Why You Aren't Sober Yet
Hears The Voice
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Why You Aren't Sober Yet
It's for one of these reasons:
1. You can't
2. You don't want to
3. You don't know how
I see a lot of people posting they believe they fall into category 1 or 2. I disagree. 99.9% of you fall into category 3. I did when I first got here. I read. I asked questions. I read some more. I accepted the feedback (even the feedback that made me angry). I read some more. I tried. I face-planted. I asked more questions. I read some more.
I learned how.
You can do this.
1. You can't
2. You don't want to
3. You don't know how
I see a lot of people posting they believe they fall into category 1 or 2. I disagree. 99.9% of you fall into category 3. I did when I first got here. I read. I asked questions. I read some more. I accepted the feedback (even the feedback that made me angry). I read some more. I tried. I face-planted. I asked more questions. I read some more.
I learned how.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
For me, sober is not drinking. The part that wanted to be sober was 'ME' and the part that wanted to drink was 'Not ME', speaking via the 'Addictive Voice (AV).
The ME part that wanted to be sober: wished, hoped and prayed for a better life. To be free from the dragging anchor and chains of addiction - to resurrect and nurture my self-esteem, self-worth (which were negligible) and consequently enable me to work to improve myself and my life circumstances. The ME part wanted to work today for a better future.
The Not ME part via the AV, wanted to drink: drink, drink and drink more, it was never satisfied. It wanted to drink forever and damn the consequences, the losses, destruction, even the loss of my life. It wanted nothing but instant gratification, despite it risking my health and life.
The ME part that wanted to be sober: wished, hoped and prayed for a better life. To be free from the dragging anchor and chains of addiction - to resurrect and nurture my self-esteem, self-worth (which were negligible) and consequently enable me to work to improve myself and my life circumstances. The ME part wanted to work today for a better future.
The Not ME part via the AV, wanted to drink: drink, drink and drink more, it was never satisfied. It wanted to drink forever and damn the consequences, the losses, destruction, even the loss of my life. It wanted nothing but instant gratification, despite it risking my health and life.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 2,057
Accepting the feedback even when it makes one angry......THAT is something which has helped me tremendously, to accept it even if it gets me bothered, learning to take responsibility for my own actions.
Great post Nonsensical
Great post Nonsensical
Maladaptive
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East coast, USA
Posts: 558
Originally Posted by Nonsensical 
It's for one of these reasons:
1. You can't
2. You don't want to
3. You don't know how
I see a lot of people posting they believe they fall into category 1 or 2. I disagree. 99.9% of you fall into category 3. I did when I first got here. I read. I asked questions. I read some more. I accepted the feedback (even the feedback that made me angry). I read some more. I tried. I face-planted. I asked more questions. I read some more.
I learned how.
You can do this.
1. You can't
2. You don't want to
3. You don't know how
I see a lot of people posting they believe they fall into category 1 or 2. I disagree. 99.9% of you fall into category 3. I did when I first got here. I read. I asked questions. I read some more. I accepted the feedback (even the feedback that made me angry). I read some more. I tried. I face-planted. I asked more questions. I read some more.
I learned how.
You can do this.
How?
Hears The Voice
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Shitzupuppy
How?
Step 1 is to stop believing 1) you can't or 2) you don't want to. Your path exists. What are you willing to do to find it?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,334
I struggled with the fact I could never drink again. Reading here and time, helped me learn it was not only possible, but a gift....allowing me to be my real self....not numbing myself and missing out on a lot of good stuff.
Hears The Voice
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Chilledice
Accepting the feedback even when it makes one angry......
Yeah...they don't know me...but that addiction I have....they've got that sumbeach pegged...and they know what it takes to beat it.
I only wish I had listened sooner.
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
I was relying on willpower.
I was analyzing my triggers to be able to recognise and act.
