How do I get him out of the apartment we co-lease?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 4
How do I get him out of the apartment we co-lease?
I am about to break up with my alcoholic boyfriend of ~1.5 years. Foolishly, we moved into an apartment together at the beginning of July (he lied to me and told me he had more time sober than he actually did). He relapsed the very day he left his parents' home to go to the airport to move up here. After that, things have gotten progressively worse in the usual way that alcoholism does.
A couple days ago I came to the realization that there is simply no future here, EVEN IF he gets better (and this is seeming like an extremely long shot). I would never want my future kids to a) have to grow up with a potentially alcoholic / alcoholic parent, and b) have my kids grow up to be alcoholics themselves (he has a very strong family history of alcoholism). I am grateful for this realization because it has given me the resolve to actually break this off, for good this time. We can never get back together. I am in a lot of pain, and I probably will be for a long time, but now I realize this is what I must do otherwise I will set myself up for a lifetime of these ups and downs.
My question now is how to get him to move out. The biggest issue is that we both signed the lease, so legally this is his home. He seems unwilling to take himself off the lease and move out. I have asked him several times the past couple days and he has refused, granted he has also been varying states of drunk for the entirety of the past few days. How do I go about getting him out? I am able to afford our apartment by myself. His parents live halfway across the country, so when he moves out he will probably have to go back to them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Bless every one of you wonderful people.
A couple days ago I came to the realization that there is simply no future here, EVEN IF he gets better (and this is seeming like an extremely long shot). I would never want my future kids to a) have to grow up with a potentially alcoholic / alcoholic parent, and b) have my kids grow up to be alcoholics themselves (he has a very strong family history of alcoholism). I am grateful for this realization because it has given me the resolve to actually break this off, for good this time. We can never get back together. I am in a lot of pain, and I probably will be for a long time, but now I realize this is what I must do otherwise I will set myself up for a lifetime of these ups and downs.
My question now is how to get him to move out. The biggest issue is that we both signed the lease, so legally this is his home. He seems unwilling to take himself off the lease and move out. I have asked him several times the past couple days and he has refused, granted he has also been varying states of drunk for the entirety of the past few days. How do I go about getting him out? I am able to afford our apartment by myself. His parents live halfway across the country, so when he moves out he will probably have to go back to them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Bless every one of you wonderful people.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
joy, I don't have any advice for you on how to get ABF out of the apartment, but I do want to say how glad I am that you've seen clearly what you need to do and are taking steps in that direction.
Yes, it's going to hurt, no doubt about it, but it will pass. The pain of living with an active A is just going to keep on building.
Weekends can be a little slow here, but I'm sure someone w/the knowledge you need will be along to offer suggestions before too long.
Yes, it's going to hurt, no doubt about it, but it will pass. The pain of living with an active A is just going to keep on building.
Weekends can be a little slow here, but I'm sure someone w/the knowledge you need will be along to offer suggestions before too long.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
joy,
i would talk to the apartment manager and if they don't work with you I would ask to talk to their boss...at least.
The reason I suggest this is because alcoholism, drug addiction in general, is widespread. Folks can help.
I got rid of an alcoholic coworker car pool buddy by saying I had family problems and needed more time for them. My boss at work seemed to catch on and things at work have changed for the better for me.
Him, not so much. I am pretty sure he was internally trying to blame his drinking on me. That is what addicts do.
In the mean time, i vote stay away from your addict partner. Easier said I know. I would find another place to sleep. Otherwise, more scary stuff can happen.
My addict coworker was capable of emotionally exploding instantly. It turned into something like a horror movie sometimes.
Hope this helps.
Thanks.
i would talk to the apartment manager and if they don't work with you I would ask to talk to their boss...at least.
The reason I suggest this is because alcoholism, drug addiction in general, is widespread. Folks can help.
I got rid of an alcoholic coworker car pool buddy by saying I had family problems and needed more time for them. My boss at work seemed to catch on and things at work have changed for the better for me.
Him, not so much. I am pretty sure he was internally trying to blame his drinking on me. That is what addicts do.
In the mean time, i vote stay away from your addict partner. Easier said I know. I would find another place to sleep. Otherwise, more scary stuff can happen.
