Four months today
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Four months today
Yeah! Now that I got that out of the way, I feel I'll never get rid of the voice in my head that whispered the word "sadness". Others say I do lots of worthwhile things, by helping others and always "working" on projects and new skills, but I feel more and more tired and empty hearted. It's the reason alcohol became a part of my life...empty embracement. I'm stuck. Doesn't matter what project or helps I complete, it's busy work or distractions from that empty feeling. Very tiring.
But yea! 4 months is a good thing....no regrets and it's the right thing for my kids too!
But yea! 4 months is a good thing....no regrets and it's the right thing for my kids too!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Planet Earth (most days)
Posts: 1,596
We are on the same path. I hit 4 months about a week ago and I've been feeling exactly the same as you. I truly believe it's just a blip on the radar and it will pass, hopefully soon. Doesn't make it any easier to bear, though. Hang in there!
Keep going, it gets better. 
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi SimplyFree 
All I can do is share that not only does it get better, but it keeps on getting better as well
I've been depressive most of my life. The last ten years tho my depressive episodes have never been very long or made much of an impact on my day to day life or my relationships.
I credit recovery with a large share of the success for that. I'm also on meds for nerve pain which also serve as an anti depressant so I'm sure that helps too - but man, I've never been happier.
It took me probably 3 months for me after I quit to dare to believe I could be happy and then a couple of more months for me to believe it.
I hope the same will happen to you
D
All I can do is share that not only does it get better, but it keeps on getting better as well
I've been depressive most of my life. The last ten years tho my depressive episodes have never been very long or made much of an impact on my day to day life or my relationships.
I credit recovery with a large share of the success for that. I'm also on meds for nerve pain which also serve as an anti depressant so I'm sure that helps too - but man, I've never been happier.
It took me probably 3 months for me after I quit to dare to believe I could be happy and then a couple of more months for me to believe it.
I hope the same will happen to you
D
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Thanks all, I truly appreciate your comments. Being heard is always helpful. Yes I have struggled with moderate depression when not drinking my entire life. It became severe when life's circumstances overwhelmed me and I started drinking. I won't write a long story. Suffice to say, I had a dream, a desire, an illusion....it died. I had 3 therapist quit me within 2 session each. All of them highly recommended, ....And I was open to almost anything, and in a very contrite place. So I don't do therapists, they abandoned me and left me hanging in my weakest moments. I guess I'm the common denominator/ the problem....moved on. I'm responsible for me, so I'll figure it out. I'm sure google or YouTube could make everything right. If not maybe Facebook or Snapchat. Nope, oh well.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I gave up on more than 3 therapists and more than three gave up on me before I found one who could help me.
Just sayin'
You seem as if you want to feel 'full' not empty.
I'm just saying it's a worthy - and achievable - aim.
Don't lose heart. There's no telling what another 4 months or 4 years of recovery can bring you
D
Just sayin'
You seem as if you want to feel 'full' not empty.
I'm just saying it's a worthy - and achievable - aim.
Don't lose heart. There's no telling what another 4 months or 4 years of recovery can bring you
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,657
102 WEEKS AGO, I literally burnt to death from booze- ciggie- blackout.
Then they thought I had Korsakoff's. Then that I would always be a hopeless incureable alcoholic- my wife dropped me the day of the burns and is pushing through a divorce. My sons disowned me- both adults. I kept saying to myself then, that I would keep hoping- despite feeling overwhelming sadness- which spiked my lifelong major depression, and empty - because I had nothing. Well- despite being dead 3 times, I got better- a miracle they say. I do not have Korsakoff's, although some cignitive issues- but am not a vegetable. I am not homeless, am in a long term (1 year now) recovery/housing program. I run 2 AA meetings a week. I paint like one obsessed. I walk, learn, read, try. I am getting back into 'socialising' with people.
I still feel emptiness and sadness- but much less intensely. The mind, like the body takes time to heal. It also needs to be stimulated by something to replace all the drinking. For me- meetings, art, walking, SR, trying new things.
Support to you.
Then they thought I had Korsakoff's. Then that I would always be a hopeless incureable alcoholic- my wife dropped me the day of the burns and is pushing through a divorce. My sons disowned me- both adults. I kept saying to myself then, that I would keep hoping- despite feeling overwhelming sadness- which spiked my lifelong major depression, and empty - because I had nothing. Well- despite being dead 3 times, I got better- a miracle they say. I do not have Korsakoff's, although some cignitive issues- but am not a vegetable. I am not homeless, am in a long term (1 year now) recovery/housing program. I run 2 AA meetings a week. I paint like one obsessed. I walk, learn, read, try. I am getting back into 'socialising' with people.
I still feel emptiness and sadness- but much less intensely. The mind, like the body takes time to heal. It also needs to be stimulated by something to replace all the drinking. For me- meetings, art, walking, SR, trying new things.
Support to you.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
PJ, I'm glad things are improving. I'm sorry you had to experience such painful events. I wish I had an effective outlet like painting to throw my passion and emotions into. That's a good thing!
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Bllit, getting sober is possible and having a clear head is a perfect start to each day. Whatever else happens, I know drinking is off the table. Life is so much better when you don't live in oblivion.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
I hadn't really looked into PAWS before. It seems like I'm going through a light version of my first 30 days. Sleep problems, mood swings, av thoughts and urges that are lighter but still there. I had a week where I could taste Porte wine, my favorite, but I always hated not being able to stop, feeling the progression of the addiction marching forward in me. I hated the next day, day 1. But 4 months without is good, except the loneliness still messes me up sometimes. I am especially lonely in a crowd or around people. I'm better off isolated where I can forget about love or any of those illusions. My guitar skills are improving so I can't complain much. Anyway it seems like PAWS is the second longer round of withdrawals. Sigh....ok. Stay strong all!
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