I'm an alcoholic.
I'm 36 years old, live in NYC, am married with four beautiful children, and the only real problem in my life is my inability to stop drinking.
I had my first drink in high school. I still remember the night like it was yesterday. My schoolfriend got a 375ml bottle of tequila, and after splitting it with him, it hit my strong. I thought it was the greatest feeling in the world. We spent that night just walking the streets of Manhattan and everything was alive to us.
Little did I know that on that day, twenty years ago, I've opened up something that would grow on me. Little by little at first. You ignore it, consider it casual. Everyone around you orders a drink with their meal at a restaurant, and so you try and belong. It's a given during a man's 20s.
My personality is addictive, lacks discipline, and I'm impulsive to boot. That's one dangerous combination when alcohol is thrown into the mix.
And the thing is - I have a great life! I met my wife eleven years ago. We got married next year, and now have four beautiful kids: An 8 year old, 6 year old, 2 year old, and the youngest being a little over 4 months old. I'm self employed, make very good money, and the business practically runs itself. I have NOTHING to complain about! Go figure.
When I put my kids to bed every night, I wonder - will I be there on their wedding day? Will I be there to push my grandchildren down the block in a stroller?
Not if I keep going the way I am. And yet I've found it ever-so-difficult to stop drinking.
I said I'm an alcoholic because the disease is progressive. It grows on you, while splitting your brain in two. One half is reasonable, the other isn't. One half says drink, have fun, you only live once! The other half wakes up the next day and yields days worth of remorse.
My wife isn't aware (to the best of my knowledge) about my drinking habits. She's busy with the admin part of our business, and while she takes care of evening emails, I'll usually excuse myself, saying "I feel like wine tonight". I hit one of the four local liquor stores (we all know the deal here, right? We don't want the locals to know we have a drinking problem, so like a smart farmer, we'll rotate the crops). My favorite is a bottle of red, and along with it I'll pick up a small shot bottle of Jameson. After all, the bottle is for my dinner guests - or so I tell the liquor store guy who knows my family. Or that it's a gift bottle.
When I look back, I realize half the things I've said over the last decade have been a lie. Lie after lie.
Upon exiting the store, I usually drink the shot of Jameson right away, and throw it from the moving car into someone's yard. I am so ashamed of myself. I do it so that I don't have to hide the empty bottle at home. It's bad enough I'll have to hide that empty bottle of red. Driving to a McDonald's parking lot (around the corner) and depositing it in their trash is easy. More lies. My favorite is stuffing an empty bottle in our utility trash can, which is usually full of mowed lawn and leaves.
Aren't we alcoholics ingenious when it comes to hiding our problems? If we only put that much thought and innovation into other things.
I'm not a 10am vodka drinker. I've become a habitual evening drinker. My mother is an alcoholic. A closet alcoholic. She downs a six pack every night. Has done so for decades. She refuses to go do the doctor, because I think she's afraid of what they'll tell her. But I can see her bruising. Her liver has seen better days.
You'd think an alcoholic mother would stop me? Apparently not.
God, I hate this chemical. It's like a demon that's taken possession of you. Worst of all, it's so ingrained in our culture. Every place has a "wine down" night, drinks are served at every party. There's a drink menu at every restaurant, and the first thing every waiter always asks is what will you have to drink? I guess only an alcoholic would assume he's only referring to booze.
I've been able to stop drinking for a few days at a time. Most recently, a month ago, for ten straight day.
It felt so good. I don't know what happened on that 11th day. The possessed part of my mind said "see? you don't have a problem! you can stop anytime you want! so go ahead and enjoy!"
It's like a little monster living in there, and he only comes out during the evenings to play.
I have tried for years to decrease my intake. Like that ever worked for anyone. Once that chemical has cemented the neuron pathways, your brain is hard-wired for it. You're either having those 6+ drinks each night, or none at all. There is no in-between.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling. This is the first time I'm writing this out.