My addict coworker was capable of emotionally exploding instantly. It turned into something like a horror movie sometimes.
Hope this helps.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, joy.
Welcome.
You may need an attorney's help on this one if the apartment agency can't or doesn't want to help.
I agree with D. Start with them first.
It's bad business to have a drunk living in one of their apartments. Lots of liability issues.
Welcome.
You may need an attorney's help on this one if the apartment agency can't or doesn't want to help.
I agree with D. Start with them first.
It's bad business to have a drunk living in one of their apartments. Lots of liability issues.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 22
Joy,
Having been in apartment management business in several states for the last 18 years, I can tell you that you are correct about that being his home as much as it is yours. It stinks but if you are both on the lease, the only way to remove him is if he agrees to sign what some companies call a "roommate release" form. If he agrees to sign this then they may requalify you on your own to be sure you can afford it alone etc... he then is off the lease and has no rights to the deposit when you move. I have seen some people offer to pay the other to leave in attempts to get them to sign the document and I've also seen where the one will not leave and creates misery for all. In my opinion, why stay where you are not wanted. In short, management isn't obligated to do anything.
There is always the option of just leaving anyway. Maybe speak to the manager and let them know the situation and how to reach you when he defaults. You can then offer to make payments on whatever balance is owed. It's a crappy situation but you don't want an eviction on your record as it will make it very hard to rent again in the future. Good luck to you
Having been in apartment management business in several states for the last 18 years, I can tell you that you are correct about that being his home as much as it is yours. It stinks but if you are both on the lease, the only way to remove him is if he agrees to sign what some companies call a "roommate release" form. If he agrees to sign this then they may requalify you on your own to be sure you can afford it alone etc... he then is off the lease and has no rights to the deposit when you move. I have seen some people offer to pay the other to leave in attempts to get them to sign the document and I've also seen where the one will not leave and creates misery for all. In my opinion, why stay where you are not wanted. In short, management isn't obligated to do anything.
There is always the option of just leaving anyway. Maybe speak to the manager and let them know the situation and how to reach you when he defaults. You can then offer to make payments on whatever balance is owed. It's a crappy situation but you don't want an eviction on your record as it will make it very hard to rent again in the future. Good luck to you
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
I was stuck in the same situation. The management wouldn't do anything to get rid of him as he had just as much right to be there as me, even though I'd rented it on my own at first.
What they did do however, was offer me another suite in the same building, so I moved out right away. Not the greatest idea, but at least I was able to get my own space away from the insanity.
The problem with that was he began harassing me and I had to get a restraining order which he violated twice, but that ended up with him being charged and forced to stay a certain distance from me. That, in the end, forced him to find somewhere else to live.
I'm happy for you that you've realized this so quickly for yourself. Some of us have taken a lot longer to have been able to make the break.
What they did do however, was offer me another suite in the same building, so I moved out right away. Not the greatest idea, but at least I was able to get my own space away from the insanity.
The problem with that was he began harassing me and I had to get a restraining order which he violated twice, but that ended up with him being charged and forced to stay a certain distance from me. That, in the end, forced him to find somewhere else to live.
I'm happy for you that you've realized this so quickly for yourself. Some of us have taken a lot longer to have been able to make the break.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 4
Thanks for all the supportive responses. He ended up agreeing to sign the roommate release (after some serious drama and many attempts), and is set to move out of the apartment to stay with an old friend from high school in a couple days.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 203
Nothing
No sure where you live but I can tell you in PA (my daughter signed a lease with her drug addict bf who lied about being in recovery), there is nothing you can do. In our state the only recourse is to get a PFA (Protection From Abuse). If that is secured the apartment complex must take him off the lease. Other than that, you can move out but are still responsible for the rent. You can not force him out or lock him out. You can move out and not pay the rent but in our daughter's case the landlord sued (and won) for back rent. She ended up paying entire judgement bc he didn't show up.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Wonderful news!
Originally Posted by joy7 
Thanks for all the supportive responses. He ended up agreeing to sign the roommate release (after some serious drama and many attempts), and is set to move out of the apartment to stay with an old friend from high school in a couple days.
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