So all of my attempts at quitting have failed. And eventhough the last 20, 50, 100 or 1000 times i drank or took drugs had horrible and disastrous consequences i ended up doing it again. Eventhough i have said to myself this time will be different over and over.
Its not the drink or drug its the way my mind thinks and the way my thinking and mind are addicted to the world with the drink and drug. So my mind just allows itself to take the bad decision and to do the wrong thing. Its just so easy at the time. Well its the way we have trained ourselves to think.
I spent alot of time the last week reading, putting things in place to really change. Meeting people, contacting people in recovery and contemplating sober muscles. So that this time it isnt different its a completely new me.
I feel like taking the right decisions from now on.
Sober since not very long. And 41 years old tomorrow.
Vinny.
I was analyzing my triggers to be able to recognise and act.
So all of my attempts at quitting have failed. And eventhough the last 20, 50, 100 or 1000 times i drank or took drugs had horrible and disastrous consequences i ended up doing it again. Eventhough i have said to myself this time will be different over and over.
Its not the drink or drug its the way my mind thinks and the way my thinking and mind are addicted to the world with the drink and drug. So my mind just allows itself to take the bad decision and to do the wrong thing. Its just so easy at the time. Well its the way we have trained ourselves to think.
I spent alot of time the last week reading, putting things in place to really change. Meeting people, contacting people in recovery and contemplating sober muscles. So that this time it isnt different its a completely new me.
I feel like taking the right decisions from now on.
Sober since not very long. And 41 years old tomorrow.
Vinny.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 14
The adverb soberly comes from sober, which has the primary meaning of "not under the influence of drugs or alcohol," but also means "grave or serious." The Latin root, sobrius also has two meanings: "not drunk," and "sensible."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
IMO I have to agree with point 3 and although I am only fairly recent to abstinence, what seems to be different this time is the amount of information I have learnt from SR (including old posts) other reading about alcoholism, tv shows etc. I have LEARNT from others with more time under their belts and if it worked for them, it has been good enough for me to listen to. I have been humbled by some of the stories here, what people have overcome and they are still going strong, I want to be one of them who still post here in 10 years time. It actually made me sad going back to old posts circa 2012, I don't see many of their names here now and I wonder what happened to them, where they are now.
Just a thought.
On a lighter note, I also checked out a moderation website (AV got very excited about that) and was horrified by some of the comments on it , some seriously scary information being given to newbies, we should count ourselves lucky that we found SR.
Just a thought.
On a lighter note, I also checked out a moderation website (AV got very excited about that) and was horrified by some of the comments on it , some seriously scary information being given to newbies, we should count ourselves lucky that we found SR.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
something else i notice, and it might fall into one of those categories, is expectations- people seem to expect that once alcohol is removed everything will magically be better.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: upstate new york
Posts: 131
i'm going to vote for #2.
#1 just isn't true and #3 isn't going to happen till #2 is accepted.
what's missing is" bad enough" at the end of the sentence. I've wanted to stop thousands of times due to horrific Saturday and sunday morning hangovers as well as other things. i never stopped because i didn't want to.........bad enough. i finally threw in the towel when i got what I've heard described as the" gift of desperation". now i'm working on #3.
#1 just isn't true and #3 isn't going to happen till #2 is accepted.
what's missing is" bad enough" at the end of the sentence. I've wanted to stop thousands of times due to horrific Saturday and sunday morning hangovers as well as other things. i never stopped because i didn't want to.........bad enough. i finally threw in the towel when i got what I've heard described as the" gift of desperation". now i'm working on #3.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
There are many paths folks use to get
sober or clean. What works for one may
not necessarily work for another.
Like for example, someone could be told
by their doctor that if they ever pick up
a drink again they will die. And that could
be just enough to scare the you know what
out of them and never pick up a drink for
the rest of their lives.
Another example would be where they
realize that alcohol or drugs has done
enough damage in their lives and health,
return to their faith and rely on that
solely to never return to a drink or
drug again.
