And again...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 139
And again...
It's happening again with me, after almost a year sober there were some very stressful ongoing circumstances that lead me to make the poor choice of using alcohol again. Terrible coping mechanism.
Now it's the usual that go with it... irresponsible use of psychedelics and general unpleasant feelings. Disassociation with my people and general poor attitude.
Bah.
I quit 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Pathetic false attempts. Difficult to overcome the feelings of hopelessness that can be instantly cured with a drink.
I know I can do it. I've done it before. I'm just not feeling the reason very well. Maybe mild depression.
Thanks for listening.
Now it's the usual that go with it... irresponsible use of psychedelics and general unpleasant feelings. Disassociation with my people and general poor attitude.
Bah.
I quit 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Pathetic false attempts. Difficult to overcome the feelings of hopelessness that can be instantly cured with a drink.
I know I can do it. I've done it before. I'm just not feeling the reason very well. Maybe mild depression.
Thanks for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
Hi Forester - I'm sorry you're struggling but I'm glad you made it back.
In the end I had to say there was no reason bad enough or good enough to drink. If I had crises I had to meet them head on, if I felt depressed I had to seek help.
Adding drink to the mix is like jumping out of an aeroplane and refusing a parachute.
You can change - for good - not just 'for now'
You can do this
D
In the end I had to say there was no reason bad enough or good enough to drink. If I had crises I had to meet them head on, if I felt depressed I had to seek help.
Adding drink to the mix is like jumping out of an aeroplane and refusing a parachute.
You can change - for good - not just 'for now'
You can do this
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 753
Welcome back :-)
I'm struggling mentally as well so I feel for you , same boat we are on and I'm finding asking for help a god send currently on here ..without it I would not have coped at all
Stay close to SR,you can do this
It seems been a alcoholic has its physical side but mentally it's a lot tougher I'm now starting to finally realise ..
I'm struggling mentally as well so I feel for you , same boat we are on and I'm finding asking for help a god send currently on here ..without it I would not have coped at all
Stay close to SR,you can do this
It seems been a alcoholic has its physical side but mentally it's a lot tougher I'm now starting to finally realise ..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 139
thanks for the responses...
I have a lot of physical pain and almost no time to myself. Some changes need to be made, as well as not drinking. It's a bigger picture thing and I have been unwise to allow myself to get in this situation. I'm fully committed every day from before dawn till well after nightfall, except Tuesday afternoons, I have a small window between 3.30 and 6.
Some balance is required. I'm gonna have to scrape some of the stuff off my plate... whether it goes on someone else's or just on the floor. I guess that doesn't really matter.
I have a lot of physical pain and almost no time to myself. Some changes need to be made, as well as not drinking. It's a bigger picture thing and I have been unwise to allow myself to get in this situation. I'm fully committed every day from before dawn till well after nightfall, except Tuesday afternoons, I have a small window between 3.30 and 6.
Some balance is required. I'm gonna have to scrape some of the stuff off my plate... whether it goes on someone else's or just on the floor. I guess that doesn't really matter.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
Yeah balance is really important, especially if you're in pain.
Dunno if it helps but I found I was doing things for others that they could really do for themselves - dropping those things gave me more downtime.
D
Dunno if it helps but I found I was doing things for others that they could really do for themselves - dropping those things gave me more downtime.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 139
My wife is unwell in an ongoing way, I have 3 kids all with school, sports and hobbies, I work full time, I am studying 2 courses... I have a dog and tropical fish that need caring for too. I even volunteer for conservation and community group activities... I give so much. It's become silly.
When it comes to Tuesday afternoon I have had enough. I don't want to think anymore... I just want the day to be over. I sit at the beach and look at the ocean. But it's not over. It's just a tiny window before the ongoing saga starts again. I'm struggling to make good food for my family, the inspiration has dried up.
I guess I should be grateful for all the things I have. But at the moment I feel mostly overwhelmed.
When it comes to Tuesday afternoon I have had enough. I don't want to think anymore... I just want the day to be over. I sit at the beach and look at the ocean. But it's not over. It's just a tiny window before the ongoing saga starts again. I'm struggling to make good food for my family, the inspiration has dried up.
I guess I should be grateful for all the things I have. But at the moment I feel mostly overwhelmed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i would be overwhelmed,too.
maybe its time to cut some stuff out of your schedule that arent absolutly nnecessary.
time to be selfish and put you and your recovery 1st maybe? maybe cut out the volunteer for conservation and community group activities???
maybe its time to cut some stuff out of your schedule that arent absolutly nnecessary.
time to be selfish and put you and your recovery 1st maybe? maybe cut out the volunteer for conservation and community group activities???
