i relapsed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
i relapsed
i was almost 5 months sober and going to meetings every week, but last week i relapsed.
i was on vacation with my GF and went to 2 music festivals and went out a lot with people drinking but managed to stay sober but when i returned home i started drinking again. i went to a 3rd music festival, this time alone, and i just coudlnt stand sitting around being sober, so i bought a lot of beers and drank every day at the festival, and of course now after returning home i cant quit and drink every day... lying in bed shaking waiting for 10am whe the pub opens to go and get drinks... i live alone in a different country than my gf and my family and have no people around to help me and i never managed to sober up alone - i havent had a proper meal for days but i fear being alone and in withdrawals so much i keep going to the pub and drink more. i feel so helpless
i was on vacation with my GF and went to 2 music festivals and went out a lot with people drinking but managed to stay sober but when i returned home i started drinking again. i went to a 3rd music festival, this time alone, and i just coudlnt stand sitting around being sober, so i bought a lot of beers and drank every day at the festival, and of course now after returning home i cant quit and drink every day... lying in bed shaking waiting for 10am whe the pub opens to go and get drinks... i live alone in a different country than my gf and my family and have no people around to help me and i never managed to sober up alone - i havent had a proper meal for days but i fear being alone and in withdrawals so much i keep going to the pub and drink more. i feel so helpless
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Thats a scary tiger 
"when i returned home i started drinking again"
And you were me and i was you.
When the least expected after getting through the most difficult situations i went home and all alone seized with an immense weariness before what i thought were difficulties... got hammered and drugged out of my brains.
But that is the past.
Like you i have done 2 months, 4, months, 6, even 9. Im on two weeks and one day today. But this is the one. Sometimes your down on all fours but you keep going forward.
Its about putting one right decision after another.
Get back on the wagon now.
See you tomorrow.
"when i returned home i started drinking again"
And you were me and i was you.
When the least expected after getting through the most difficult situations i went home and all alone seized with an immense weariness before what i thought were difficulties... got hammered and drugged out of my brains.
But that is the past.
Like you i have done 2 months, 4, months, 6, even 9. Im on two weeks and one day today. But this is the one. Sometimes your down on all fours but you keep going forward.
Its about putting one right decision after another.
Get back on the wagon now.
See you tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Might be time to get back to those meetings and get some phone numbers - start building up a sober network and start learning to live a sober lifestyle rather than try to do your old life style just minus the booze. That is just too hard. Why put yourself through it?
You say you were going to meetings before. Meetings are one third of the suggested program of recovery. Why not commit to using the whole thing for a while and see what happens. In How It Works it says the it works for people who 'thoroughly' follow that path.
Perhaps you want to try something different this time and that's fine as well. But whatever you try its likely to require a full effort if you want full results, so go for it. You deserve a happy sober life.
Glad you posted. I wish you sobriety and recovery, serenity and inner peace.
BB
You say you were going to meetings before. Meetings are one third of the suggested program of recovery. Why not commit to using the whole thing for a while and see what happens. In How It Works it says the it works for people who 'thoroughly' follow that path.
Perhaps you want to try something different this time and that's fine as well. But whatever you try its likely to require a full effort if you want full results, so go for it. You deserve a happy sober life.
Glad you posted. I wish you sobriety and recovery, serenity and inner peace.
BB
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Get back on the right road ST - you can do what you did before, maybe add some things like Berrybean suggested.
Do you think you've finally accepted your toxic relationship with alcohol now?
D
Do you think you've finally accepted your toxic relationship with alcohol now?
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 5
I agree with everyone above me.
You were sober for an entire five months, that's not easy. Remember why you decided to become sober in the first place, and physically write it down. As you continue your journey, write it down twice a day; morning and night. This will ensure that you keep your mind on your goal so that you don't relapse again. In the end, it takes a strong willpower and the desire to succeed. I wish you the best of luck.
You were sober for an entire five months, that's not easy. Remember why you decided to become sober in the first place, and physically write it down. As you continue your journey, write it down twice a day; morning and night. This will ensure that you keep your mind on your goal so that you don't relapse again. In the end, it takes a strong willpower and the desire to succeed. I wish you the best of luck.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London
Posts: 67
Yes, I agree don't give up. You can post here as often as you like if you need support but of course the other support you were getting before was great and helped to keep you sober for a good long time. Well done on that achievement.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by Learninganew 
Yes, I agree don't give up. You can post here as often as you like if you need support but of course the other support you were getting before was great and helped to keep you sober for a good long time. Well done on that achievement.
By no means judging you. I'm right here with you, with this fight.
I'm a big fan of the guitar. I love that damn instrument. - Steve Vai
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 46
Quitting for 5 months was great and your body did some healing for sure. Now when you quit again you'll double down on all those benefits. Don't be discouraged; you've proven you can maintain sobriety for almost half a year!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
You got this ST!! Go to the Dr. if you need too, whatever's it takes to get your focus back! You belong here, you know how your AV works and how to silence him too! So throw out the booze, call a sober friend, be here, post, get to a safe place so you can eat and rest. You will feel stronger then.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Denmark
Posts: 257
So i am back at day 1, i am so lucky to have a supportive family, as soon as my parents learned i had slipped my dad came up here to look after me, and will drive me back home to my parents house so i can recover in safe surroundings.
