loulou1981

God this will make me sound so selfish but its p*****g me right off!!!
Ok, so 6 wks ago my hubbie's oldest friend separated from his wife & it was all a bit messy so i agreed he could stay for a bit in our spare room...problem is, he's still here!! I figured it'd b for a couple of wks but this is really becoming an issue for me. Its nothing major that he is doing, but its niggling me...ill list the annoyances;

*Doesn't rinse the shower down after he uses it (he has a dirty job & leaves oil all over the bath)
*Brings his daughter over without mentioning it & then she asks me what im making for her dinner!
*Hasn't changed his bedding (hubbie has done it as he got fed up with the room smelling like a sweat-fest)
*Leaves his stinking work clothes building up in a huge pile in his room

I just feel like he's taking the p*ss. He is living here rent free & has only offered us £20 in wk 2!

Obviously at the moment im in early sobriety & im trying to limit my irritations but this is causing me to feel stressed!
He's noisey when he comes in from work & we're both shift workers & sometimes have to nap in the eve & he just doesnt get it.

I will add that he doesnt really eat our food as he leaves early in the morning, buys his lunch at work & probably has 1 or 2 dinners with us each wk, so he's not eating through our fridge!
He hasnt offered to help with any household chores either.
I've raised my annoyance with hubbie & he feels stuck as he's grying to help his mate out but is mindful about how upset im getting.
I just want my home back, i want to be able to b able to be myself in my own home.
We've said to him that he really needs to sort himself out asap but he's more concerned with going out on dates!!!!

What do I do without being a total b***h!?

PippoRossi

What do you do? You ask him to leave. Period. It's your house and you have every right to tell him to leave. By your description of his actions, he sounds pretty inconsiderate to his oldest friend, your husband (maybe that is part of the reason he is now separated from his wife?). And, as you've stated, he's already been there 6 weeks so I think you've helped him out. A lot. Show him the door.

Anna

I agree. Ask him to leave, give him a few days to find a new place to live and then, that's it. You and your husband have done what you said you would and offered him a place for a short stay, but time is up.

Dee74

good advice here LouLou - time for Mr Guest to move on

D

candie

Time for him to man up n get his own place.If he's going on dates already, he needs it!😉
As for the £20, that's an absolute insult 😠

Maudcat

Totally agree. Give him a few days to find another place, if you want to, but definitely he needs to go.
Don't worry about being the bad guy here if your husband won't do it.
Be better if you are both united on this, but...
He doesn't sound like a very good friend.
He does, however, sound a like a very good moocher.
P.S. If his wife kicked him out, I can certainly see why.

MadelineRose

I always tried to be the people pleaser and it always ended up with me sacrificing my own happiness in order to make others happy. You have already done way more than most friends would do..and it doesn't sound like he is even trying to find another living arrangement (never mind that he is being completely disrespectful). I would sit him down and give him a move out date. Your home should be your safe and happy place.. especially in early sobriety! Do what is right for YOU.

Opivotal

I don't think you're being selfish at all! Gosh, he wouldn't have lasted a week at my house. You've been more than gracious.

Please show him the door... save yourself!

Nowsthetime

6 weeks is a long time. Give him a deadline. It's NOT irrational or selfish of you. Your hubby sees this, I'm sure...

It's time.

Talk about o your husband to get him out.

You can do it.

Jules714

6 weeks?!
You are a better person than I!
Company is like fish, after 2 days it starts to stink.
If I were in that position I would be quiet as a mouse, asking how to help out and contributing a lot more out of gratitude. And I certainly wouldn't bring anyone over. If he wants to see his daughter he should take her to dinner.
Sorry...you've been more than gracious. Time for this guy to go.
GL
Jules

bllit

Yep loulou it's time for him to leave I agree with all the above give him a move out by date. Plus the added stress you don't need that at all.

loulou1981

Thanks for ur support guy's, I've just walked through the door after my night shift & the bathroom that I cleaned last night is now filthy with black drip marks all over!!!!😠😠😠we're going to sit him down over the wkend & tell him he needs to go by the end of next wk...thats MORE than enough time!!

Berrybean

I had the same problem years ago when we let a (much loved) friend of my partner stay with us for a few weeks.

In the end I started to get a bit tougher and made some house rules a bit clearer!! Lol. I also asked him every single day how his search for accomodation was going and told him when his excuses were just that. A couple of times I even drove him over to meet potential landlords. You don't need me to add that he was (in all likelihood) an undiagnosed alcoholic do you. Lol.

Feel for you Loulou. You might need to just accept that, even after being good to him for 6 weeks, he might just need to end up thinking of you as a bad guy in order for you to get your place back. (At least he's given you some increased understanding of why his wife chucked him out - very wise woman by the sounds of things, because if this is his standard of pigishness now, as a guest in your home, I don't even like to think what he'd have been like in the marital home.)

BB

Dee74

about 20 years ago I was this guy.

Trust me, you'll be doing him a favour - learning to stand on your own two feet again is a lifeskill we all need.

D