Originally Posted by Forester 
My wife is unwell in an ongoing way, I have 3 kids all with school, sports and hobbies, I work full time, I am studying 2 courses... I have a dog and tropical fish that need caring for too. I even volunteer for conservation and community group activities... I give so much. It's become silly.
When it comes to Tuesday afternoon I have had enough. I don't want to think anymore... I just want the day to be over. I sit at the beach and look at the ocean. But it's not over. It's just a tiny window before the ongoing saga starts again. I'm struggling to make good food for my family, the inspiration has dried up.
I guess I should be grateful for all the things I have. But at the moment I feel mostly overwhelmed.
When it comes to Tuesday afternoon I have had enough. I don't want to think anymore... I just want the day to be over. I sit at the beach and look at the ocean. But it's not over. It's just a tiny window before the ongoing saga starts again. I'm struggling to make good food for my family, the inspiration has dried up.
I guess I should be grateful for all the things I have. But at the moment I feel mostly overwhelmed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 139
The volunteer work is my only social outlet, without it I would be totally isolated.
I had a talk with my kids on the weekend, about the way they behave and how that effects me. They aren't babies anymore and carry a lot more of their own weight. I've decided to put one of my courses on hold and just focus on the other. I may even sell my fish... I'll see how I feel about that in processing.
Thanks for listening to me. It really does make a difference. I don't really feel there's anyone else I can talk to at the moment without being judged or coddled.
I had a talk with my kids on the weekend, about the way they behave and how that effects me. They aren't babies anymore and carry a lot more of their own weight. I've decided to put one of my courses on hold and just focus on the other. I may even sell my fish... I'll see how I feel about that in processing.
Thanks for listening to me. It really does make a difference. I don't really feel there's anyone else I can talk to at the moment without being judged or coddled.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,037
Hi Forester,
I'm glad you took some time to step back and see what you could take off your plate. I am in the same boat as you with work and three kids with very busy schedules, it can definitely feel like insanity some days. Since my husband and I both work we tag team drop offs/pick ups and checking on school work, lunches, dinners... You mentioned your wife is unwell, is she able to help out with the kids at all, or is that too much for her? Do you have any friends with kids in similar activites? I have relied on a few to help out when I've been torn in too many directions.
I noticed you joined SR in 2014, I joined in 2012, so I've been around a while as well. I have close to 20 months sober now, and reading and posting on here daily is the biggest part of my recovery plan. I check in daily on the 24 hour thread, you should join us, you will find an incredibly supportive group to check in with each day. Also, you may want to think about joining the August class. I know you've had a lot of sober time already, but sometimes having others at the same point in sobriety helps. I was a member of several classes, the last one being January of 2016, and I have several amazing people I met there and check in with each day.
Glad you're back!!
❤️Delilah
I'm glad you took some time to step back and see what you could take off your plate. I am in the same boat as you with work and three kids with very busy schedules, it can definitely feel like insanity some days. Since my husband and I both work we tag team drop offs/pick ups and checking on school work, lunches, dinners... You mentioned your wife is unwell, is she able to help out with the kids at all, or is that too much for her? Do you have any friends with kids in similar activites? I have relied on a few to help out when I've been torn in too many directions.
I noticed you joined SR in 2014, I joined in 2012, so I've been around a while as well. I have close to 20 months sober now, and reading and posting on here daily is the biggest part of my recovery plan. I check in daily on the 24 hour thread, you should join us, you will find an incredibly supportive group to check in with each day. Also, you may want to think about joining the August class. I know you've had a lot of sober time already, but sometimes having others at the same point in sobriety helps. I was a member of several classes, the last one being January of 2016, and I have several amazing people I met there and check in with each day.
Glad you're back!!
❤️Delilah
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 24
I have 3 kids as well, their activities used to take over our afternoons, dinner time and weekends; until I said "no more!", I want to have our weekends back, either doing nothing, or choosing what to do around our own desires, not around what the schedulle looks like for their sports. So, dont feel selfish, we have to be well to be able to take care of them. My 3 boys are in middle school, they have sport choices in school and thats ok, normaly practice is before school and games during the week, but I feel you, is not easy. My backyard chickens force me to get out of the house to tend to them, otherwise I will not get a single touch of sunray during the day. Hang in there and teach those kids to do laundry, I told mine, if you can manage a computer you can certainly manage a washer mashine!
Originally Posted by Forester
The volunteer work is my only social outlet, without it I would be totally isolated.
