45 Days and highly aggravated at everything, and exhausted
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
45 Days and highly aggravated at everything, and exhausted
Just a rundown:
-I have 45 days today
-I still take klonopin to sleep (0.5 prescribed at night)
-I go to AA 5 times a week
How I'm feeling
-Exhausted
-Aggravated
-No motivation at work, just want to sleep and not wanting to be here. Like literally zero motivation.
-Walking up stairs feels like climbing a mountain
-No lust for life
-I can't be "present"
Maybe I am clinically depressed and have to go back on the Lexapro. I just feel like a walking zombie. I was diagnosed with depression and put on lexapro, but i stopped after i quit drinking 1.5 months ago to clear out my system. I did keep taking the prescribed klonopin though so I wouldn't have a seizure.
-I have 45 days today
-I still take klonopin to sleep (0.5 prescribed at night)
-I go to AA 5 times a week
How I'm feeling
-Exhausted
-Aggravated
-No motivation at work, just want to sleep and not wanting to be here. Like literally zero motivation.
-Walking up stairs feels like climbing a mountain
-No lust for life
-I can't be "present"
Maybe I am clinically depressed and have to go back on the Lexapro. I just feel like a walking zombie. I was diagnosed with depression and put on lexapro, but i stopped after i quit drinking 1.5 months ago to clear out my system. I did keep taking the prescribed klonopin though so I wouldn't have a seizure.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It could definitely be depression. Have you spoken with a therapist/counselor about it? There are things that you can do to help depression that don't involve taking meds too. You may want to speak with your doctor about the Klonopin as well - benzos can become addicting themselves if taken for too long, and taking them to sleep is probably not the best idea if you can avoid it. Again - talk to your prescribing doc about it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hiya.
You say you are going to meetings. For me, just going to meetings wasn't enough. I just thought I'd share my experience regarding this just in case it might be useful (if you are already doing all the below then perhaps it might help someone else reading, and I apologise for it not being applicable to your own circumstances)....
I needed to actually work the program with a sponsor so I could learn how to apply the principles of the program to my life. Once I'd started doing that I started to get some relief as life was easier to negotiate and I was no longer wasting energy on Berry-bashing shame; fear; and decade-old resentments (that I didn't even realise were taking up so my emotional energy and thinking time until they were gone). I also found that getting to meetings early and staying a bit late - helping with the setting up and clearning up helped a lot because it gave me lots of opportunity to chat with those further into their recovery than me.
The AA symbol is triangular. Meetings are only one side of that triangle. If you have not yet started engaging in service of some sort thatcan really help (that is another side of the triangle), and the recovery (the other side of the triangle.)
One guy I heard share talked about AA as 3-legged stool. He said balancing on one leg was better than no stool at all (i.e. just meetings). And 2 legs even better than that (not sure if his 2 legs were meetings and recovery, or meetings and service), but that stool started to get comfortable and give him a chance to rest up once he'd got willing to use all three legs of that stool. I found the same as him.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
You say you are going to meetings. For me, just going to meetings wasn't enough. I just thought I'd share my experience regarding this just in case it might be useful (if you are already doing all the below then perhaps it might help someone else reading, and I apologise for it not being applicable to your own circumstances)....
I needed to actually work the program with a sponsor so I could learn how to apply the principles of the program to my life. Once I'd started doing that I started to get some relief as life was easier to negotiate and I was no longer wasting energy on Berry-bashing shame; fear; and decade-old resentments (that I didn't even realise were taking up so my emotional energy and thinking time until they were gone). I also found that getting to meetings early and staying a bit late - helping with the setting up and clearning up helped a lot because it gave me lots of opportunity to chat with those further into their recovery than me.
The AA symbol is triangular. Meetings are only one side of that triangle. If you have not yet started engaging in service of some sort thatcan really help (that is another side of the triangle), and the recovery (the other side of the triangle.)
One guy I heard share talked about AA as 3-legged stool. He said balancing on one leg was better than no stool at all (i.e. just meetings). And 2 legs even better than that (not sure if his 2 legs were meetings and recovery, or meetings and service), but that stool started to get comfortable and give him a chance to rest up once he'd got willing to use all three legs of that stool. I found the same as him.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Give it time, friend.
It took me a good three/four months before I had more good days than bad. From then on it has been steadily uphill for three+ years. It just takes time and working on issues, whatever they may be.
I decided not to use any drugs at all, and I'm still drug-free. Did I think about it in those early raw and painful days? You bet. I've worked through all my issues and feel very balanced and stable every single day. Keep searching!
It took me a good three/four months before I had more good days than bad. From then on it has been steadily uphill for three+ years. It just takes time and working on issues, whatever they may be.