I know I can stop. I've done it before. One tip that's helped me recently is to just "ride out the urge". The urge that usually starts around 6pm and lasts about an hour. If I can get through that, I'm good. I've tried drinking kombucha. It's carbonated, and somewhat bitter (and yucky). It seems to satisfy the mount tingling sensation.
Last year I told myself September 1 would be a hallmark date. That I'd stop, and counting on the calendar would coincide with my sobriety.
Guess how long that lasted?
And here I am, a year later, telling myself the same lies and promises.
Alcohol no longer does for me what it did that night twenty years ago when I first had a sip. Now it's just a form of dependance. Absolute dependance. It does nothing but yield shame and remorse.
I'm not going to make any vows here about yesterday being my last time drinking. I'm not going to promise sobriety. I'll come back here once a full month has passed. Because the last time I was able to abstain for a full month was two years ago.
Wish me luck. If I post here again, it'll be in late September with some goods news. If you never see a post from me again, look for me standing on the side of the road, somewhere, years down the line, with nothing left.
My name is Michael, and I'm an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welcome michael. i read a bit of me in your post.
37 when i got sober, i was about 13 when i took my 1st drink-me and some friends were out at night walkin the streets of metro detroit and everything was exilirating.
eventually alcohol turned on me- i crossed the line into alcoholism.
the giggles were gone.then i went to AA. worked the program, recovered from alcoholism, and was given a pretty good life.
sooooo, on this:
"I'll come back here once a full month has passed."
why? are you feeling terminally unique and a better alcoholic because ya didnt drink in the morning and only drank wine and a little shot? ya think because ya only drank wine at night you can lick this when youve already proven ya cant?
michael, its your life, but i dont think your wife and kids deserve someone in their life playin with fire. they dont deserve to watch someone playin russian roullette.
quit payin games- read around here and keep posting,too
37 when i got sober, i was about 13 when i took my 1st drink-me and some friends were out at night walkin the streets of metro detroit and everything was exilirating.
eventually alcohol turned on me- i crossed the line into alcoholism.
the giggles were gone.then i went to AA. worked the program, recovered from alcoholism, and was given a pretty good life.
sooooo, on this:
"I'll come back here once a full month has passed."
why? are you feeling terminally unique and a better alcoholic because ya didnt drink in the morning and only drank wine and a little shot? ya think because ya only drank wine at night you can lick this when youve already proven ya cant?
michael, its your life, but i dont think your wife and kids deserve someone in their life playin with fire. they dont deserve to watch someone playin russian roullette.
quit payin games- read around here and keep posting,too
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by gfnyc81
Wish me luck. If I post here again, it'll be in late September with some goods news. If you never see a post from me again, look for me standing on the side of the road, somewhere, years down the line, with nothing left.
A lot. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.
This has all the hallmarks of a "one and done" post. But you can change that. Post later today. Read your replies. Respond. Then come back tomorrow, with whatever struggle you are dealing with, issue, or anxiety. Come back for reassurance that things get better.
But come back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Ireland, cork
Posts: 42
Hi Michael, great post man, can relate to all of it, our stories are simila, I'm 35 and have a baby, went through my 20s enjoying booze but the last 5 years was deppresiv drinking, peeping out the window with a beer in hand, I'm 35 now and went to a treatment centre 6 months ago, didn't look back since, I'm not saying you need to do the treatment thing just that it worked for me when nothing else did, I would advise you to get to as many meetings as possible one a day if you can and go in with an open mind though, you are in touch with your feelings which is a good thing, I didn't know my arse from my elbow 6 months ago, just one day at a time, you can do it, best of luck on your journey man
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
Michael - that was a very compelling read and I thank you so much for sharing. You know that you need to quit drinking and I believe, with some determination, you will succeed. Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 132
Hi Michael,
Please stick around.
You have no idea how supportive these people are.
This site helped me out so much my first few weeks of sobriety.
It was a lifeline.