I had a talk with my kids on the weekend, about the way they behave and how that effects me. They aren't babies anymore and carry a lot more of their own weight. I've decided to put one of my courses on hold and just focus on the other. I may even sell my fish... I'll see how I feel about that in processing.
Thanks for listening to me. It really does make a difference. I don't really feel there's anyone else I can talk to at the moment without being judged or coddled.
I had a talk with my kids on the weekend, about the way they behave and how that effects me. They aren't babies anymore and carry a lot more of their own weight. I've decided to put one of my courses on hold and just focus on the other. I may even sell my fish... I'll see how I feel about that in processing.
Thanks for listening to me. It really does make a difference. I don't really feel there's anyone else I can talk to at the moment without being judged or coddled.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
sounds to me like maybe some of the giving you need to do is unto yourself.
I have a similarly full plate and I've found that taking on commitments, giving, putting out my energy, constantly being BUSY, overstretched, full and stressed - is maybe an addictive behavior in itself.
Stretch, stretch, stretch.... FILL UP THE TIME.... become so overly overwhelmed as to reach a breaking point. Then you know what happens? A drink.... a drink can happen then, if we're not careful.
And CAREFUL also means SELF-CARE.
It might mean a counselor for an hour or two a week. Or an AA meeting. Or a simple walk along the beach. Or it might mean yoga. Meditating each morning. It might mean seeing a doctor about depression and anxiety and perhaps even treating those conditions if warranted. It might mean just making sure we have a free hour a day to read or sit quietly or paint.
The thing is - we can get so caught up in 'not drinking' and in 'serving others' and in 'getting out of our heads' and 'accomplishing things' - that we forget to simply honor ourselves. And that creates an isolation from ourselves. And isolation creates sorrow. And sorrow leads us to drink.
Now - I'm only relating some of the things I've experienced, some of my own faults and patterns and realities. None of this, some of this or all of it may apply.....
Take care.
You can be free.
I have a similarly full plate and I've found that taking on commitments, giving, putting out my energy, constantly being BUSY, overstretched, full and stressed - is maybe an addictive behavior in itself.
Stretch, stretch, stretch.... FILL UP THE TIME.... become so overly overwhelmed as to reach a breaking point. Then you know what happens? A drink.... a drink can happen then, if we're not careful.
And CAREFUL also means SELF-CARE.
It might mean a counselor for an hour or two a week. Or an AA meeting. Or a simple walk along the beach. Or it might mean yoga. Meditating each morning. It might mean seeing a doctor about depression and anxiety and perhaps even treating those conditions if warranted. It might mean just making sure we have a free hour a day to read or sit quietly or paint.
The thing is - we can get so caught up in 'not drinking' and in 'serving others' and in 'getting out of our heads' and 'accomplishing things' - that we forget to simply honor ourselves. And that creates an isolation from ourselves. And isolation creates sorrow. And sorrow leads us to drink.
Now - I'm only relating some of the things I've experienced, some of my own faults and patterns and realities. None of this, some of this or all of it may apply.....
Take care.
You can be free.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,706
My struggle is making things perfect and making the household run 'smoothely'. I find that I am always caring about others. Drinking was something I did for myself by myself because it took me away from all the stress of pleasing others. Every day was the same routine. Make sure everone had what they needed make their day pleasant while my needs were never met. I still have those thoughts. Some days worse than others. Drinking is not an option anymore. I battle thru they day trying to let go of making everything perfect and assure myself that everything is just the way it is. I can only do what I can do. If I feel the need to escape by drinking I know I am trying too hard.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
Difficult to overcome the feelings of hopelessness that can be instantly cured with a drink.
You know that drinking won't "cure" anything. It just pushes the feelings down the road a few hours.
During the last year of my drinking career I tried to find the perfect balance between alcohol consumption and feeling great. That was very hard to do and only possible for a couple of hours at a time.
But in between those elusive moments, the hangovers, anxiety, guilt, shame and a dozen other negative consequences made my life pretty unbearable.
8 plus years ago I found this website and swallowed my pride and dragged myself to AA. I've been sober over 7 years now. Life's not always perfect, but it's easier to deal with sober.
You know that drinking won't "cure" anything. It just pushes the feelings down the road a few hours.
During the last year of my drinking career I tried to find the perfect balance between alcohol consumption and feeling great. That was very hard to do and only possible for a couple of hours at a time.
But in between those elusive moments, the hangovers, anxiety, guilt, shame and a dozen other negative consequences made my life pretty unbearable.
8 plus years ago I found this website and swallowed my pride and dragged myself to AA. I've been sober over 7 years now. Life's not always perfect, but it's easier to deal with sober.
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