I just feel really bad, i coused a lot of worries for my family and my girlfriend got so shocked about the news she nearly fainted and had to go to the doctor... i feel ****** about all the worries i caused, and of course my body is shaking and i have no energy or appetite, but i know at least this will only be so bad the first few days
I just feel really bad, i coused a lot of worries for my family and my girlfriend got so shocked about the news she nearly fainted and had to go to the doctor... i feel ****** about all the worries i caused, and of course my body is shaking and i have no energy or appetite, but i know at least this will only be so bad the first few days
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I am glad you made it back ST, and what a wonderful family you have. Mine took me in when they saw I was serious about recovery, and it made a huge difference.
Maybe you have learned something that a lot of people miss. Berry bean alluded to it earlier. Just not drinking and going to meetings does not treat alcoholism.
No doubt you have met folks that seem to be able to stay sober this way, but it is a far cry from what is really on offer in AA.
I worked the steps at a good pace. It took about three months for the promised spiritual experience to happen and my life changed completely. Part of the deal is I can go anywhere anytime and not be concerned about picking up a drink. The big book calls it safe and protected. That is what freedom from alcohol is about. Not just freedom from having the substance in your body, but freedom from it having any influence in your life whatsoever.
The big book talks about not withdrawing from life just because your friends drink liquor. They encourage us to get into the mainstream of life. And we will be fine, provided we have the right motives. The steps are about true freedom. In a way, the don't drink and go to meetings path is Really a second rate deal, much closer to palliative care than real recovery.
Maybe you have learned something that a lot of people miss. Berry bean alluded to it earlier. Just not drinking and going to meetings does not treat alcoholism.
No doubt you have met folks that seem to be able to stay sober this way, but it is a far cry from what is really on offer in AA.
I worked the steps at a good pace. It took about three months for the promised spiritual experience to happen and my life changed completely. Part of the deal is I can go anywhere anytime and not be concerned about picking up a drink. The big book calls it safe and protected. That is what freedom from alcohol is about. Not just freedom from having the substance in your body, but freedom from it having any influence in your life whatsoever.
The big book talks about not withdrawing from life just because your friends drink liquor. They encourage us to get into the mainstream of life. And we will be fine, provided we have the right motives. The steps are about true freedom. In a way, the don't drink and go to meetings path is Really a second rate deal, much closer to palliative care than real recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,642
if you can see a doc about detox. if you can go to an aa meetin. if not- go to a church or a community centre. stay away from festivals, and pubs....Rest, eat, hydrate. Pour out any booze. Post here- every 5 minutes if you have to. Join the 24 hour thread and the class of aug. 2017 thread. There are always people around. Empathy and support to you. Addiction sucks.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Good to hear, ST.
When I saw your avatar I thought of someone here who said that addiction is like a lion in a cage, you can't let it out a little bit at a time.
Your GF's issues are her inner problem, you didn't cause her to have a breakdown, she has to learn to control her own emotions and her own life experience. That seems a bit over the top to have, "almost fainted and had to go to the doctor," because you had some drinks. Please don't take on the guilt of that - she needs to be able to calm herself. Let her work through it without you trying to "fix" it. We are each responsible for our own actions and reactions to the world. The less drama over this whole thing, the better for everyone.
Just keep going! You know what to do, and now you've experienced that and don't need to do it again. Don't beat yourself up!
When I saw your avatar I thought of someone here who said that addiction is like a lion in a cage, you can't let it out a little bit at a time.
Your GF's issues are her inner problem, you didn't cause her to have a breakdown, she has to learn to control her own emotions and her own life experience. That seems a bit over the top to have, "almost fainted and had to go to the doctor," because you had some drinks. Please don't take on the guilt of that - she needs to be able to calm herself. Let her work through it without you trying to "fix" it. We are each responsible for our own actions and reactions to the world. The less drama over this whole thing, the better for everyone.
Just keep going! You know what to do, and now you've experienced that and don't need to do it again. Don't beat yourself up!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
ditto
you didnt cause.
you cant control it
you cant cure it.
its not right for you to be blamed for her meltdown- thats on her.
just as it wouldnt be right to blame your drinking on anyone- thats on you.
and so is your recovery.
with that said, whats your plan? gonna get back to meetings,start workin the program and living it?
p.s.
reads more like a premeditated drunk.
you didnt cause.
you cant control it
you cant cure it.
its not right for you to be blamed for her meltdown- thats on her.
just as it wouldnt be right to blame your drinking on anyone- thats on you.
and so is your recovery.
with that said, whats your plan? gonna get back to meetings,start workin the program and living it?
p.s.
reads more like a premeditated drunk.
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Good to hear, ST.
When I saw your avatar I thought of someone here who said that addiction is like a lion in a cage, you can't let it out a little bit at a time.
Your GF's issues are her inner problem, you didn't cause her to have a breakdown, she has to learn to control her own emotions and her own life experience. That seems a bit over the top to have, "almost fainted and had to go to the doctor," because you had some drinks. Please don't take on the guilt of that - she needs to be able to calm herself. Let her work through it without you trying to "fix" it. We are each responsible for our own actions and reactions to the world. The less drama over this whole thing, the better for everyone.
Just keep going! You know what to do, and now you've experienced that and don't need to do it again. Don't beat yourself up!
When I saw your avatar I thought of someone here who said that addiction is like a lion in a cage, you can't let it out a little bit at a time.
Your GF's issues are her inner problem, you didn't cause her to have a breakdown, she has to learn to control her own emotions and her own life experience. That seems a bit over the top to have, "almost fainted and had to go to the doctor," because you had some drinks. Please don't take on the guilt of that - she needs to be able to calm herself. Let her work through it without you trying to "fix" it. We are each responsible for our own actions and reactions to the world. The less drama over this whole thing, the better for everyone.
Just keep going! You know what to do, and now you've experienced that and don't need to do it again. Don't beat yourself up!
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