I hope you decide to visit often and ramble away!!
Please stick around.
You have no idea how supportive these people are.
This site helped me out so much my first few weeks of sobriety.
It was a lifeline.
I hope you decide to visit often and ramble away!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 2
Hi Everyone,
It's nice to be back here (the forums). Thanks to everyone for their supportive and insightful messages. To those who recommended I visit more frequently, here's the truth: This was more about proving something to myself without the aid of others. Why? I suppose I wanted to test my inner strength. In all honesty, I didn't even want to think about alcohol during this test period, let alone read about it. I know it sounds selfish, but I'm happy to say it's worked.
The first few days were a bit challenging. My past month was filled with travel for business, dinners, selling our house (and buying a new one), which - along with four kids - didn't help with stress.
What I've realized is that it's all about perspective and mental discipline. During the first few days, one part of my mind was speaking in one voice, whilst the other in just the opposite. It was vital that I established who's in charge here.
Once that was established, the rest of the month that was to follow wasn't as hard as I thought. There were a few nights, preceding some stressful days, which had me thinking of cognac and such. But once I was able to "ride out the urge" over the next 1-2 hours, it passed.
To reflect on a few things.... I got a urge to order a few Jamesons in the airplane cabin. Flights from NYC to LA can be long, and nothing makes the time pass by than drinks, music and movies on the plane. Instead I drank three coffees, and watched movies and listened to music all the same. Remarkably, I actually got some work done on my laptop too. I arrived at my destination refreshed and focused.
There were times when I'd sit down for dinner for colleagues, drink orders left and right. I ordered tonic with lime. No one blinked or cared. Imagine that!
Dinners at the in-laws, wine being served all around. I politely declined and got some seltzer. No one cared or commented. Surprise!
I did have a sip (and I do indeed mean, just a sip), of champagne a few days ago. It was my Dad's 60th birthday party, and this was his toast. What I did afterwards, was I used the same sneaky ingenuity I previously used to sneak out to the liquor store and later hide the bottles to my advantage. I went into the mens room with my glass of champagne, and simply spilled it in the toilet. No one noticed, and I politely put my empty glass down at the table.
It's amazing how the mind can work. To your advantage, or against it. It's up to you to steer it.
Before I ramble, what has helped me was a series of notes I had written down on day 1 of sobriety. I'm going to share them here. Hopefully someone else finds them useful. I disciplined myself to read these notes (which are on my phone, for easy access), anytime I had the urge to drink.
------------------------------
You're experiencing a Trigger Factor. What is it? Why? Understand it first.
You don't need it. Read this again in ten seconds.
It's an impulse. Your brain will do anything to get what it's been wired for through years of conditioning. Ride out the urge. Ride it out. Ride it out.
Repeat this in your head over and over again.
Don't be a slave. You'll regret it. Remorse will plague you for days. You will never stop if you keep saying yes.
Read again.
By saying no you are accomplishing something and growing stronger. This stuff can't touch you. You are stronger than that. It can't even come near you. The affair is over. Think of how free you are!
You have a choice to make. You and you alone. The choice you make will shape the rest of your life. You alone are responsible for your choices, but your life affects the people around you. Just think of all those around you. How do you want to be remembered? Sooner or later they will find out
------------------------------
The last time I was able to abstain for a full month was 2.5 years ago. I'm happy to say that it's been more than 31 days now, and honestly, the last week I stopped counting, because the urge has grown weaker and weaker.
Expect to see me back here from time to time. I will do my best to keep this beast on a leash :-)
To everyone else, best of luck, thank you for your kind support, and bon voyage!
It's nice to be back here (the forums). Thanks to everyone for their supportive and insightful messages. To those who recommended I visit more frequently, here's the truth: This was more about proving something to myself without the aid of others. Why? I suppose I wanted to test my inner strength. In all honesty, I didn't even want to think about alcohol during this test period, let alone read about it. I know it sounds selfish, but I'm happy to say it's worked.
