Kimbrly818

I just joined. I'm not an alcoholic myself, but I was married to one for 17 years, left and moved on. I eventually met the man I'm with now. I didn't know of his addictions at the beginning, and unbeknown to me he changed them, stopped them, before I could notice. Then a few years later he got promoted, and the alcoholism part later became evident, he knows how I feel about it, the damage my children and I felt from it, so he tried to hide it. He goes back and forth from, I have a problem to I am an adult and it's my life I can what I want, it only effects "him" so why do we care so much?? Lately it's gotten even worse, he makes a point to withdraw from me more, and has no empathy for how I feel, but seems to for others in his life.. Just not me and my daughter that's still living with us.
I'm lost on what I should and can do.
He goes back and forth on wanting help, to I need to mind my own business. I've confronted him, kept quiet, dumped bottles, moved hidden bottles into the opening, offered support, offered to go to meetings with him.. Nothing has worked.
I've offered to leave, which is meet with if that's what you want to do attitude to I can't believe you're just going to walk away.. We were engaged. I'm not sure what our status really is anymore.. I tried planning our wedding throwing out ideas, to have thrown at me that I was FORCING the idea of marriage onto him.. And why can't I just be happy with how things are. In the beginning he couldn't wait.
I don't know what to do anymore.. Is there anything I can do?

BlownOne

I feel for you Kimbrly. I'm not sure how much you can do other than try to take care of yourself as best you can right now. It sounds like your bf doesn't really want help. He can't see how his addiction is affecting you or your child, and he's in deep denial. If you don't see him making any effort to change or to consider your feelings, it may be best to try to detach from him little by little and leave him to his own devices. You've already been thru the alcoholism mess once it sounds like. I can't imagine you want to go thru it again. Hugs to you.

decchemist

He will not change until he decides he wants to. This may never happen (I hope it does of course). You must decide if you are prepared to wait for something that may never happen and be in a situation that in all likelihood will get worse.

You are quite welcome to post in the newcomers area but may also find help in other areas of the website specifically for family and friends of alcoholics.

Stick around, read a bit. You will find lots of understanding people here. I wish you all the best.

Kimbrly818

Thank you.. I have left him to his own devices, detached from him to let him see his own ways, then he gets upset that I'm acting the way he does, minus the drinking. I started focusing on myself, we just recently moved to another state for his job, my daughter and I left our jobs and have yet to find one. I just obtained my degree last fall, and he's pushed that I just wait and hold out for a job to apply my degree towards, like I wouldn't want to.. But not working is damaging my own self value. He feels I should just be grateful to him for his financial support, which I am, but I am too old to be constantly asking for money and being treated like a child with no direction. I really don't understand that, but I know that's not really him.

Kimbrly818

Thank you, I didn't see that area! 😊

Dee74

Welcome aboard Kimberly - as a newcomer, you're very welcome to post here in Newcomers as well

D

Opivotal

Kimbrly, if you'll feel better working, I say go for it! Nothing lost by taking something until a job in your field opens up.

Sounds like your man is in denial. Have you thought about Al-Anon?

heavencanwait

Welcome. Lots of support here.