I decided not to use any drugs at all, and I'm still drug-free. Did I think about it in those early raw and painful days? You bet. I've worked through all my issues and feel very balanced and stable every single day. Keep searching!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
It could definitely be depression. Have you spoken with a therapist/counselor about it? There are things that you can do to help depression that don't involve taking meds too. You may want to speak with your doctor about the Klonopin as well - benzos can become addicting themselves if taken for too long, and taking them to sleep is probably not the best idea if you can avoid it. Again - talk to your prescribing doc about it.
My goal was to be medication free, but my quality of life is really low when I am not medicated. The side effects are just brutal and really emotionally blunting. I think it's just a hard transition time for me because I've always been medicated AND heavily drinking while doing so, and not honest with doctors. I think that the main thing right now is that I did pull out the booze. That's my focus right now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
"You may want to speak with your doctor about the Klonopin as well - benzos can become addicting themselves if taken for too long"
I have been on the same dose 0.5mg which is one of the smallest pills for ten years. I have never abused it.
I have been on the same dose 0.5mg which is one of the smallest pills for ten years. I have never abused it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 216
Originally Posted by Berrybean
Hiya.
You say you are going to meetings. For me, just going to meetings wasn't enough. I just thought I'd share my experience regarding this just in case it might be useful (if you are already doing all the below then perhaps it might help someone else reading, and I apologise for it not being applicable to your own circumstances)....
I needed to actually work the program with a sponsor so I could learn how to apply the principles of the program to my life. Once I'd started doing that I started to get some relief as life was easier to negotiate and I was no longer wasting energy on Berry-bashing shame; fear; and decade-old resentments (that I didn't even realise were taking up so my emotional energy and thinking time until they were gone). I also found that getting to meetings early and staying a bit late - helping with the setting up and clearning up helped a lot because it gave me lots of opportunity to chat with those further into their recovery than me.
The AA symbol is triangular. Meetings are only one side of that triangle. If you have not yet started engaging in service of some sort thatcan really help (that is another side of the triangle), and the recovery (the other side of the triangle.)
One guy I heard share talked about AA as 3-legged stool. He said balancing on one leg was better than no stool at all (i.e. just meetings). And 2 legs even better than that (not sure if his 2 legs were meetings and recovery, or meetings and service), but that stool started to get comfortable and give him a chance to rest up once he'd got willing to use all three legs of that stool. I found the same as him.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
You say you are going to meetings. For me, just going to meetings wasn't enough. I just thought I'd share my experience regarding this just in case it might be useful (if you are already doing all the below then perhaps it might help someone else reading, and I apologise for it not being applicable to your own circumstances)....
I needed to actually work the program with a sponsor so I could learn how to apply the principles of the program to my life. Once I'd started doing that I started to get some relief as life was easier to negotiate and I was no longer wasting energy on Berry-bashing shame; fear; and decade-old resentments (that I didn't even realise were taking up so my emotional energy and thinking time until they were gone). I also found that getting to meetings early and staying a bit late - helping with the setting up and clearning up helped a lot because it gave me lots of opportunity to chat with those further into their recovery than me.
The AA symbol is triangular. Meetings are only one side of that triangle. If you have not yet started engaging in service of some sort thatcan really help (that is another side of the triangle), and the recovery (the other side of the triangle.)
One guy I heard share talked about AA as 3-legged stool. He said balancing on one leg was better than no stool at all (i.e. just meetings). And 2 legs even better than that (not sure if his 2 legs were meetings and recovery, or meetings and service), but that stool started to get comfortable and give him a chance to rest up once he'd got willing to use all three legs of that stool. I found the same as him.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I found helping with washing up the cups with oter members helpful to me. It meant that while i was still a little shy and reserved I could easily avoid prolonged eye-contact and direct attention on me, which made opening up a bit easier somehow. Not sure i explained that very well, sorry. Lol.
It's a bit like with running social group with some of my teens at school. They find opening up and chatting much easier when doing drawing or colouring, or something. Next step i work up to with them is tasting and talking about some food - scoring crisps or candy flavours for example.
In AA I felt like a social novice. I was uncomfortable at first and needed to find my way in so that I could start to get more out of it. talk and listen. Learn from those folks and start figuring out who had what I wanted.
On a seperate note, I also found listening to AA speakers between meetings very useful. Esp the funny ones. This site has a lot to choose from and it might help with your step work as well... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/
BB
It's a bit like with running social group with some of my teens at school. They find opening up and chatting much easier when doing drawing or colouring, or something. Next step i work up to with them is tasting and talking about some food - scoring crisps or candy flavours for example.
In AA I felt like a social novice. I was uncomfortable at first and needed to find my way in so that I could start to get more out of it. talk and listen. Learn from those folks and start figuring out who had what I wanted.
On a seperate note, I also found listening to AA speakers between meetings very useful. Esp the funny ones. This site has a lot to choose from and it might help with your step work as well... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/
BB
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