The first few days were a bit challenging. My past month was filled with travel for business, dinners, selling our house (and buying a new one), which - along with four kids - didn't help with stress.
What I've realized is that it's all about perspective and mental discipline. During the first few days, one part of my mind was speaking in one voice, whilst the other in just the opposite. It was vital that I established who's in charge here.
Once that was established, the rest of the month that was to follow wasn't as hard as I thought. There were a few nights, preceding some stressful days, which had me thinking of cognac and such. But once I was able to "ride out the urge" over the next 1-2 hours, it passed.
To reflect on a few things.... I got a urge to order a few Jamesons in the airplane cabin. Flights from NYC to LA can be long, and nothing makes the time pass by than drinks, music and movies on the plane. Instead I drank three coffees, and watched movies and listened to music all the same. Remarkably, I actually got some work done on my laptop too. I arrived at my destination refreshed and focused.
There were times when I'd sit down for dinner for colleagues, drink orders left and right. I ordered tonic with lime. No one blinked or cared. Imagine that!
Dinners at the in-laws, wine being served all around. I politely declined and got some seltzer. No one cared or commented. Surprise!
I did have a sip (and I do indeed mean, just a sip), of champagne a few days ago. It was my Dad's 60th birthday party, and this was his toast. What I did afterwards, was I used the same sneaky ingenuity I previously used to sneak out to the liquor store and later hide the bottles to my advantage. I went into the mens room with my glass of champagne, and simply spilled it in the toilet. No one noticed, and I politely put my empty glass down at the table.
It's amazing how the mind can work. To your advantage, or against it. It's up to you to steer it.
Before I ramble, what has helped me was a series of notes I had written down on day 1 of sobriety. I'm going to share them here. Hopefully someone else finds them useful. I disciplined myself to read these notes (which are on my phone, for easy access), anytime I had the urge to drink.
------------------------------
You're experiencing a Trigger Factor. What is it? Why? Understand it first.
You don't need it. Read this again in ten seconds.
It's an impulse. Your brain will do anything to get what it's been wired for through years of conditioning. Ride out the urge. Ride it out. Ride it out.
Repeat this in your head over and over again.
Don't be a slave. You'll regret it. Remorse will plague you for days. You will never stop if you keep saying yes.
Read again.
By saying no you are accomplishing something and growing stronger. This stuff can't touch you. You are stronger than that. It can't even come near you. The affair is over. Think of how free you are!
You have a choice to make. You and you alone. The choice you make will shape the rest of your life. You alone are responsible for your choices, but your life affects the people around you. Just think of all those around you. How do you want to be remembered? Sooner or later they will find out
------------------------------
The last time I was able to abstain for a full month was 2.5 years ago. I'm happy to say that it's been more than 31 days now, and honestly, the last week I stopped counting, because the urge has grown weaker and weaker.
Expect to see me back here from time to time. I will do my best to keep this beast on a leash :-)
To everyone else, best of luck, thank you for your kind support, and bon voyage!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Michael
If you are an alcoholic - and I see no reason to doubt you - guys like us can't go round sipping champagne.
It;s not as small a slip as you'd like to make out.
I could scoot on down to the bottle shop and buy a bottle right now right now take a swig and dump the rest of the bottle.
who knows - I might be ok, or I might awaken something and suddenly cave in 2 weeks from now end up on another multi year bender.
Not a risk I'm prepared to take anymore.
So you've done your month, sort of....
What now?
D
If you are an alcoholic - and I see no reason to doubt you - guys like us can't go round sipping champagne.
It;s not as small a slip as you'd like to make out.
I could scoot on down to the bottle shop and buy a bottle right now right now take a swig and dump the rest of the bottle.
who knows - I might be ok, or I might awaken something and suddenly cave in 2 weeks from now end up on another multi year bender.
Not a risk I'm prepared to take anymore.
So you've done your month, sort of....
What now?
D
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