Andagain

So in all I've read and with all the people I've spoken to one thing that comes up a lot is shame. They're ashamed of how much they drank and how they embarrassed themselves etc etc etc.

Well, I stopped feeling ashamed, I don't think being an alcoholic is something to be ashamed of.

What it basically means is that you're a fallible human being with weaknesses that needed something to ease the pain. That's not your fault and the fact that you gave in to that need doesn't mean anything except that like all of us you're not perfect and you make mistakes.

Feeling ashamed achieves nothing and in fact, thinking that way and being negative about yourself is likely to send you to a place where you're more likely to relapse. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones to forgive yourself.

That voice that's telling you you're a bad person for being addicted, something any human being can suffer in the right circumstances, is a liar. Your av voice has a lot of tricks up its sleeve, and this is one of its toughest. Tell it where to go.

decchemist

Past ashamed here. Whoever that person was, who turned up when I drank, did some mean and selfish stuff. It wasn't (the real) me.

noturningback2

I think a real key in that is understanding that addiction, is something that cannot be helped. It is becoming more widely known that the brain chemistry in people with addictive personalities, is different to those that do not. I think when you look at it more scientifically, the shame has to go. Our dopamine receptors are different, we are mostly impatient, impulsive people that need instant gratification. When we are hurting emotionally, we found something that worked instantly, it was only then we became aware our brains worked differently, and by then we were in deep. It isn't our fault, we are not hopeless, useless, sub human or unworthy of love. When we aren't using, I think most of us are the most humble, loving and supportive, good people you could happen to meet. I feel the tides are changing, and in there is a real chance people will understand what happened, and give us the respect we deserve to fight it every day we are breathing.

BlownOne

[I]we are mostly impatient, impulsive people that need instant gratification[/I]

Love this. Nail on the head!

tomsteve

if that was the case, there wouldnt be hundreds upon hundreds of years of recovery on this site alone.

very bad misconception that addiction cant be helped AND overcome.

soberandhonest

I let go of the guilt and shame early on and it helped me immensely. The thing that we all have to recognize is this: we have a responsibility to accept the consequences of our actions, even while under the influence of alcohol or drugs. So accept responsibility. In fact, embrace the consequences. But you can do that without shame and guilt. Whatever you did, it was at least partially (and probably mostly) influenced by disease. The laws of society require that we take responsibility for our actions, but those same laws do not require that we punish ourselves further through shame or guilt. Let that part of it go and feel good about yourself for ridding yourself of the disease and for taking responsibility by accepting the consequences of your actions. That is all that is required of us.

noturningback2

no, I am not saying recovery is not possible once you are aware you have become addicted. I am saying that our brain chemistry makes us predisposed to becoming an addict. That is what cannot be helped. How we solve it, can be, obviously, as we are here proving.

Jezzi

I think maybe it was meant more that we can't necessarily change that we're addicts. We can change our behavior and not give into the addiction (AV), but we'll always be addicts (and have that AV in the shadows). That's how I read it anyway.

soberandhonest

Daily affirmations are a great way to help with guilt and shame. You might think that it is corny, but stating aloud your approach several times a day is very effective. Here is an example:

"I take responsibility for the consequences of my actions while addicted to ______, but I let go of the shame and guilt from those actions."

Andagain

Absolutely, I'm by no means saying you're not responsible if you've done bad things. I'm mainly talking about just sort of general shame for having an addiction. In any case even if you have done some bad things, feeling shame doesn't help anyone, not you and not anyone you may have let down either.

noturningback2

yeah, that is what I meant exactly!

noturningback2

I'm now sober and I have more pride in myself now in this last month, than I ever have. Even with the label of an alcoholic to all who know me. Now I understand addiction on a scientific level, I am not ashamed, because I understand myself at last, and everything falls into place. People might judge, but I want to educate people on it, so that it works towards the stigma being removed. My daughter has autism, and the way I advocate for her and take opportunities to educate people on her differences within her brain chemistry. I now also wish to do the same regarding addiction. It needs to be talked about more openly and not the taboo it is. Then the shame of people wanting to recover but being too afraid, can finally go and people can be helped sooner, when the grip is less vice like

tomsteve

that may be true for SOME of us, but definatly not the case for ALL of us.

heavencanwait

Not me...got my big girl panties on. No excuses.

Poppy79

Alcohol changes your brain chemistry particularly significantly over a long period of time so I do believe an addicts brain chemistry is vastly different to those who have so far avoided becoming an addict.