For me, I tried praying because I was
raised Catholic and do have faith in
God with all my being, but that wasn't
enough to squash my addiction and
never drink again.
Come to find out, I had quite a few
underlying issues in my life, my past that
I needed to deal with, work on, change,
taught and learn in order for me to
put my addiction to alcohol to rest.
Another thing I learned was that I
was and still am powerless over alcohol
and its strength that comes with it,
and its affects on my mind body and soul,
if left for me to handle on my own almost
killed me.
Once I was taught about my addiction
and was given an option to live instead
of dying from it, taught a program of
recovery to help me clear away the
wreckage or the past, let go of all
that heavy baggage weighing heavy
on my shoulders or resentments I harbored,
and character defects, selfishness,
dishonesty etc. I took it as my sick life
depended on it.
That was 27 yrs ago when folks in
recovery who paved the way for me
and others sick with addiction to follow
taught me how to live each day incorporating
an effective healthy program of recovery
in my everyday life.
Once I received a guideline to live by,
I use it each day to keep me healthy,
happy, honest and peace of mind knowing
my demon is asleep and at rest each
day as long as I never feed it poison
and wake it up.
Recovery is daily maintenance to achieve
a healthier, humble quality of life that is
enjoyable and fun and to never take for
granted.
Sobriety and recovery is absolutely
achievable with help so you never
have to take this journey in life sober
by urself or alone.
sober or clean. What works for one may
not necessarily work for another.
Like for example, someone could be told
by their doctor that if they ever pick up
a drink again they will die. And that could
be just enough to scare the you know what
out of them and never pick up a drink for
the rest of their lives.
Another example would be where they
realize that alcohol or drugs has done
enough damage in their lives and health,
return to their faith and rely on that
solely to never return to a drink or
drug again.
For me, I tried praying because I was
raised Catholic and do have faith in
God with all my being, but that wasn't
enough to squash my addiction and
never drink again.
Come to find out, I had quite a few
underlying issues in my life, my past that
I needed to deal with, work on, change,
taught and learn in order for me to
put my addiction to alcohol to rest.
Another thing I learned was that I
was and still am powerless over alcohol
and its strength that comes with it,
and its affects on my mind body and soul,
if left for me to handle on my own almost
killed me.
Once I was taught about my addiction
and was given an option to live instead
of dying from it, taught a program of
recovery to help me clear away the
wreckage or the past, let go of all
that heavy baggage weighing heavy
on my shoulders or resentments I harbored,
and character defects, selfishness,
dishonesty etc. I took it as my sick life
depended on it.
That was 27 yrs ago when folks in
recovery who paved the way for me
and others sick with addiction to follow
taught me how to live each day incorporating
an effective healthy program of recovery
in my everyday life.
Once I received a guideline to live by,
I use it each day to keep me healthy,
happy, honest and peace of mind knowing
my demon is asleep and at rest each
day as long as I never feed it poison
and wake it up.
Recovery is daily maintenance to achieve
a healthier, humble quality of life that is
enjoyable and fun and to never take for
granted.
Sobriety and recovery is absolutely
achievable with help so you never
have to take this journey in life sober
by urself or alone.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
I had a real problem with this when I first got here. I *quit* this forum a number of times.....because EFF YOU Dee74...and DoggoneCarl...and MountainmanBob....and TomSteve....and Soberlicious....and Freshstart57....and GerandTwine... and ThisGuy.... and ThatGirl....and WhoeverElse!....You don't know ME!
Yeah...they don't know me...but that addiction I have....they've got that sumbeach pegged...and they know what it takes to beat it.
I only wish I had listened sooner.
Yeah...they don't know me...but that addiction I have....they've got that sumbeach pegged...and they know what it takes to beat it.
I only wish I had listened sooner.
Definition of wicked
going beyond reasonable or predictable limits : of exceptional quality or degree throws a wicked fastball
i absolutely love WICKED honesty like this
well done
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